Badass Dragoons of the Highlands - Call for Players

What is your name?

Lately, my driver’s license says Harold Farnsworth…but most folks call me Harry. By the way, do you realize how difficult it is to get good paper these days? I’m working an Amazon gig delivering packages because I couldn’t pass the FedEx background check. Gig economy, my ass. I’ll be glad when the next revolution starts. It’s been a while and they are kinda fun…

What part of the world were you born in?

Atlantis. Before Great Grandad sank it below the waves for the last time.

What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)

I’d guess around 1220? 25? The island dropped when I was in my late 20’s and I wasn’t having any of that nonsense.

What badass sword do you have in your hand right now*?

This old thing? It does the job.

Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?

The Wipeouters

For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

So after home had gone down a few fathoms and I made my way up onto shore, I was walking along the road when I was accosted by some ruffians.

Now Atlantis is known for art, for poetry, for beauty. But when you spend the better part of most generations under water, you don’t become known for the quality of your steel.

So after my sword shattered and I was run through a couple of times, I looked at them. They looked at me. I looked back at them. They ran the other way. The rest is a lot of history.

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What is this strange world I have awoken into? The last I knew before my accident, I was a real estate agent in Toronto named Bradley Evans. I remember celebrating at the King Eddy with some friends, then heading home and falling in front of a streetcar. It nearly tore my head off, which may explain why I’ve been in a coma since 1974, but not why I have recovered the memories of so many lives.

What is your name?
My name is Other Pendragon. (Not to be confused with my older brother Uther Pendragon. I get that a lot.)

What part of the world were you born in?
I was born in a small village in the Principality of Gwynedd, as it became known.

What year was that?
I don’t know in what year of the Jesus calendar. I can only tell you that I had already lived several centuries by the time I sailed with Prince Madoc to the Lands in the West. It was considered by my people to be unlucky to count the years of our lives. Things never changed much, anyway. The older folk spoke of it as the year the dragons were so bad, and thereby hangs a tale.

Indeed, a small dragon got into our cottage and attacked me in my cradle, and would have carried me off if my mother had not heard me cry and thrown a poker at it, then beaten it to death with an iron pot. (Thus earning the nickname “Little Saucepan”, which she carried proudly the rest of her life.) It was fortunate for me that she did. As is well known, only the blood of a dragon can heal the bite of a dragon.

What badass sword do you have in your hand right now?
This one:


And thereby hangs a tale, which I shall recount in a moment. There have been those who called me “Saxon” for it, though never twice, but I no longer let such insults bother me. I carry it to remember a worthy foe, for all that he was a smelly Saxon. Thirteen centuries or so is too long to hold a grudge.

Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?
Either these gentlemen:


Or possibly this group, in memory of Sylvia (not her real name), the last woman I loved and lost (I blame her mother).

Tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.
I promised a tale about my sword, so here goes. As a youth, in our endless regional squabbles and cattle raids, I never could afford any weapon but whatever pitchfork or billhook came to hand. When Cole the Thrice-Endowed gained power, I fought in his army in his quest to unify the land, and learned the skills of axe and sword. I rose through the ranks,and after he was crowned Cole the First, he named me as his justice minister. As a symbol of my authority, he gave me a fine longsword to wear on my judicial rounds. To remind myself of my responsibility to the King’s justice, I named it Cole’s Law.

Those were peaceful times, and often years would pass with no need to unsheathe my sword. But when the Saxons invaded, it served me well, and I acquired something of a reputation for my ability to fight boldly and tirelessly despite suffering grievous wounds. (As yet I had no idea that I might be immortal.) It was the poet Blodwen of Llangollen who described me, in her extended metaphor, as cutting down Saxons “as a cook shreds vegetables”. Soon our men were attributing my survival to my sword, and took to shouting the battle cry “Cole’s Law!” as they charged.

