Interesting, and a message that I wish more dudes would listen to. Yeah, whenever I see a hypermacho ripped man (I guess the term now is shredded), I wonder about all those many, many hours he spent in a gym, just so he can look good to other guys (even though he doesn’t realize that).
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It’s done real damage. To the point where when I tell my own husband I think he is attractive he doesn’t believe it fully. Like there is a point where you start looking less healthy and functional because frankly you live a weird compulsion-dependent life now and your body shows it. Much like extremely emaciated women with large breast implants and lip injections… it’s a niche. Meanwhile one of the most universally attractive features a person can have is cheerful looking eyes.
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In her Bluesky thread, one of the responses speaks to this directly:
A decent amount of time when I go to the locker room at the gym there’s a dude flexing in the mirror and admiring himself, and I always think “looks like you’ve found your partner” when I do.
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Intelligence is hugely attractive. And a sense of humour.
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And even in long term male-female romantic/sexual relationships, the sex part is a tiny part; the rest is watching tv, having meals, sleeping (actually sleeping), doing chores, going places in the car or on transit, etc.
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And/or, to a very specific type of woman.
Like, it’s fine if that’s who you want to attract, but that caveat is never explicit.
Someone was telling me about a guy, somewhat famous guy I didn’t recognize, said how as an adolescent he was “the funny one,” and never got the girls. He noticed the guys who got the girls were very serious, so he squelched the humorous part of himself to be very serious, and it worked. He got the girls. Later he lamented that society had repressed his spark of humor.
But he didn’t recognize (as far as I could tell from the story) that it was his desire to attract a certain kind of girl that made him do that. Plenty of girls like guys who make them laugh. Just maybe not the ones who outwardly looked like he wanted. 
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I knew it was time to propose to my now-wife when I noticed how well we fight (among other things). Seriously, it’s sometimes angry but we always try to be respectful, settle things, and learn something new about each other.
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It’s not just women, btw. If I, as a heterosexual man, had been asked without further context who was more attractive, I would have chosen the before picture as well. Also, the before is a perfectly fit man, not husky or fat as some of the comments say in the article. Of the two, I think the before is healthier than the after.
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Jesus. Be careful who you have sex with!
Interesting comment – makes sense to me:
It’s because they felt emotionally vulnerable for a short period of time. A lot of these are the men who as boys were demeaned and abused if they showed any emotional vulnerability. They’re the boys who were called gay if they hugged their mums, or cared about an animal. They’re the children of men who were probably gay and saw any emotion as an attack on their self-imposed “heterosexuality”. Now, anytime they feel emotionally vulnerable they want to destroy the thing that made them feel that way because it comes from a place of intense self-disgust.
I’m not saying that to make anyone feel sorry for them. They’re emotionally damaged by emotionally damaged men. The only person who can save them, is them. Never try to save one of these men, they’ll destroy you if you even try to guide them to a healthier place. These men can only change themselves.
But they are damaged. They are the deeply damaged sons of deeply damaged men.
The rest of them have been brought to this place by the Andrew Taints of the word (yes I do know his name isn’t taint, but it is really, isn’t it). Men desire connection and approval of other men. They desire this so deeply they’ll twist themselves into knots to get it. The men who fall for this nonsense are deeply, deeply insecure. They have no idea who they are and they’ll listen to any snake oil salesman who can give them an identity.
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I think it’s fine to feel sorry for them personally. However I think no one should ever date some one they feel sorry for.
I don’t mean avoid empathy. But imo some one who has struggled should be some one you admire for what they have overcome and who they have become. If you feel sorry for them then some part of you knows they are not that, at the very least. One of you is likely to have a dangerous power imbalance and that’s just not a great place for a relationship to start off from.
Pity, contempt, lack of respect… these are all kind of synonyms. But, like, some people are not worthy of your respect too really. Like if someone behaves in a repulsive and offensive matter it’s totally fine to ice that out or combat it.
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Also known as “the reverse Vance.”
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interesting that the two films with the most balanced (yet still heavily tilted “male”) are American Beauty and Silence of the Lambs.
hmmm… interesting in how those women’s voices were portrayed/ treated/ spoken…
that graph is informative.
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They really shouldn’t have left 2003 (Chicago) off the list. It wouldn’t have distracted from their point.
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That’s clearly the most obvious explanation of what’s going on here. No need to look further, or practice some introspection.
/S
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