A biologist, a statistician, and a pure mathematician visit the hilly moors of Scotland. After a week of seeing only white sheep, they spy upon a hillside peak the profile of a sheep with black wool.
“Aha!” says the biologist. “Now we know: there are black sheep in Scotland!”
The statistician rejoinders, “Incorrect, my esteemed colleague: we know that there is at least one black sheep in Scotland.”
The mathematician responds: “You’re both jumping to conclusions. All we know is that there’s at least one sheep in Scotland that’s black on at least one side!”
Two people travel in a balloon, and somehow, with many low clouds obscuring the view, they get lost and have no idea where they are. Suddenly they see a small figure ambling about in a meadow down below, and on top of their lungs scream to them: “HEY, WHERE ARE WE??!!?”
The figure seems to have taken notice, but does not answer, instead seems to ponder about. After what seems like ages for the balloonists, the figure finally responds: “You are in a balloon!”
With the balloon drifting off, one balloonist shakes his head and says to the other: “Oh my, what a stupid git!” The orther reponds: “Ah, I think that was a mathematician. (1) They took ages for an answer, (2) the answer was completely correct, but (3) it was entirely useless!”
A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are visiting a large sheep farm. (What is it with these jokes and sheep? I don’t know.)
The professors happen upon one particular field with a large number of sheep. The physicist notices a large pile of un-assembled fencing, and develops an idea. The physicist says, “Esteemed colleagues, let’s have a little wager. Whoever among us can enclose these sheep with the least length of fencing shall purchase coffee for the faculty lounge when we return. What do you say?” The biologist and the mathematician agree.
They draw lots, and the biologist goes first. He uses his knowledge of animal behavior to guide the sheep into a tight herd, then quickly deploys fenceposts and wire fencing to enclose the sheep. When he’s done, the sheep are shoulder-to-shoulder, with barely room to shuffle their feet. Afterwards he disassembles his fencing and allows the sheep to return to their usual grazing.
“Impressive,” says the physicist, “but watch this.” She takes a long piece of rope from the pile of fencing materials and describes a large circle around the once-again dispersed sheep. Then she makes a loop at one end of the rope and passes the other end through the loop, pulling the line until it makes a taut band around the somewhat-panicked and immobile sheep. She then leisurely builds a fence snugly around the bundle of sheep, using half the fencing of her biologist colleague. Finally, she lets the poor sheep roam free again.
“Your turn,” she says to the mathematician. Without a word, the mathematician stands and gathers a small amount of material from the pile of fencing supplies. Building a small fence around themself using about a meter of material, the mathematician declares, “I define myself to be on the outside!”
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician stay at a hotel for the night. In each of their rooms, there’s a fire in middle of the night.
The engineer awakes, sees the fire, runs into the bathroom, opens all faucets and blocks the drains, thus submerging the apartment and extinguishing the fire.
The physicist wakes up, sees the fire, makes some quick back-of-the-envelope calculations at the desk, gets the measuring glass from his suitcase, draws a precise amount of water from the tap in the bathroom and pours it over the flames, which are thus extinguished.
The mathematician gets up, sees the fire, and opens the door to the corridor. Looking along it, they spot a fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. The mathematician exclaims: “Oh, but that’s trivial!” and goes back to bed.
A theologician, a physicist and a mathematician are staying together in a hotel apartment. In the middle of the night, there’s a fire in another room, but the staircase is blocked, so they only way out is to jump from a window into the hotel pool down below.
The theologician is first. They sit on the window sill, make a short prayer and then push themselves off. Unfortunately, they miss the pool. Man proposes, god disposes.
The physicist is next. They estimate distances, carefully check the wind, and make the according calculations. They sit on the window sill, take a deep breath, and push themselves off with just the right amount of impulse. It all works out, they hit the pool and are saved.
The mathematician thinks: the physicist could do it, so I should be even more capable of making it! They just do as the physicist: They estimate distances, carefully check the wind, and make the according calculations. They sit on the window sill, take a deep breath, and push themselves off with just the right amount of impulse. But instead of plunging down into the pool, they fly up in the air! What happened?
