Some history of fascist anti-feminism:
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If I may comment with tongue slightly in cheek…
I feel like this guy is way overthinking this and, frankly, might not be the sharpest tool in the shed.
Exhibit A:
At any given moment, the tote contains a reusable water bottle, my pocket items (wallet, phone, keys), some pens, a notepad, […].
This sentence chills me unto my very core. The thought that he might lose (or have stolen) his wallet, phone, and keys all at the same time because he put them in a flimsy canvas tote bag instead of attaching them securely to his person just gives me shivers. Dog gave you pockets for a reason, man! Use them! He even calls them “pocket items”. 
Exhibit B:
On one of the last nights of summer last year, my partner asked if she could read me an essay by Lisa Miller titled “Men Know It’s Better to Carry Nothing.”
It’s literally right there in the first paragraph. It’s better to carry nothing. Men know this. Even the women in the linked article agree. Honestly, he could have just stopped right there, but some people have to learn the hard way, I guess. 
To those who might feel weary and oppressed by the weight of their handbags and the opprobrious whims of fashion, I have two words for you: cargo shorts (or pants. pants are fine, too).
Cast off your shackles, disdain the opinions of others, and embrace your inner schlub. Join us, we carefree, comfortable few, on that merry path of life where your center of gravity is always low and your hands are always free for action!
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My preference. It’s not fashionable but it keeps all my important stuff attached to my body. Great for airport security because I can take the whole thing off, but all the bits are still together.
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I love the idea of Duluth Trading Company, but what I’ve found is that their cut doesn’t do well for women who are, as they say, well-endowed. I can see that is the case with the otherwise perfect gardening vest above. Darn!
I got a travel vest when it was on sale from Scottevest. Otherwise, they’re horribly expensive, but they really are just about perfect for travel, no matter one’s size.
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I am not particularly endowed at all, so they fit me great. But, it’s a bummer that they are limited to one body type.
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An adjustable one might help with my sensory issues.
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My experience as well. Duluth Trading: for the flat chested gardening lady.
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I don’t think either of these vests that we’re talking about is adjustable, unfortunately.
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And @MarjaE, I wonder if there is a way to make it adjustable? Like adding straps on the sides or across the back that can be tightened?
That’s what I was thinking. Basically, a vest with lots of pockets, and with straps to tighten it. So if you need to carry something it can help, and if you need extra weight for whatever reason, it can help, and if you need compression, it can help.
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This is an interesting idea. It seems possible to find an existing vest that has the pockets then add straps. This also sounds a little like a flotation vest.
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I can’t tell if you’re trying to be rude, or not, but where I come from a “let me google that for you” link is considered condescending, at best.
Assuming you’re not, though, and also assuming I am correctly divining your point, my response might be something like: History is not destiny. I understand that there are systemic issues driving the lack of pockets in women’s clothing, but I don’t think the current status quo is necessarily inevitable going forward. The essence of fashion, especially in clothing, is that trends change over time, so surely there’s hope for the future. Until then, I don’t see the harm in gently encouraging folks to experiment with choosing function over form once in a while, and seeing how it feels compared to their normal routine.
But the Vox article isn’t about history, or really even about pockets. It’s a story about a dude who tried to empathize with his wife by adopting some of the constraints under which she operates on a daily basis. Which has a certain charm (I enjoyed the post and the linked essay), but which kind of falls flat for me as any sort of call to action.
Perhaps I’m fixating on the tote bag, which I assume he picked because it has a form factor similar to a woman’s purse. Or maybe he just didn’t think it through. Because he could have addressed the iniquities in their relationship (i.e. not pulling his weight in terms of schlepping stuff when they leave the house) without ever being accused of carrying a “man purse”. All he had to do was get a backpack, or a messenger bag, or (if he’s dead set on encumbering one of his hands) a briefcase or an attache. There are lots of options, of which the tote bag seems to me to be objectively the worst.
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my hands ache at the very thought.
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Didn’t you have any thought for the status it gives? Like a top hat? Or a covered area for the back of the motor-phaeton?
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It’s almost like we weren’t already talking about the subject.
I use a medium-small sized backpack. It’s awkward at first, but honestly, so is any other solution until you get the muscle memory. I have a lot of crap to tote back and forth to work on the bus. For mor local stuff I have a little messenger bag for my book and whatnot.
Since we’re quoting from the article:
I felt a dazzling wave of guilt as she read. It was clear that she wasn’t reading this to me because the angle was compelling and the language hypnotic, but because Miller had put words to an inequity my partner felt in our relationship. Soon, we were openly talking about how I almost never helped when something spilled in public, or took it on myself to be the one to sneak weed into concert venues. I acknowledged the unfairness in both the essay and our relationship, and we moved onto something else.
Still, I thought about the conversation a lot in the following weeks. So when the company I work for started selling branded tote bags, I figured I’d buy one for $20. The design was cool and I felt as though I would show my employers some sort of support, but also I figured this would be a chance to address the inequity (and guilt) I’d been aware of since that late-night reading.
Now as a man in his 30s and in a serious relationship, I understood that just buying the tote bag was my version of a “quick fix,” and that it would be an empty gesture if I didn’t consider the deeper problem — the person I loved was telling me something was unfair. There’s nothing really funny about that, and there are no laugh tracks in real life.
I decided that I would be earnest about filling the tote with the stuff I needed and always having it with me. After I took it home, filled it with items I thought might be helpful at any given moment, and left my apartment with my tote slung over my arm for the first time, I felt the immediate benefits: undeniable improvements to my day-to-day wellbeing and a newfound sense of self-reliance.
Something I often think about is how solvable these situations are, how very little effort they actually require, and I can’t help but feel a sort of embarrassment worm its way into my brain: If all these situations were so easily solved, why did I take so long to solve them?
Men, culturally, have had a hypersensitive, almost fearful relationship with the idea of a man having a bag. I’ve noticed that unless it acts as a status symbol of ridiculous wealth or superior taste, a man using a bag to hold practical items to get through his day is considered distastefully feminine. And yet, I’ve also noticed that the more masculine route of carrying … well, nothing … can lead to men resorting to wiping their noses on their sleeves and their hands on their pants, or having terrible breath from drinking coffee or smoking a cigarette. These small details usually get me thinking about whether men don’t have these items because they can get away with these things, or is it because they can get away with these things that they don’t have these items?
And the final paragraph:
It’s made me realize I can only comfortably carry so much before I have to make decisions for myself. It’s a fine balance of how useful I want to be to others and how nimble I need to stay for myself, one that I’m constantly considering. But the tiny, unremarkable crises and deeper problems are now considered in a way they weren’t before, and while I’m still figuring out how to continually address as many as I comfortably can, I’m finding life’s minor messes are more manageable when I have my tote bag with me.
Hint: this article is NOT about the specific bag type. Notice the thread title.
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I agree. Which is why I wrote “But the Vox article isn’t about history, or really even about pockets. It’s a story about a dude who tried to empathize with his wife by adopting some of the constraints under which she operates on a daily basis.” I also said I might be focusing on the tote bag too much. So I’m not completely clueless, here.
That being said…
Would you like me to delete my posts? Truly, I did not come here to stir up shit, but it’s also clear that my initial post missed the mark. If I’m that far off topic, I’m happy to clean up my own mess, so to speak.
I appreciate the offer. It’s been a full week. Let me think for a bit on what I’m perceiving and how to move forward.
I will say that it’s not one particular post as much as the derail that happens when a couple of guys decide to carry on a conversation in a room where women are speaking. Not saying that was done intentionally, just that there are so few threads where the majority of voices are women, that it’s particularly noticeable, and jarring, when it happens here.
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