“Look at that! Why would you want to eat that!? It looks like an onion! Can you imagine eating onion pie?”
– A 50-year-old man upon seeing a picture of rhubarb for the first time
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Yeah, nobody would ever make onion pie…
That would be disgusting, and totally not what all of Germany does in the autumn…
Also, how does rhubarb look like onions? I have a feeling he would actually be disgusted with rhubarb pie if he tried it, though. It’s certainly a unique taste and if you have made it to your 50s staying so close-minded about food, you are probably not going to appreciate it.
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More for me. 
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A customer came into the waldenbooks where I was working, and seeing me restocking the magazines, he came over and asked me a question. He wanted to know if he could get a copy of a magazine from either the last month or the one before that. I replied with what I’d been told to say when such requests are made, and it was true.
We always immediately stripped off the covers of the old mags, and trashed the rest. We’d send back the covers to our returns facility, and get credit for them from the distributors. No money really changes hands. This was how the magazine business operated w/chain bookstores. Besides, we barely had room in back to stock extra copies of the current mags that sold well. I also apologized, and meant it, and suggested he contact the magazine’s publisher. Back issues can be acquired that way, if they still have them.
He was disappointed, and immediately went to a fellow employee and asked her the exact same question. She repeated word for bloody word what I’d just told him, and I had a quiet little chuckle as I continued hauling magazines around.
Dissatisfied with this result, he walked right past another girl who worked there, and approached our boss! I had the feeling he just didn’t trust us wimmens to know what we were talking about, so thought he’d better ask another Man this time.
I wore the mischievous crooked grin I inherited from my Grandpa as he asked our boss about the magazine. I had to stifle laughter and hide in the section as he heard the exact same words for the third time, and eventually left.
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A while back, by someone who was confronted about a mess they’d left in the lunch- and mailroom:
“Meh. You should just leave your shit too. The janitor gets paid to clean up stuff like that. It’s like, you know, their job!”
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If he’s just interested in reading it, as opposed to owning a copy for some nefarious purpose, I’d suggest the local library. Most keep at least a year’s worth on hand and may have access to eReader copies of older editions.
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I knew I’d forgot something! We did also suggest visiting a library.
Most people’s eyes’d glaze over whenever we mentioned the L word.
Then there were the people who came into the bookstore wanting a library card…
ETA:
This happened long before ebooks.
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All you points are valid.
I should point out this is the same guy who said:
“There are runners…sprinters…who can run at 25 miles. per. hour…for short periods of time.”
as his justification for not having to follow 25 MPH speed limits.
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Umm. The runners aren’t sheathed in metal and plastic with limited visibility and weighing a few tons
I feel bad you have to be around this person at all. Particularly since most 25 mph zones are either school zones or residential areas.
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Near where I sit is the “Senior Housing and Healthcare Team.” They do nothing to house seniors or provide healthcare. They are a small group 30-year-old frat boys who make money by working around the clock facilitating property transactions.
One of the more louder members of this group is the person who said this quote earlier:
Last Friday a colleague who lived in Lakewood bemoaned that he had a 2-hour commute in both directions. It was suggested he should move to Brooklyn. He replied, “There’s no way I’m living in Brooklyn unless I’m strapped.”
So the topic of guns came up. They were shouting over each other to express their opinions, such as:
- “What you want is a sawed-off shotgun. From here I could fire in any direction and hit all of you.”
- The loud person I mentioned above said, “My cousin’s got an AK. Two of my cousin’s got AKs.”
- From the always smiling 6’6” tri-athlete who looks like he could be Captain America, “I have a 357 Magnum with a silencer.”
Anyway — bringing this up to today’s events — the loud person checked his phone this afternoon and apparently saw a notice of the latest school shooting. I assume this is what he saw because he shouted out “WHO’S FUCKING GIVING THESE KIDS GUNS?”
edited to correct some grammar
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Head desk
Head desk
Head desk
. . .
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Boys: I have a question. How can it be that all of you take such care of your appearance, while not one of you owns a mirror?
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That’s good!
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Mr. Linkey’s work call:
Someone talking about project sequencing - Well, we don’t want to put the horse before the cart.
Mr. Linkey ( 
) - We don’t? Where do we want to put it?
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Colleague: “Hello, this is Dr. *****, how can I help you?”
Mom: “My daughter’s apnea alarm is going off. She says she feels fine. Should I start chest compressions?”
Colleague: “Ummm, no… How old is your daughter”"
Mom: “She’s 5, but we were just never OK with stopping the monitor.”
Colleague: “…”
Mom: “Hello? Do I start CPR?”
Colleague: “No, but you better bring in your monitor for a tune up.”
Narrator: “She never got it back.”
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“Was Jimmy Carter, like, that influential?”
“Dude, it’s not everyday a president dies. And he was also, like, a raging antisemite. Man, he f***in’ hated Jews.”
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I hope you walked over to who ever was saying that shit and punched him real good in the jaw… I know HR will be a pain, but man, fuck that shit. Don’t shit talk Jimmy, assholes.
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