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Sure, but you can figure out this stuff by straight out asking, instead of relying on signals that you personally have a hard time interpreting.
Then you should ask, instead of staying in the dark, yeah? It should go both ways, in that you need to let others know what YOU need from them in terms of understanding as well. If you don’t let them know what sort of communication works for you, they won’t be able to communicate clearly with you. And if they’re not willing to communicate clearly with you, once they understand what you need from them in order to understand them, then it’s ON them. But if you’re also not telling people about how you understand others, they won’t know…
[ETA] I’m not trying to criticize you here, rather to note that different ways of understanding the world and interact with others is not an insurmountable problem, as long as all parties are open and communicate about differences that could impact understanding.
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Ahaha no I can’t. Believe me, I tried. Usually when I ask, I’m told that I’m an asshole for not paying attention and that every functioning adult knows what XYZ means and that I should just try to have a little empathy. Sometimes they tell me that they can’t explain it to me, because in the real world nobody will explain things to me. Occasionally I actually get someone to explain what I need them to explain, but far too infrequently.
Where I’m from, the answer to “what’s wrong?” is always “nothing”, because if something were truly wrong I’d do something besides ask what’s wrong 
Plus, the person I ask would seriously be offended by how much of a clueless idiot I am and how little I pay attention and how little empathy I have etc etc etc. Us Upper Midwesterners are a really passive-aggressive bunch.
I do ask, only to paint myself as a shockingly unempathetic idiot. But I have no other way of finding out.
Maybe not, but it really feels to me like you are. You’re telling me what you’d do when you don’t even know from experience. I’ve lived with this for the past forty years. I know what works and what doesn’t. Things have changed a lot, so it’s easier for me now than it used to be,* but it’s still not easy.
- in the eighties and nineties I was repeatedly told that I can’t be autistic because autistic people can’t talk.
The problem is, they aren’t open and they can’t communicate. And the communication issues are always someone else’s fault.
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Okay, I think we can all agree that:
- This isn’t an acceptable way to communicate and, when that happens, it’s the other person who’s being the asshole, not you, and,
- This isn’t the type of communication issue being described in the article that was posted (where the author clearly and repeatedly states that he had been told how upsetting his behaviour was).
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Re-read what you just wrote there, please.
Communication is still a two-way street, even if your personal road is bumpier than average.
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Yeah, I am aware
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Okay. Sorry. I’m trying to be on your side, so I’d appreciate maybe if you weren’t so hostile to me.
My entire point was that though it’s difficult, it’s not insurmountable to say to the other person in a relationship that you have a different communication and understanding and have them work with you to communicate clearly, and that when the other person doesn’t do that, that’s not on you to fix. It’s them that’s the problem. But if you don’t communicate to them that you can’t read more subtle clues, then how will they know. Either way, if both sides in a relationship aren’t willing to do what needs to be done to communicate clearly, whatever that may mean, then it’s a more serious problem that either means the relationship might need outside help or the relationship isn’t worth pursuing.
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Wet Thor?
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Not even close to being true, and I’m dismayed at the derail this thread has taken.
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Yes, sorry. I am guilty of grabbing the steering wheel.
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I have split the thread as neatly as I can. The continued discussion on the difficult dance of communication can be found in this thread: Communication Is Broken
Ths was done to respect the purpose of this thread and the pattern of posting until this recent turn of topic.
Sorry for not acting sooner. We tried to retain as much readability as we could with the topic fork.
Please remember to respect your fellow posters - if a new facet of discussion veers toward a different tangent than the rest of the thread prior, it may be time to make use of the Reply As New Thread feature, which you can access by clicking on the previous post’s timestamp.
Thank you.
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Just give it to Jesus, he can take the wheel! 
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Somewhat OT, but are you using a different background colour for your admin as opposed to your personal posts?
If so, thank you for the transparency.
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Yup! Discourse has the handy option to make a post use Staff Colour. Very useful for delinating staff decision from private opinion. Transparency is key to fostering community. Thank you all for understanding.
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Thread:
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What is this “justice”? I seriously believe that the concept of it has been seriously in serious disrepair for quite sometime.
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Wait. Wait wait wait. She’s having her sentence commuted but is still on parole? That’s ridiculous.
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