Ah, sort of congrats once removed. I like chgoliz’s advice better than mine, actually.
4 Likes
I started drinking coffee with lots of milk and sugar in high school. My daughter, now 21, won’t drink it except occasionally at Starbucks in some super sugary drink. She says the caffeine doesn’t affect her at all. I think it could be useful to get if properly deployed but she doesn’t seem to care for it. She does like good tea every so often but again not on the regular. I think it’s typical for kids to start on some kind of caffeine as the school schedules get more challenging.
6 Likes
Hi everyone. Me again. Asking for help/advice again. I know, I’m high-maintenance. Sorry about that. I either value everybody’s opinions here, or need more IRL interaction!
So. I’m being gaslighted! At work! By my team leader! I have proof, stashed away. Said work has recently asked me to go permanent part-time, after 3+ years of casual employment. I’ve agreed, but think I’ve made a really big mistake and will probably withdraw. Supposedly nothing will change if I don’t go perm p-t.
More details…
The gaslighting. I’m being told I did something wrong. The objective facts - aforementioned evidence, screenshots and the like - show I absolutely did not. There’s been four emails back and forth with the team leader, politely discussing it. Herein lies the gaslighting.
The perm p-t thing: when I was new, I really liked the company, although I knew nothing about it. But as time has gone on, I’ve come to loathe and despise it and many of the people who work for it. Its practices are dodgy and there’s so much manoeuvring, shenanigans and lies behind the scenes. I can’t stand that kind of thing. Just do your fucking job and go home, is my stance on that bullshit. Also, the team leader is Really. Fucking. Dumb. Sorry. My rampant cynicism got away from me then. I have no doubt that I’ve been asked to go perm p-t as simply a money-saving thing. We work odd hours - I work 5 days, starting at 4.30am, 5am, 10am or 5pm - yet don’t get penalty rates and aren’t employed under an award. Management doesn’t know where we fit in (ie what award we should work under) so the hourly rate is simply based on a generic award. But is not actually part of the award. So they just want me to keep working ridiculous hours but more cheaply. Even with the casual loading, we already earn minimum wage plus two cents an hour - so they can claim to pay more than minimum wage. The trade-off for going perm p-t is more “security”, 3 weeks annual leave, 3 days’ sick leave a year. They’re only offering it because they’re in breach of workplace laws which require them to offer casuals permanent work after a year, I’m pretty sure.
Anyway. Questions:
- from what I’ve described, is this in fact gaslighting?
- am I being a delicate little flower who wants to know she’s right if I follow this up?
- would you do something? Nothing?
- providing you think I should do something, should I go above the team leader (I absolutely do not trust higher management either)?
- should I stay casual (I really don’t wish to be more tied to this dodgy company than I have to be)?
- anything else you can think of?
Thanks!
7 Likes
Let me say in advance, I know nothing about employment law in your part of the world, so take this with a grain of salt…
I’m going to be brutal here. You need to find something new and quit this gig. It pays minimum wage, you’re a part-time employee, what’s keeping you there? From your message, it’s clear this isn’t doing your mental health any good. Whether your bosses and coworkers are idiots or not, you clearly don’t respect them, and it appears they don’t respect you. They may be breaking the law, and not in your favor. So what’s keeping you from moving on?
9 Likes
Good question. I doubt I’ll get another job anywhere. And as much as I whinge about it, I work from home, so dealing with idiots is limited (although still more than you’d think), plus to work those stupid hours, all I have to do is roll out of bed and stumble to the spare room/office. It’s convenient, easier than having to get up, shower, dress etc, travel to work… I’m complacent, lazy and a whinger, I guess!
And I didn’t see your question as brutal, just sensible, straightforward and honest 
8 Likes
Or maybe you just know which parts of the job are most important to you?
There is a non-trivial subset of IT folks for whom the holy grail of employment is the “100% remote” job, and they cite pretty much the exact same reasons you do: limited exposure to office/coworker shenanigans, no commute, no pants, etc. I talked to one guy who took a pay cut in order to get a remote position (there were other reasons too, of course, but working remotely was a big factor).
If you know what works for you, there’s no shame in that (although I’d probably agree with @RatMan, here; any energy you’d spend fighting with your current employer would probably be better spent looking for a new one if that’s even remotely viable).
