Badass Dragoons of the Highlands - Call for Players

What is your name?
Ben Dorcy III, but you can call me Red Dog. It’s Native American.

What part of the world were you born in?
In what would eventually become Atlanta, Georgia, home of some of the greatest Southern Rock.

What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)
Damn. Lemme think. Fuck. I dunno, there were a lot of trees, a lot of Indians, I mean, it was before there were any white dudes around. Can we just say 1250 and go from there? We used a lunar calendar a lot, doesn’t really scale, you know? Hey, you got a cigarette?

What badass sword do you have in your hand right now?
This thing? I prefer to just call it an axe.

Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?
Poison. Fucking greatest band, man. “Don’t Need Nothin But a Good Time.” POISON!

For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortal.
It’s not much of a story, right? I was helping my friend Singing Beaver set up for this, I dunno, talent show? We didn’t really have a name for it, involved a lot of singing and dancing around the fire at the end of a pow wow.

Well, anyway, this group of Cherokees come swinging through the place, totally decapitated ol’ Beav, I’ve got his brains all over me, I’m yelling, they’re yelling and then I notice they’re yelling because I’ve got this goddamned arrow in the side of my head, half an arm dangling down, and a tomahawk literally right in my sternum. Totally happened so fast that I didn’t even notice. But that certainly freaked them out, that’s for certain, they spun around and skedaddled and I had to finish the load in myself and then bury Beav. It wasn’t easy with just the one arm working well, and I leaked something fierce over the dance platform, but, fuck, show’s gotta happen at 8 man, you know?

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  1. What is your name?

Oh sweetie, don’t you recognize me? It’s me, your Mom. Now where did you leave your glasses, dear?

  1. What part of the world were you born in?

I was born up on Grampy’s farm. You know that. Why all the questions? Are you feeling alright dear? Come over here so I can feel your forehead.

  1. What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)

Well, it was a long time ago. Before your father and I met. Before you or your brother were born. It seems like it’s been eons.

  1. What badass sword do you have in your hand right now?

Mind your language. I’m making you an apple pie. It’s just a paring knife, honey. Have you and Tommy been playing that “D Andy” game again? That one with all the dragons and gold and Ewoks and such?

  1. Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?

A band? Well, it’s been just ages since I’ve been out to see a band. Maybe you’ll go over to your Aunt’s house this weekend and your father and I will go out on a date. Maybe that nice Mitch Miller fellow.

  1. For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

Immortals! Oh you have such a sense of imagination! You’re probably going to grow up to be an accountant. Well, did I ever tell you about the time I was kicked in the head by a cow? It was my first time milking. I almost said a bad word, but I guess I was just too young to know any.

Alright, enough with the questions. You run along and finish your homework now, and let me finish this pie.

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What is your name?
Call me Jane. That’ll do. You couldn’t pronounce the original right, and the language is long dead.

What part of the world were you born in?
Near a delta in a river that has long since changed course, on a landscape so altered that I wouldn’t recognise it.

What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)
Not sure. We hadn’t invented a calendar, yet.

What badass sword do you have in your hand right now?
Not in my hand, but near to are three machetes, two heavy axes, one hatchet, a circular saw blade carefully balanced to throw like a frisbee, and an obsidian spear with a nanometre edge on the blade. The kind the Aztecs used to decapitate horses and conquistadors with. If all else fails, I will borrow yours.

Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?
I am hoping that the members of that band haven’t been born, yet.

For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.
We may have just discovered alcohol distillation. The first time. There is a reason said knowledge was then lost for centuries. When I came to in the smoking ruins that used to be my clothing, there were no other villagers around but the ground was rather reddish. The other injuries were gone, but the tinnitus remains to this day.

When the hunters returned, they argued over whether I was god-blessed or cursed. While they were busy determining how I ought to be sacrficed in appeasement or honour, I grabbed a couple of butchering blades and decided to take my chances elsewhere. Thus came the end of my people.

After that, I noticed that while the sun rose and set and the world changed, I did not. Wounds sustained as I wandered healed almost instantly, and I would wake up from fatal falls with nothing except the ringing in my ears.

Then came the day that someone tried to take my head off. He somehow tripped and fell on his own blade (I still don’t know how) and ended up taking his own. That’s when I realised the one thing that has never changed in all this time: Just when you think things can’t get weirder, prepare to be surprised. Words to survive by, my friends.

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I too love the rock and roll.

Here’s a favorite, just try not to move to it!

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Perfectly awesome choice.

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A Player Primer has been posted. Newcomers and old hands alike are encouraged to give it a read while I continue to assemble the rest of the scaffolding for Monday’s launch.

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What is your name?

The Three Sisters

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What part of the world were you born in?

I arose out of the sea, sort of like this lady, only there were 3 of us all together.

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What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)

20,000 BCE

What badass sword do you have in your hand right now?*

Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?

Enya

For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

We have always been the three of us together; we have never been alone, but we watched everyone around us come and go, and we have always remained. There were so few people then, and the others would come and leave birthing children. But we could not have children. We always knew we were different (see: sea birth) and always knew we would would never die. When we were born, it was accepted. Some people lived long long lives. Then the cycle of birthing and dying changed, sped up. During the long season of persecution of women as witches, we started to blend in with mortals; people forgot and did not understand people like us.

