I didn’t watch the video, and I really don’t want to watch a video about Miller and how he became the reptilian facsimile of a human he is today. As far as you go, I believe it’s because people make choices while they grow up. For the entirety of their growing up, until they pass on. You made choices to care about people.
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Two implied assertions in there really struck me. One, that men from more rural areas apparently expect (are used to) violent interactions in their lives? (In a way big-city people don’t.) But also - especially - the idea that men are more attuned to the “implicit threats of violence” in their environment than women are? Really? Than women? There’s a level of cluelessness required to even assert such a thing - a real unawareness of the kinds of violence that people are actually subject to (and have a lifetime of developing situational awareness of). Real violence, not the kind of fantasy, action-movie violence that this guy is “ready for.”
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Funny to note that when women are afraid of men in cities the women are often called crazy. When men are afraid of men in cities the women are crazy for not fearing. You see? Women crazy, men sane and rational! Always. Objective reality be damned!!!
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Funny AND true:
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And if steps 1-4 don’t seem to be helping, just smile more.
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I’m trying to avoid using gendered language. Confession time, earlier today I posted, then deleted, a comment calling Musk’s actions a coup d’twat. I’m sorry, I will try to do better.
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Not being an asshole isn’t an “impossible standard”, dickhead.
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Dude is 60.
I’ve never heard anyone over the age of 25 say “the ick” before.
60yos trying to hook up with teens and early twenties and complaining it’s “too hard?” Lol
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No wonder he gives “the ick”
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If he’s 60, then that’s the photo he’s using to trick younger women into agreeing to a date with him.
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I dunno. I googled him and that is the age that comes up for a journalist by that name according to the search engine. Well, that hand this op ed he wrote which is currently all over social media I guess.
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I read that steaming pile of fecal matter, even though I knew I probably shouldn’t give it the time of day.
Relevant (to my ranting) quote:
Of course, it is clearly exaggerated for comic effect. But humour reflects deeper truths about social expectations. Women have long had to endure the relentless scrutiny of being deemed attractive based on impossibly narrow standards.
Now men are finding themselves judged not just on their looks, but on split-second actions. The idea that a minor faux pas can instantly wipe out attraction breeds an already latent anxiety.
Men get the ick too, but these rarely carry the same weight, nor seem to hold the same power to undermine confidence.
This casual cruelty can have real consequences. At its heart, the “ick” trend reinforces an impossible standard: that men should be attractive at all times; never look silly, falter, or be human. It is yet another mixed message to navigate.
So he somehow recognizes (barely) the difficulties women have had to deal with in surviving under double standards and mixed messages, yet he only finds it objectionable and worthy of critique when it’s suffered by MEN.
Yes, maybe it’s unfair to for one person to write another off for tiny things, though it must be acknowledged that attraction can be a fickle thing for folks of any gender. But to whine and cry than men should be exempt from a universal human experience because gee golly, it’s just too ouchy for their poor wittle fee-fees to handle… 
Yet it’s folks like this who call women weak.
To be fair-- I don’t wanna say that men aren’t suffering, and no, it isn’t right that they’re hurting. Patriarchy damages ALL of us, men included. It heaps unrealistic expectations and demands on men just as it does on women, and the emphasis on being the stereotypical “strong stoic provider” impacts the ability for some men to have a full, healthy emotional range.
But the answer can’t be double standards, “good for thee but not for me” bullshit that only reinforces the patriarchal traps we’re all caught in, and yes, I can and will mock that kind of thinking… hopefully without losing empathy for the hurt behind it. I’m only human, but I’ll try.
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I had another thought about this. (Maybe I should wait for a response to reply to, but I’m impatient today.)
I think part of what’s enraging me about this essay is-- it was soooo close to actually making a breakthrough. It’s such a small step from realizing “is this what women go through? It sucks…” to “…then maybe we shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations for anybody.” I’d have accepted “hey, maybe ‘the ick’ isn’t the greatest term for it and we should try to be kinder and more empathetic to other people, even when we’re no longer interested in being their partner.” That would’ve been fair enough.
But instead they go straight to “oh no, teh p00r menz” (I’m sorry, but that is what I got from the article) without a hint of concern for women… and that’s just frustrating, disappointing garbage.
How do we break through this attitude when others are so unwilling to see, or learn from their experiences?
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I’m not sure we can. Not until more men stop seeing themselves as simultaneously victims and owed women’s attention.
Archive link if anyone else has the bandwidth to read such drivel. No need to feed this man baby’s need for attention
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Says a man who probably wouldn’t bother asking out women who are over 50 and have a pleasant personality.
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Yea, this line especially:
Of course, men get the ick too. But these rarely carry the same viral weight, nor do they seem to hold the same power to humiliate and undermine confidence.
Ummm, how would he know what our (us wimmins, I mean) internal reactions are?
He’s obviously never been a victim of the dismissive male gaze that Dustin Hoffman so famously wrote about experiencing when he was in costume for Tootsie. We get this shit from the time we’re old enough to remember. 
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Also, there’s a whole social media platform that was originally developed to judge women’s appearances. But yeah, let’s focus on how toxic men are not attractive to women.
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