8 Likes
3 Likes
On those occasions when I work from home it’s more like:
4 Likes
It’s always nice to hear that someone enjoys their job.
4 Likes
Maybe it’s because I have a tiny condo and not a good workspace as a result but I often find working from home to be very stressful. I have all the stresses of work combined with all the stresses of home and it’s very hard to separate the two. It’s all too easy to get distracted by other things as well.
There’s also a belief that if I’m not in the office that I’m not being seen and it makes it more difficult to be successful. Now I know rationally this is wrong; a lot of the people I work with on my team are remote but it still worries me.
I do often wish I could work 100% remote though. I don’t really like where I’m living, commuting sucks, I hate my work environment since we were moved to open offices. But decades of corporate culture being conditioned into me that you need to be physically present have done a number.
6 Likes
Cynical me says that the work-from-home trend (if that’s not too strong of a word) is just one more way employers are passing the cost of doing business on to their employees. What’s cheaper than an open-plan office? No office, of course! 
People who do it full time say you really have to have a dedicated space to make it work. And I always wonder what sort of housing market they live in that they can afford to essentially give away a room in their house to their employer. I know there are other trade-offs to consider that might make it a rational proposition for some folks, I’ve just never been in those circumstances, I think.
I love being able to work from home in a pinch (especially since I’m essentially always on call), or even on a whim, but I definitely would not want to do it all the time. More than anything else, I like the mental separation that comes with the physical separation. When I’m at work, I’m working and thinking about work things, and when I’m at home, I’m not.
4 Likes
Rural podunk midwest, for me anyway. I’m right on the edge of reasonable internet speeds but far out enough to have a dedicated office room in our very old house. My partner uses it also but not during my work hours.
The way I separate work from not-work is the room, but also I have a little bourbon to round out the work day. I’m 100% sober for work always, so when I’m even a little not-sober, I am not working. But also I put down my phone at the end of my work day and forget about it. It helps that my work is graphic design / marketing so there aren’t really emergencies.
5 Likes
“Space” doesn’t mean “room” though. For me it’s my dining room table. I don’t eat at the table, so letting the computer gear take over is no big deal.
I don’t get to work from home all the time, sadly, but I’ve done it for a week at a time and the only drawback was I really need to find the right chair for it, rather than one of my dining room chairs. I’ve already got a monitor and a keyboard and a quick method to set up my laptop with them.
Ironically, my apartment is better suited to office work than my office. I have a Starbucks across the road from me, and a couple places I can get a quick lunch in case I don’t have time between meetings to make one.
7 Likes
I’ve worked from home a lot over the past 12 years, full time for the last 5. Personally, I wouldn’t want to go back to commuting to someone else’s office.
I have a lot less stress and interruption at home; much easier to focus than being in an open office. No loud conversations, people tapping me on the shoulder to interrupt, trying to get me to go do socializing stuff, and no constant sense of being watched. A bunch of us who work remotely used to travel in once a month to spend a day in person at the office, and we never expected to get anything done when we were there.
I have a semi-dedicated space - we have a 2-bedroom place and one of those rooms is my office (it was in the attic at the last place I lived). But my office is also my reading room / game room / etc. You do need to set boundaries though, and have an end-of-work ritual/signal. Mine is when I shut my work laptop and reconfigure my desk to use the home PC. That’s also when I’ll have a drink, read webcomics, browse reddit, and relax for the evening. If it’s nice, I’ll go outside for awhile, go for a walk, sit and read a book, or do some minor yardwork to clear my head.
Communication is critical, but working mostly with other remote workers, we find it to be at least as good as teams that work in the office together, if not better. All of our company’s meetings are videocalls, and there are constant slack conversations. Things don’t get forgotten because they were just mentioned offhand by the coffeepot or someone just assumed that others had overheard. If your company doesn’t already have good communications, if you’re the only remote worker or one of only a few, then it could be more difficult.
They do that with commuting, which is worse in my opinion. Much cheaper for me to stay home than spend hours on the road every day.