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hiccup

That’s just like me, and Lou, and David used to be. We used to be deathless.

used to be

Till that Baba Yaga slain Lou.

And then David was found with ceder splinters in the stump where his sumptuous neck was.

Closing Time draws nigh.

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What is your name?

Ennis

What part of the world were you born in?

A summer land, where the flowers smelled of honey and wine, and the terrors still slumbered beneath the sea. That place doesn’t exist anymore.

What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)

I don’t remember.

What badass sword do you have in your hand right now*?

A fancy soldier had no further need of it. Would you like to test its sharpness?

Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?

Even with all my years, that sounds like a cruel thing to do to minstrels.

For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

In the dark of winter, dreamed a great wolf, its den tucked besides a river, ash-white with the ghosts of glaciers. As a young foolish thing, we coveted its pelt of silver. It whispered to us. To be warm, at last. To have but a taste of that fading memory of summer and sweetness and plenty.

And so so softly, I stepped into the Den. Oh what magnificent teeth, brilliant white. A shock, the pain a fleeting afterthought in the dark cooling pool of ruby red. It was a mortal contest. It was supposed to be a mortal contest.

But I remained.

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I’m in.

I still need to read this thread…but I’m in.

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WHAT is your name?

NESSIE

WHAT part of the world were you born in?

LOCH NESS

WHAT year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)

???

WHAT badass sword do you have in your hand right now*?

u2ZYvnz

WHAT is your quest?

FUCK IT, I’M NESSIE

WHICH band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?

BELLE & SEBASTIAN

For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in WHICH you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

I am the true Lady of the Lake. I’ve been distributing swords for a while. When THIS sword showed up, finally I realized that I was THE ONE.

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I feel like we’ve worked together before? Up by Albany? I think there were bikers.

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giphy-downsized (24)

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What is your name?
What part of the world were you born in?

ElHar Aziz a Korsar pirate who was born in the pirate held lands of Pellucidar and has found his way back to the surface world.

What year was that?
Sometime in the late 1800s.

What badass sword do you have in your hand right now*?

Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?
Chris Joss

For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

Waking up adrift after being on the losing side of an attack by Lord Greystoke.

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Were you that dude that Keith pulled his pistol on at The Palace in 1965? God, he was so knackered that year that he was always on edge, jumping with paranoia.

Sorry about him putting those holes in your jacket, although they did add a bit of that character that the kids pay hundreds for these days to get a distressed garment from fucking Urban Outfitters…

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What is your name?

Lately, my driver’s license says Harold Farnsworth…but most folks call me Harry. By the way, do you realize how difficult it is to get good paper these days? I’m working an Amazon gig delivering packages because I couldn’t pass the FedEx background check. Gig economy, my ass. I’ll be glad when the next revolution starts. It’s been a while and they are kinda fun…

What part of the world were you born in?

Atlantis. Before Great Grandad sank it below the waves for the last time.

What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)

I’d guess around 1220? 25? The island dropped when I was in my late 20’s and I wasn’t having any of that nonsense.

What badass sword do you have in your hand right now*?

This old thing? It does the job.

Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?

The Wipeouters

For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

So after home had gone down a few fathoms and I made my way up onto shore, I was walking along the road when I was accosted by some ruffians.

Now Atlantis is known for art, for poetry, for beauty. But when you spend the better part of most generations under water, you don’t become known for the quality of your steel.

So after my sword shattered and I was run through a couple of times, I looked at them. They looked at me. I looked back at them. They ran the other way. The rest is a lot of history.

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What is this strange world I have awoken into? The last I knew before my accident, I was a real estate agent in Toronto named Bradley Evans. I remember celebrating at the King Eddy with some friends, then heading home and falling in front of a streetcar. It nearly tore my head off, which may explain why I’ve been in a coma since 1974, but not why I have recovered the memories of so many lives.

What is your name?
My name is Other Pendragon. (Not to be confused with my older brother Uther Pendragon. I get that a lot.)

What part of the world were you born in?
I was born in a small village in the Principality of Gwynedd, as it became known.

What year was that?
I don’t know in what year of the Jesus calendar. I can only tell you that I had already lived several centuries by the time I sailed with Prince Madoc to the Lands in the West. It was considered by my people to be unlucky to count the years of our lives. Things never changed much, anyway. The older folk spoke of it as the year the dragons were so bad, and thereby hangs a tale.

Indeed, a small dragon got into our cottage and attacked me in my cradle, and would have carried me off if my mother had not heard me cry and thrown a poker at it, then beaten it to death with an iron pot. (Thus earning the nickname “Little Saucepan”, which she carried proudly the rest of her life.) It was fortunate for me that she did. As is well known, only the blood of a dragon can heal the bite of a dragon.

What badass sword do you have in your hand right now?
This one:


And thereby hangs a tale, which I shall recount in a moment. There have been those who called me “Saxon” for it, though never twice, but I no longer let such insults bother me. I carry it to remember a worthy foe, for all that he was a smelly Saxon. Thirteen centuries or so is too long to hold a grudge.

Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?
Either these gentlemen:


Or possibly this group, in memory of Sylvia (not her real name), the last woman I loved and lost (I blame her mother).

Tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.
I promised a tale about my sword, so here goes. As a youth, in our endless regional squabbles and cattle raids, I never could afford any weapon but whatever pitchfork or billhook came to hand. When Cole the Thrice-Endowed gained power, I fought in his army in his quest to unify the land, and learned the skills of axe and sword. I rose through the ranks,and after he was crowned Cole the First, he named me as his justice minister. As a symbol of my authority, he gave me a fine longsword to wear on my judicial rounds. To remind myself of my responsibility to the King’s justice, I named it Cole’s Law.

Those were peaceful times, and often years would pass with no need to unsheathe my sword. But when the Saxons invaded, it served me well, and I acquired something of a reputation for my ability to fight boldly and tirelessly despite suffering grievous wounds. (As yet I had no idea that I might be immortal.) It was the poet Blodwen of Llangollen who described me, in her extended metaphor, as cutting down Saxons “as a cook shreds vegetables”. Soon our men were attributing my survival to my sword, and took to shouting the battle cry “Cole’s Law!” as they charged.

Things began to settle down as the Saxons were pushed back, but on a scouting mission in the forest one day, I had gone behind a tree to relieve myself when a Saxon knight sprang from cover and thrust his halberd deep into my chest. With no time to think, I drew my sword, slashed away the trews entangling my ankles, and attacked. The Saxon had a little of the True Tongue, albeit with an atrocious accent, and mocked me, saying that he could not be killed. I was the better swordsman, but even after I cut off his arm he fought on, merely commenting that he had suffered worse. Finally I cut off his leg and he tripped backwards over a large rock, at which point I took a mighty swing and severed his head. His last words, as his eyes stared at me in astonishment, were, “One of us!”.

It was then I realized that his halberd thrust had gone straight through my heart. Many things in my life began to make sense, and I started to wonder if the old legends were true.

I went to retrieve my sword, but my blow had driven it deep into the rock, and try as I might, I could not dislodge it. Finally I realized that it had served its purpose for me, and that I had no more taste for conflict if I could avoid it. I recited the formula releasing it from the King’s service, scratched Ex Cole Liber on the rock, and left it there. Perhaps it is there still. I have never been back. I took the Saxon’s sword in its place and began my wanderings.

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  1. What is your name?

Do I have to do this? Fine, call me YOwOl.

  1. What part of the world were you born in?

California.

  1. What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)


I have not decided that’s on topic.

  1. What badass sword do you have in your hand right now*?

Do you remember these? I do. I was browsing online just missing things, when I remembered them. So I went straight to eBay and found one for a very reasonable price. $400 I think? It’s vintage.
theforcesaber-catalog

  1. Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?

Anything coming through my sweet
Shure kse1500 Electrostatic Earphones while I’m blasting through canyons on my sweet BMW airhead.
download (2)

Did I mention I ride a sweet vintage BMW? It’s vintage.

  1. For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

I was heading to Baja for an epic adventure in my Westy, -did I mention I have Westy?

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anyway it broke down (it’s vintage) three miles from home so as I waited for a tow I got online and found this tweet about immortals. I thought, that totally sounds like me. I’m in. So I retweeted about immortals, and here I am.

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  1. What is your name?

Hepher “Hep” Burn.


  1. What part of the world were you born in?

Falls of Glomach, Morvich, Scotland


  1. What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)

1113 CE


  1. What badass sword do you have in your hand right now*?

Hinduwani Urumi



  1. Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?

U.N.K.L.E (DJ Shadow era)


  1. For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

Ah wis accused of devilry an right awa pronounced a witch for shaggin some pompous ersehole’s wife and sentenced tae be drownt, an I quote “in the sky”, anat ended up been Loch Etchachan a the wai ower in the fuckin Cairngorms.

Sos they march us ower there wi a retinue of bloodthirsty, fuckin bastards pokin me wi sticks anat the whole fuckin time and we finally get there after a week and haulf an they done some ceremony wi prayers anat an then they tries tae drown us and what the fuck wid you know it, mah long lost Pa mustae been a fish.

Sos the priest starts screemin his heed aff about witchcraft this and and devilment that and they drags us outtae the watir and starts buildin a pyre but abdies fuckin soakt from a takin turns tryin tae drown us an their a havin a helluva time gettin it lit sos I sneak a hold of this one fuckwit’s dagger an set aboot them.

Took about an hour on account of ma hands still bein tied behind ma back and ah had tae chase doon a couple o them lookin like a reed de’il, sowkt tae the bone in blood but fuckit, gottem all in the end. Wandered back to the Loch and cleaned masel aff.

Wasnae until then I even noticed a coupla the blows had landed clean and ah had a bloody great, gapin hole where ma liver used tae be an I reckon that’s how come ah cannae really get that drunk, an how come ah went aff tae the Silk Road lookin’ for opium.

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