You have a keen eye, sir knight, though I wish you didn’t. Yes, I was in disguise at the Bathory wedding… though the story behind it wasn’t exactly one of my finest hours.
It began back in Malta, after the end of the Great Siege. I was preparing to take my leave of Fort St. Angelo when I had the misfortune of meeting some minor nobles of Hungary. They’d come to make their names in battle, as so many young men did in that era. One in particular, a Zrínyi Bernát, imagined himself a rare flower of chivalry. Ha! He had neither the honor nor the respect required (not to mention a distinct lack of intelligence.) No, he was a yapping cur who had the nerve to believe that a woman warrior had no place upon a battlefield.
At first, I ignored his bluster and insults as not being worth the time and effort to correct. (Though I’ll admit, the fact that he had at least a hundred pounds on me and a much longer reach than I did might have had something to do with it. Discretion is, after all, the better part of valor. And the man was huge.) But then he did something I could no longer ignore. Declaring that he would save me from my heroic delusions, that massive mongrel knocked me into a horse trough, and he… he…
…he took my sword, okay?
I am not proud of myself. I should have seen it coming. I never should have let it happen. But it did. And I swore a mighty oath that day, that no matter how long it took, I would find him and get my lovely karabela back. Oh, I had other swords-- I never stayed in any area for long without hiding caches of weapons in case of need. It was a matter of principle. He’d publicly humiliated me. No matter what, I was determined to bring him to heel.
It took quite some time to trace his whereabouts. It’s easy to forget how long it took to travel from place to place in those days. But finally, I caught the scent and tracked him to the palace of Vranov nad Topľou, where the lady Bathory was to be wed. It looked to be a good place for settling scores…
I disguised myself as a serving lad, which gave me access to much of the castle. After all, what noble wastes attention on the lowly help? --Except, of course, when they need something done. So the first challenge was avoiding the cook, who always had some task or another for me to perform. Then, cautiously, I needed to get close enough to Bernát to steal his room key from his pocket, without him catching me or recognizing me. That turned out to be easier than expected-- he was too occupied clumsily flirting with the host’s daughter to be aware of anything else. (Some knight.) Getting out of the banquet room proved another trial, however. Turns out the old Lady Thurzó had more appetite for the serving lads than for the meals they carried. Evading her amorous attentions without exposing my secret took some doing! Finally, finally, I crept through the halls and searched Zrínyi’s room… where I was reunited with my lovely, lovely karabela. All that was left was to sneak out under cover of the commotion in the dining hall.
What do you mean, what commotion? Oh, I forgot that part. Seems that… someone… slipped a note under Baron Nádasdy’s plate, warning him that his daughter’s virtue was in danger from a certain mongrel knight. Who knew the fine Baron had such a temper? The last I saw, Zrínyi Bernát was running off with his tail between his legs, the Baron in hot pursuit, bellowing in rage. ~pauses a moment, her innocent grin failing to hide the gleam of satisfaction in her eyes.~
So that’s what I was doing at the wedding feast of Elizabeth Bathory. What was your purpose there, Mr. Collins? (@David_Falkayn)