Would you be surprised if I said US assault law is super grim? We have assault (threat of attack) and battery (the actual act). Different states have different laws about assault. Some are intent irrelevant - I believed I was in danger of imminent harm. For that, the reasonable person standard tends to apply. Would a reasonable person think they were in harm’s way? Whether the person meant to cause that impression does not matter. Others are intent relevant - this person had to have meant to cause fear of harm. So if a reasonable person would think someone running up and cornering you while screaming would cause fear of harm, if they didn’t mean to, ¯_(ツ)_/¯.
Sometimes I wonder what the point of being one country even is.
I think it’s not that men don’t understand this, I think there is something more fundamental at work that makes them not even seeking to find the resolution. But I do think that the article gets to the issue that there is some fundamental disconnect happening in communications.
Could I retrieve my glass from the dishwasher each time, because I really don’t enjoy paying a crazy electricity bill because I had to run 20 glasses in the dishwasher every day?
I cook, I clean, I leave the seat down on the toilet, and would happily buy tampons without being told (I’m still a bachelor), but some things people find essential seem so nitpicky and wasteful.
I grok, too. However, that’s probably why I’m still single, for not having found the woman yet who really doesn’t sweat the small stuff like these things like a glass by the sink. Not saying they don’t exist, I just haven’t found the one yet.
And no, this is not a play to shirk responsibility. I simply learned from my mom over a generation’s time that there’s a great deal of little stuff she wishes she hadn’t cared so much about back when she was younger. Dad disrespected her in so many other ways, that a glass out of place really didn’t mean squat in the long run.
I just refuse to play those silly games. A glass is a glass is a glass is a glass. It’s not a sign of disrespect or taking someone for granted or whatever.
I’m straightforward like that, but not only does it not make my life easier, it pushes people away.
I understand the glass as a sign of disrespect, but my brain’s not wired to think of it intuitively as such. I miss a lot of social cues.
It’s tiring for me. I’m tired of having to be effusively empathetic, but then not having the empathy reciprocated.
Dude… it’s not a game. In fact, by categorizing it as such and calling it that, you’re trivializing the core problem and demonstrating it at the same time.
And yeah… constantly doing something that you know actively annoys the person you supposedly care about is a passive aggressive form of disrespect and disregard.
No one is asking anyone else to be psychic; the author of that piece made it clear that he and his ex had multiple conversations about that particular issue - he simply didn’t get the deeper meaning until it was already too late.
I’m a woman, and I’m a fan of the “keep your glass in a particular spot all day, keep reusing it, and then put it in the dishwasher before it runs” camp.
But that detail isn’t the point. The point Is: find out what makes your partner happy, sad, frustrated…basically, what makes them tick. Then, do what you can to make them happy and NOT make them sad or frustrated, as much as reasonably possible.
It’s A SHAME there isn’t another version of that article without ALL the random CAPITALISATION, BOLD, and sweeping, borderline-MRA generalisations about men and women.
I mean, I get the point of the article and I agree with most of it. I’d send it to Mrs. Cynical so we could talk about it (there’s some stuff in there that I think most couples would recognise) but Jesus, DOES THE AUTHOR HAVE TO BLOG LIKE AN EIGHT YEAR OLD?
ETA: Mrs. Cynical is also something of a cynic. I genuinely don’t want to share the article with her, even though I think there is some stuff in there that would be good to talk about, because the tone (and the typesetting) of the article is godawful.
Even if we eventually had a good discussion about the things the article is talking about, she’d lose pretty much all respect for me BECAUSE I shared an article with her that completely undermines its own points with stupid formatting that makes it read like the author thinks the reader IS AN IDIOT.
I try, but I can’t get it. I can’t pick up on tone of voice or body language no matter how hard I try. I was in my late 20s before I realized facial expressions were a thing, and someone had to tell me. It blew my mind.
You and I must know completely different people. The people I know give me brainteasers all day long. They shrug and say “I’m fine”, but what they really want me to do is 1) figure out 2) on my own with no prompting 3) what they’re feeling and 4) what made them feel that way, and respond in a way that’s 5) socially acceptable and 6) solves all their problems for them. I can’t do that. To say I struggle with social cues is an understatement. It is literally disabling for me. All I’m asking for is a little help.
But I don’t know… that’s the point.
The article basically reads like: “Step 1: Don’t be autistic.”
I’m sorry to hear that, and I understand what you are saying; many people don’t communicate effectively or honestly, and that’s a shame.
YOU don’t, but the man who wrote the article did. And he wasn’t paying close enough attention to keep his marriage in tact.
As for yourself, being on the spectrum obviously has its own difficult set of challenges on top of the usual obstacles couples face; and hopefully anyone that you try to build a meaningful relationship with will understand that and be willing to work with you.
That said, the man in question isn’t at the same disadvantage as you are, and neither are most men.
Women in general aren’t playing some game in lieu of actual communication; even among the healthiest and most emotionally stable people, there’s still a huge disconnect when it comes to actually understanding, valuing and respecting one another.
And sadly it’s women that often suffer the most because of that disconnect, because society historically isn’t set up to enable and facilitate us.