LOL, to me “queer” meant eccentric in the straight world, although I learned early on of its dual meaning in society. So it fits me BOTH WAYS, YAY!
I feel SUPER-COMFY with that, and it was that one descriptive that kept slipping my mind. Thanks for bringing it to my attention! 
I was under 10 when I first started thinking that I didn’t want to be a girl, I wanted to grow up to be a man. Now, I didn’t necessarily want a different body, just that I saw that women got the short end of the stick most of the time, and I didn’t want that for me. I wanted to opt-out, even if I didn’t have that language.
I guess I was in college (early 90s) when I started thinking about it in terms of not wanting to participate in gender, because I found it to be a construct that didn’t work for me. If the term non-binary had existed then, I would have completely embraced that. I just mostly wondered why the fuck gender mattered most of the time, and I still think that other people’s genders don’t affect me, like at all. I’m not saying people’s genders shouldn’t matter to THEM, just that the gender of the doctor/lawyer/clerk/server/employer/nurse/teacher/cop/customer/rando/etc is irrelevant to me in our interactions. And, I think my gender ought to be irrelevant to them.
Now in my late 40s, I absolutely feel non-binary. But, I’m extremely conflict averse, and I don’t have dysphoria on being called she/her so I just go with the flow of being perceived as a female human. I absolutely feel great about being called they/them but it doesn’t happen in real life. Back in my 20s, when I still had some fight left in me, I could have done it all differently, but now I feel like I’ve missed my window to press the issue.
I had fallen into the “you aren’t living on your own so you must become a working wife and/or mother” trap, although I hardly worked OUTSIDE THE HOME during my first marriage. It took me a loooooooooooong time (like until 2016-2017) for me to realize I don’t have to be in an intimate romantic relationship with anyone. In fact, I started to think about re-entering the scene when the pandemic hit. But I still want, I dunno? a long-term pen pal.
One thing I’m glad I didn’t miss out on is my pregnancy with, the birth of, and the raising of my son, trying though it’s been at times. But the experience…it’s just amazing to me that I did it. Mind you, I’m glad I didn’t have to do it again. And the wonder at WOW I CAN CARRY AND NOURISH ANOTHER BEING THAT HAS THE SAME GENETIC MATERIAL THAT I DO!!! This is just me, but it was…wow, that’s all I can say.
HOWever…menstruation and pre-menopause and menopause, I could’ve done without.
Genderbending meet in the 1970s:
When I was a kid, I fancied myself a tomboy type. I liked Kate of the three Charlie’s Angels. The more tough, down to earth one. But come puberty time, I felt very comfortable being a woman. I’ve never not felt like a woman.
Yet lots of my interests are more masculine. Engineering. Computers. Pinball. And I’m a natural leader.
So most of my life I’ve been this femme woman in a man’s world. And I got so tired of fighting upstream. I like having my own business now and not trying to navigate male spaces all the time.
Engineering really loses out on women’s voices. Software at least has more women but I liked engineering better. I don’t miss not being seen. Now I have people tell me I make a difference. It means a lot to me.
Technology needs to be feminized, but what does that mean? It means that things (at the moment) need to be checked and double-checked. “Too many cooks in the kitchen” is a patriarchal slur against nerds in general but women in particular.
There’s so many ways that women could influence tech for the better. Like, we buy most phones. So then, who decided to make the new ones So big? The reason no one wants to let go of the iPhone 6s is they fit in women’s pockets and hands really well.
Or, just having a design team be more collaborative and less big dick energy.
Creating devices that are more inclusive, more friendly to elderly and disabled would benefit not just those people but their caregivers - who are largely women.
And financially to have women in truly high paying positions and able to influence practical hands on tech we use every day would be so empowering.
Fixed etc.
Thank you. My bad!
Support publications dedicated to getting his name right. Slap down people who insist on deadnaming, even just to claim “because otherwise people won’t know who I am talking about.”
I’m just impatient to see him continue his role in Umbrella Academy. That last series was fantastic.
Okay. I just think it’s respectful to call someone by whatever name they decide suits them best. That’s just common courtesy - and if that’s not “in”, then I am definitely “out”.
Yes. Already had the pronoun conversation with someone who didn’t “get” it.
No, pronouns are not like nicknames. You can and should set them yourself.
Even without the gendering, it’s one of the classic ways to disrespect someone.
If someone tells you their name, that’s what they want to be called.
I have a pronoun question. Elliot Page said their preferred pronouns are he/they.
If someone chooses he/they or she/they what are they indicating versus he/him or she/her?
Different set of nouns that’ve lost their amateur status, so a different problem; but still a problem all the same.
My understanding (somebody please correct me if I’m wrong) is that “he/they” means either is acceptable - he/him or they/them. Like, they might prefer if you call them they, but if that’s awkward, he’s ok.
This is my understanding as well.
I asked my daughter this same question as she is very hip on this stuff. She said He is the preferred pronoun but he also will reply to They
Yeah, anyone who lists two pronouns is indicating either is fine, they may or may not more strongly prefer one or the other. I know of people, mostly from Youtube with preferences in either direction who list two pronouns.
And I’ve occasionally seen people with no preference at all, usually gender fluid folks. Who are cool with “he” “she” or “they”.