6 Likes
Oh Jesus H a million times this. I’m extremely introverted, ADD, and OCD and open offices are a special kind of hell for me. I can’t put my stuff anywhere because there’s no room. Everything is too bright and I can’t lower the lights because others want it brighter. I get hot because I sit both by a window and under a vent so there’s a constant battle over temperature. Everybody is too loud so I have to wear headphones almost 100% of the time I’m at my desk. I have no walls so I can’t block out visual distractions. In those rare moments where I can focus, some chucklehead comes up to me, taps on my shoulder (or even worse, pulls up a chair next to me and waits for me to notice), and ruins it. Every damn day. It’s so fucking stressful.
I’m often tempted to get a note from my shrink and ask for an accommodation, but then I become “that guy” and where I work is so crowded I worry I’ll be put in another facility or forced to work from home, which as I mentioned earlier has its own challenges and stress.
I otherwise love my job and the work I do, but this fucking open office trend is awful for people like me.
10 Likes
From what I’ve read, it is for most people. Sick rates go up. Stress rates go up. Getting actual work done goes down.
Not to mention the whole thing turns into a sort of 18th century palace, with people worrying about who gets to sit by the window, who’s closest to the vice president’s office, and on.
I wish I could give your post more likes.
Last week I worked from home two days in a row – once because it was the first snow of the year and everyone was driving badly over it, and next day just because I had a lot to do and I realised if I took the commute out of the equation my stress levels went way down.
On the second morning I received an email from my manager asking if I was ill. I wrote back and said no, and listed all the things I’d got done already just by staying home.
He wrote back and said that was great, but to be careful because “stakeholders” had been upset at other people on my team for not being physically in the office, because they’d dropped by people’s desks and they weren’t there. He assured me no-one has complained about me, but he also nudged me to come into the office the next day.
So basically we’re being held hostage by a bunch of people who are not comfortable with asynchronous communications despite working for a tech company, and who feel their interruption is more important than whatever work will be spoiled for an hour after their little status question.
10 Likes
Gotta love the irony there. I’m lucky in that the team I work with has a lot of remote folks so people are accustomed to others not being physically in the office so I could conceivably be remote if I wanted. I worry that I ever decide to change teams I’d be screwed with a less enlightened team that expects everybody to be physically there. All too often with tech companies a culture of remote workers needs to be beat into others with a blunt instrument.
5 Likes
Nephew update and other stuff.
Whew, time goes so fast, doesn’t it?
So. The end of last school year (Nov/Dec here) nephew was suspended a couple more times. Then pulled out of the classroom one day because he and a friend were being disruptive. Got taken to a counsellor of sorts office, where - pretty sure to avoid punishment, rather than any real intent - nephew told the counsellor he (nephew) was suicidal. Which finally got some action from the school and his parents. Was referred to a paediatrician. His mum decided before the appointment that whatever the diagnosis, she’d prefer he not have to take medication, if that was the recommended path. I was aghast at that, but kept my opinion to myself.
The paediatrician’s diagnosis: further assessment required but ADD, autism-spectrum traits, anxiety, depression. He’s been referred to an autism service for more assessment. All of which has sent my sister into an ‘I’m a shit parent’ spiral. Meanwhile, nephew has been picked up by police because a friend was caught shoplifting while nephew was with the friend (and nephew wasn’t even meant to be at the shops at the time, he was meant to be home with his sister). Then got caught wagging school with same friend THE NEXT DAY. Fuck, this kid either has the biggest balls in the world, truly has no care for or understanding of consequences, or is a world-class attention seeker and button-pusher.
Or perhaps just doesn’t give a fuck.
I don’t know. As for my awful work and dumb as dogshit team leader: she’s having a great time micromanaging me. I’m looking for work elsewhere before I hulk out and tell her to fuck her low IQ self and the dodgy fucking company.
Thanks for reading!
9 Likes
I’m hoping for some advice on doctors and doctoring.
Has anyone had experience with a DO as opposed to an MD?
a DO is apparently a real doctor. A doctor of osteopathic medicine, which is apparently not the same as an osteopath.
3 Likes
My experience is limited but I’ll share it. My primary MD was in an office with a DO. A few years ago, I had a 4 day migraine and my doc was on leave. The DO did fine, across 3 appointments because there was also vertigo. Not appreciably different than other docs I’ve seen. Standard care not chiropractic or something weird.
3 Likes