Things began to settle down as the Saxons were pushed back, but on a scouting mission in the forest one day, I had gone behind a tree to relieve myself when a Saxon knight sprang from cover and thrust his halberd deep into my chest. With no time to think, I drew my sword, slashed away the trews entangling my ankles, and attacked. The Saxon had a little of the True Tongue, albeit with an atrocious accent, and mocked me, saying that he could not be killed. I was the better swordsman, but even after I cut off his arm he fought on, merely commenting that he had suffered worse. Finally I cut off his leg and he tripped backwards over a large rock, at which point I took a mighty swing and severed his head. His last words, as his eyes stared at me in astonishment, were, “One of us!”.

It was then I realized that his halberd thrust had gone straight through my heart. Many things in my life began to make sense, and I started to wonder if the old legends were true.

I went to retrieve my sword, but my blow had driven it deep into the rock, and try as I might, I could not dislodge it. Finally I realized that it had served its purpose for me, and that I had no more taste for conflict if I could avoid it. I recited the formula releasing it from the King’s service, scratched Ex Cole Liber on the rock, and left it there. Perhaps it is there still. I have never been back. I took the Saxon’s sword in its place and began my wanderings.

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  1. What is your name?

Do I have to do this? Fine, call me YOwOl.

  1. What part of the world were you born in?

California.

  1. What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)


I have not decided that’s on topic.

  1. What badass sword do you have in your hand right now*?

Do you remember these? I do. I was browsing online just missing things, when I remembered them. So I went straight to eBay and found one for a very reasonable price. $400 I think? It’s vintage.
theforcesaber-catalog

  1. Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?

Anything coming through my sweet
Shure kse1500 Electrostatic Earphones while I’m blasting through canyons on my sweet BMW airhead.
download (2)

Did I mention I ride a sweet vintage BMW? It’s vintage.

  1. For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

I was heading to Baja for an epic adventure in my Westy, -did I mention I have Westy?

images

anyway it broke down (it’s vintage) three miles from home so as I waited for a tow I got online and found this tweet about immortals. I thought, that totally sounds like me. I’m in. So I retweeted about immortals, and here I am.

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  1. What is your name?

Hepher “Hep” Burn.


  1. What part of the world were you born in?

Falls of Glomach, Morvich, Scotland


  1. What year was that? (note: must be prior to 1250 CE)

1113 CE


  1. What badass sword do you have in your hand right now*?

Hinduwani Urumi



  1. Which band will eventually be tapped to do your soundtrack?

U.N.K.L.E (DJ Shadow era)


  1. For a reroll on your lowest stat, tell us about the moment in which you discovered or realized that you were counted among the immortals.

Ah wis accused of devilry an right awa pronounced a witch for shaggin some pompous ersehole’s wife and sentenced tae be drownt, an I quote “in the sky”, anat ended up been Loch Etchachan a the wai ower in the fuckin Cairngorms.

Sos they march us ower there wi a retinue of bloodthirsty, fuckin bastards pokin me wi sticks anat the whole fuckin time and we finally get there after a week and haulf an they done some ceremony wi prayers anat an then they tries tae drown us and what the fuck wid you know it, mah long lost Pa mustae been a fish.

Sos the priest starts screemin his heed aff about witchcraft this and and devilment that and they drags us outtae the watir and starts buildin a pyre but abdies fuckin soakt from a takin turns tryin tae drown us an their a havin a helluva time gettin it lit sos I sneak a hold of this one fuckwit’s dagger an set aboot them.

Took about an hour on account of ma hands still bein tied behind ma back and ah had tae chase doon a couple o them lookin like a reed de’il, sowkt tae the bone in blood but fuckit, gottem all in the end. Wandered back to the Loch and cleaned masel aff.

Wasnae until then I even noticed a coupla the blows had landed clean and ah had a bloody great, gapin hole where ma liver used tae be an I reckon that’s how come ah cannae really get that drunk, an how come ah went aff tae the Silk Road lookin’ for opium.

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Well, that Sunday Albert was home, they had a hot gammon,
And they asked me in to dinner, to get the beauty of it hot—
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME
Goonight Bill. Goonight Lou. Goonight May. Goonight.
Ta ta. Goonight. Goonight.
Good night, ladies, good night, sweet ladies, good night, good night.

