My wife used to get this during school holidays and the reasons are as stated. The sense in which it comes from within is, I think, simply from the fact that we are social animals and that mothers, in particular, want to do the best for their children. Peer pressure to conform creates stress.
It must be worse now most women have to work. My wife was able to take 20 years out to bring up children, as did some of her friends. None of our children can afford to do that.
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Simply because we internalised it. We watched our grandmothers and our mothers do it and maybe they did have judgy, bitchy peers, because while men could show status with being able to afford stuff, a woman showed her status by organising it all.
Sure, it was originally installed from without, but we’ve taken it onboard as natural.
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This, so much this (and it’s not just in tech). I imagine it goes double for WOCs
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Maybe this is why I’ve never really been able to clean anything.
I’ve always viewed it as something I had to do, whether or not I wanted to. There was never a drive for me to want to clean. If it were a status indicator for me, then maybe that would be a good motivation… within reason.
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As the sixth of seven kids, my mom rarely failed to remind me that she wasn’t my maid. She busted her ass and was already mostly exhausted by the time I came along, so I was expected to do my part, as were my siblings.
Once I moved out I knew that if I wanted clean clothes and dishes, I’d better clean them, because they weren’t going to clean themselves, nor was mom or anyone else going to swoop in and do it for me. My wife struggles with depression, so I do as much of the cleaning as… Well, really almost all of it, because if I don’t do it, it’s not going to get done. Asking or nagging or demanding help isn’t going to make her undepressed enough to pitch in. We’re also trying to get the kids to help out more, but they’re pretty resistant to that. Surprise surprise.
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This was okay for me. I do need clean clothes and dishes, so I’ll do the bare minimum to get these done. I’ll sweep the floors if they get disgusting… as in, if I can’t walk on them barefoot. Same thing with cleaning flat surfaces. I will wipe them down after they get sticky, or if they’re so cluttered I can’t find anything. But I don’t proactively clean anything, and you can forget nice little touches like dusting. I don’t do that. I will do the bare minimum to keep my house from getting (too?) disgusting, but Suzy Homemaker I am not.
This is my problem as well. I have severe depression, as well as executive functioning issues, so it takes me a lot of effort just to get moving, let alone get around to the unpleasant tasks.
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It me. And since I am also not someone who needs people and have little to no ambition, socially, there is no motivator other than fear. And that doesn’t work for long.
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I’ve had this fight! LOL
No, I don’t “want” to clean.
No, I don’t “like” cleaning.
No, I am not “just” better at cleaning.
I like having a clean home and everything in its place and I’m willing to do what it takes to get there, thats it, thats all, its just project management all the way down.
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Seems like a contradiction to me, or a miscommunication.
I would like to live somewhere clean, but for me that’s just a nice to have. I won’t put in the work to clean anything, so I’ll just settle for not disgusting and not dangerous. It’s not that I prefer to live in squalor, it’s just that I don’t really mind it.
There’s no social impetus for me to clean, because I don’t have people over that often and I wouldn’t attach any measure of social status to my ability to clean and organize. I am also inherently disorganized because of executive functioning issues and other issues, so I wouldn’t know how to organize my stuff in a way that made sense to other people, even if I did see value in it.
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Do you like brushing your teeth? Is that why you do it?
Or is the end result of not having cavities why you do it?
There’s no societal pressure to groom yourself or practice good oral hygiene either, but I assume you don’t wallow toothless in your own filth.
I don’t like cleaning.
I am willing to clean so that I have a clean and tidy house.
This is not a contradiction.
I don’t like working, but I do so because I want a paycheque.
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For me cleaning is the constant war between future-me and present-me.
I know, from past experience, that I just feel better when my place is clean. My emotional state improves; I have more energy, more will power, more self esteem. It’s a good feeling.
On the other hand, cleaning is tedious. I never actually want to do it in the moment.
So, what generally happens is that, after I clean, it deteriorates for a while until I’m actually noticing the effects on my mood, and then deteriorates further (and more quickly) as I lose energy and will power. When it finally gets to the point where I just can’t stand it anymore, I set aside a day (or weekend if it’s gotten really bad), and clean the place from top to bottom.
And it stays that way for a few days, before it starts deteriorating again, and the whole cycle starts anew.
If the state of my home wasn’t tied to my self-image, I doubt it would ever get cleaned.
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Entropy gets us all in the end. 
But yes, theres a reason we call it “chores” - I was raised on a steady diet of "chore + reward"
So its wired into me; “I’ll just load the dishwasher and then make a cup of tea & have a biscuit”.
A constant run of “do a thing, get a reward” I’m my own carrot and donkey. 
Whatever works right?
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I like not having cavities, and it’s no great inconvenience for me to brush my teeth, so I brush my teeth. Also there is some societal pressure to be relatively presentable, which includes having better-looking teeth than a meth addict. However, if brushing my teeth hurt or confused me, I would be far less inclined to brush my teeth. That’s what I feel about cleaning. The hurt and confusion that comes from cleaning usually outweighs my desire to live in a clean house.
If it wasn’t a contradiction, then it was a misunderstanding. I was referring to the desire to live in a clean house, rather than the physical acts involved in cleaning a house.
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I’m gonna stick up for those who live in squalor. OK, I’m exaggerating a bit, my apartment isn’t that bad, arguably, but I prefer a bit of mess. I keep food garbage and other such out of the way, but when I tidy up completely, it all looks too sterile and boring. Admittedly, this is just a temporary domicile for me, I would probably feel differently if I added some personal touches to the decor.
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I thought I’d share this in case people wonder what it’s like to be a woman on social media. Here’s a dude who sent me a random friend request. He appeared to be a legit person (not like many friend requests which come from these profiles with two photos added yesterday), but I couldn’t see anything on his profile that would explain why he’d friend me. So I messaged him to ask. Here is his response. As you can see, he is now blocked from communicating with me.
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Just to warn anyone who hasn’t encountered this yet: the Montreal massacre is one of the mass shootings certain people will insist never happened. A friend of mine noted the anniversary on FB a few years ago and got slammed by people (sorry Americans but it was mostly Americans) claiming it wasn’t a real event. Sort of like Sandy Hook that way.
Seems like some people will go right up to the mirror and then run away shrieking when they see their reflection in it.
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Holy shit, really? Truthers for Ecole Polytechnique? Wow, thats a new level of terrible.
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