Now that it’s not RAINING or SNOWING, I can get out of the house and meet people. One of my lady friends picks up litter because she’s kind of OCD that way, and I helped her out last week. So, I’m thinking of doing it in my own neighborhood.
Now…I’m thinking…I could turn it into performance art - dancing while I pick up the litter!
I watched “Separate Tables” for the first time, late last night. I highly recommend it; it shows people who are “frightened of life” and how they cope with it. Great stuff! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NHf9WcJwHk
The friend in the poem isn’t who I was thinking of
I’m thinking of the one to two dozen person community I need to build in order to be able to eat or hang out with someone a few times a week, have random deeper conversations with, and attend a bigger social event a couple times a month. That’s “friend” in my mid American dialect anyway, maybe “acquaintance” to others.
The “friend” in the poem – that’s fam. That’s different. That’s not someone you can just expect to find.
I’d agree with @nothingfuture - hobby groups, if there are any, that match your interests or curiousities:
You automatically have something in common (the interest in the hobby) with the other people there.
You have something to do there to distract you and minimise self-consciousness and awkward silences.
It’s slightly formal, and you’re not expected to be a friend ‘right off the bat’.
And worst case: If it all goes horribly, horribly wrong? You never have to go back
Don’t worry too much about folks knowing more about the topic than you either. Something I’ve noticed? People love telling an interested person about their hobby. It can also have a ‘halo effect’, where they think more of you as a consequence - people like being allowed to show off.
(Why yes, I did give this little spiel to someone in family a little while back ;))
Pick up a musical instrument. It really doesn’t matter which one. Or sing. Find a group you can play or sing with. Bring beverages or snacks at irregular intervals.
ETA: There can be strange side effects from applying this advice. You may end up in bars, like, a lot. You may end up standing up on top of bars or tables in bars. People may buy you far more alcohol that anyone should drink. At times it may be difficult to find the sense in all of it. You may need to find an additional, quieter hobby, like gardening, for balance.
Small venue concerts with bands/singers that aren’t well-known
Places that have ‘live music night’ with local bands
The local goth night club that only happens once or twice a month, (usually on Thursday nights for some reason) or something similar in being limited
Often at small venue events with relatively non-famous bands, there will be few people there. The staff will be bored and happy to have someone to talk to, as will other audience members and the band as well. Things like the goth night club that only happen once or twice a month usually have a group of regulars that you’ll recognize and start to get to know before long. I mention this instead of just ‘go out to a club’ because those special nights are limited and people can’t just go whenever. That seems to make a difference in how open people are to meeting new people. Just by being there at the right place and time, dressed/behaving appropriately, you’re in the in group.
If you go anywhere like that there’ll probably be a group of people standing outside smoking and it’s quieter out there and easy to strike up a conversation or join in one with that group. You don’t have to smoke to step outside for some fresh air and conversation. Just by being there, you can overhear some interesting stories, see people greet other arrivals and say their goodbyes to people leaving, and get an idea of who you do or don’t want to talk to more and what sort of in-group drama/rifts there are.
Update: so my work was generous and gave us a four day weekend for Independence Day. Looks like when all is said and done I’ll have done four different activities with four different friend groups: climbing, hiking, board games, and watching fireworks. FWIW 3 are from work and 1 is my landlord. No super close friends yet, but a couple possibilities, and I think this is really good for just two months of gradually opening myself up to people who seem nice at work and elsewhere.
I have a good friend in town there right now. I bet he’d meet you for a coffee. He lives in Denver, but housesits in Boulder sometimes. I like your town. There is a really good noodle shop IIRC.
Met this really awesome guy last night, talked and danced for hours, type of guy I could easily connect with on multiple levels – we got drunk and he wanted to go home with me & I was drunk and really really wanted to, but didn’t want to explain the whole “still have a dick” thing unless my other friend was there for backup. Turns out she got kicked out of the club and then instead of me being brave and just telling him, I rambled about having a secret I was too scared to share & left.
Coulda sworn I saw him in the corner of my eye this morning walking away, I was doing a quick painting on the street before my martial arts class and my painter’s smock over sweaty workout clothes look was probably not remotely passable or attractive. That’s got to be the worst of both worlds, if he found out I was trans some way like that without me talking about it first. Ugh.
Would be nice to get out of this “in-between” gender space before the next guy comes around, but frack, that’s all hard to do, especially when I still have to regularly fight doctors just to get hormones.
May I ask why? This is unknown stuff to me and with society changing (despite the broflakes’ and religious fascist’s best efforts) I’d like to be informed.
I’ve been following the conversations about this online and I vote for you staying safe!!! I’m sorry that you have to navigate all this weirdness and not just be able to interact with people because it’s fun and you like them.
I don’t want to speak for @enceladus (who can truly speak for a moon?), but I also don’t want her to bear the burden of educating us on trans issues.
There are significant barriers in trans healthcare. The NIH have conducted several studies on these issues - here’s a link to an article that addresses some of them: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4802845/
Yes yes, trans healthcare still complex for a variety of reasons but the important thing is the guy texted me yesterday and we’re meeting up for coffee later this week
I’ll chime in from things I’ve been reading. The TLDR is that not all men are going to react well when they discover that the beautiful woman they’ve been biding time with has a penis, and that without explaining in advance of natural discovery of this situation during sexytimes, the trans woman is risking her life, or serious injury. A trans woman is also less like to be helped out by police in a situation like that.
There are some good blog posts going around about it. I’ll see if i can round up a few.
Let me know if I’m out of line for sharing this but, the thread reminds me of a personal thing. Years ago, I met a girl who was charming, beautiful, fun to talk to, she had a great sense of humor, and she was single. So I asked her out. She ran away crying and her friends all looked like they’d seen a ghost. I had no idea what I’d done wrong. Finally one of her friends told me that the girl had been born with a genetic disorder, was not fully female, and so of course could never date a guy.
I was blindsided. I liked the girl and honestly wouldn’t have cared if she’d had 3 dicks or whatever, I just wanted to spend some time with her. She was smart, she was fun, I liked her. But she was so ashamed of herself, that I never got the chance to get to know her more. I hope things are better for her now.
I had a kind of, not exactly, similar experience with a man who was impotent (this was pre-viagra). I really liked him and dated for some time. He went on to become one of my best friends; I think once his shameful secret was out he felt that he could truly be friends with someone. He believed that he was unlovable because of this physical problem that really didn’t matter to me, and I think he had some idea in his mind that the equipment was going to work with the right woman.