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In addition to the Player Primer, a guide to Game Mechanics has just been posted in anticipation of tomorrow’s start. Please review and I’ll be happy to answer any questions that you may have.

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That’s a cool sword.

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Does self-decapitation count as a win, lose, or draw?

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Seein as how ahv takin tae wearin aroon ma kneck when nae in use, ahv got fair guid at whippin it aff withoot too much damage tae masel. Added benefit of a deep cut aroon the throat is ye cover yersel in great fuckin gouts ae blood an see when a foe clocks ye wi that bright blue goad smeared all ower yer face and bright reed blood smeared awair else, I reckon it does them a wee bit of schtonner, ken?

Aye, an ye can gurgle through the throat hole fer the added effect o these big reed bubbles whit forth aroon yer pus like some unholy cravat. Aye, well distractin at the very least, an if ye got the mind tae dae it right, sortae hides yer throat from precision attacks I reckon.
Aye, only against dunderheids like. Onyone that can really hunnle themselves can aim through it but it works on them that’s nae expectin it.

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She’s ma gel, luv er I do. Gotten me oot a just aboot as mony fichts as she’s gotten me intae.

Total bastard tae get right but ah’ve been chippin awa at her fer aboot a hunner years noo an she’s flashy as fuck. Lightweight too, cause who the fuck can be ersed luggin aroon a bloody claymore a ower the place?

I’ve got opium smokin tae think aboot an it’s tricky enough keepin the cunndle lit wiout gettin at sticky fuckin stuff ab-SO-fuckin-lutely awhere. Ruined three good kilts when ah wis carryin that claymore an don’t even get me started on the number o seal skin sporrans ahve fucked up wi oil. Bastard stuff dusny come oot at a.


*peers confusedly at you

Wait a minute. If I’m seein double how come there’s mare than twa of yis? Am ah hallucinatin again? Franko’s laid mare bad shit on me hasn’t he? I swear tae the gods he is the worst opium barron ahv ever kent.

*shakes fist at sky

Stop cuttin yer shit Franko! I paid fer the good stuff ye bloody ersehole!

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Je suis sûr que vous le savez, mais les interdictions de 200 ans ne signifient rien aux immortels.

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Ooh, I heard about that! Ol’ Winking Marlon is who that was, way I heard it. That poor guy dropped out and became a band manager for The Kinks on their US stint, stayed with them all the way to the end. Said it was a lot less work, but missed getting the free shirts.

I have no idea what happened to him, probably like all the rest, put out to pasture by robots. Might even work at Urban Outfitters these days.

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Perhaps we’ll try a thousand.

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it’s tricky enough keepin the candle lit wiout gettin at sticky fuckin stuff ab-SO-fuckin-lutely awhere

Have you tried a vape?

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C’est tout la meme pour moi, tete de noeud; amusez-vous avec vos gros jouets lorsque la Corée du Nord a détruit votre grande ville. Vous ne pouvez pas remarquer la perte de cheveux des retombées radioactives, mais vomissez sur votre Westy et votre moto ne sera pas sympa.

Je connais Mark et Carla, je leur dirai quoi un ballot et un débile mental vous êtes.

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I’m dinnae really ken much aboot modern fashion pal, but’ahl tak a lookee if ye kin point us at wan. Whassit onywoy? Some kinda bib?

Mind, ahve just come affa wannae them Chinese opium barges an ahv abso-fucking-lutely nae idea whar ah am or whit year it is, so please excuse mah complete lack of cultural decorum. Ken?

*puffs obssesively on ancient, ornate, opium pipe that appears to be carved out of a human femur

image

*stares at your sword, apparell and transportation for a few minutes

Eh, this stuffs no too bad I guess. Franko done me right after a.

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Grrrrrrrrrrrrr… RUFF.

You look… familiar

Hmmmmm.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr…

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Didat dug just spik!?

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Ha! You’re a funny one, I like you.

Your head will have a place of honor on my throne.

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Gunpowder, candlewax, femural blood, canine micturations…

this carpet smell really ties the gathering together.

#positivelyvintage

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