Oh, goody.
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And since I thought of it today (while shovelling)
Diary of a snow shoveler
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry- we’ll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again
I don’t think that’s possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that’s silly.
We aren’t in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her.
God I hate it when she’s right.
I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity’s back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey.
I think they’re lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they’re lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he’s lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she’s lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she’s an idiot.
If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She’s really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what’s left of the house.
No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed
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We got about 14” of snow from Friday to Sunday morning. If it had come down any faster, most of Detroit would stil be snowed in. We’re just not equipped for more than about 8”, max., at a time.
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We didn’t get as much snow (15-20cm ish over 3 days), but then we got freezing rain and a cold snap. The roads this morning were not slippery, but the crust of snow on the side roads was crunchy.
More annoying were the big sheets of snow coming off the cars on the expressway which had not been properly cleaned. Hell is other people, etc.
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I failed to mention that the final inch was all ice pellets. Heaviest inch of snow I’ve ever shoveled.
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My sympathies.
All of the stuff (save the berm caused by the plow) was all fairly Light -n- fluffy. Just too damn much of it.
Hope the weather goes as predicted and some of it melts off because I am running out of space to put it.
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Uff, that does suck. Hope your back is okay.
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OK now it’s cold again. Supposed to get down to 27°F tonight.
DAMN YOU, AXIAL TILT
DAMN YOU, AXIAL TILT
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Sunny as fuck tho. Til Wednesday.
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Apocalyp Snow?
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As is typical for shovelable snow, the weather people around here did jokingly reference “snopocolypse.”
It was the Storm of the Century of the Year of the Month of the Week, and it is every stinking time.
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How to measure snow:
Observe the nearest back yard or park regularly. At least once a day.
When someone from another weather region asks, report:
- hardly any
- just a sprinkle
- a light dusting
- a bit of
- a good coating
- put down a solid layer
- a lot
- a whole lot
- a tonne
- a metric shit tonne
- a metric fuck tonne
Levels above are indicated by adding extra adjectives (“we got a goddamn metric shit tonne of snow last weekend”).
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I haven’t yet recovered from that presenter who thinks the Dutch still get around on skates in the winter. Global warming denialism is sometimes farcical. (It may be a relatively short term weather pattern change but 35 years is beginning to look awfully long term.)
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...LOWLAND SNOW POSSIBLE LATE SUNDAY... ...COLDEST TEMPERATURES OF THE WINTER LIKELY EARLY NEXT WEEK... - Snow expected to mix in with rain showers down to sea level on Sunday for all areas including the coast and interior lowlands...including the Columbia River Gorge and Hood River. Any accumulation expected to remain 1000 feet and above during the day Sunday. - Light snow accumulations are possible Sunday night, but showery nature of precipitation will lead to scattered areas of accumulation and no accumulation. - Temperatures will fall quickly Sunday night which will likely cause wet roads to refreeze, even where snow does not fall. - Temperatures expected to fall into the low 20s in the cities and into the upper teens in the outlying areas on Monday night.
http://forecast.weather.gov/showsigwx.php?warnzone=ORZ006&warncounty=ORC051
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For those of you who are struggling with your “snow-pocalypses” and “snow-mageddons”, spare a thought for those of us across the pond. This is the ‘huge’ amount of the white stuff that will bring the UK to its knees for the next week.
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Did someone drop a container of baby powder on the ground by accident?
(I kid, I kid.)
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O_O
Bwaaa haaaaa haaa!1!11
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Meh. It’ll be 90F around here soon enough.
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