They’re great to hand to someone when you’re quitting. 
I’ve got two.
Five guys, at Five Guys:
The jokes just write themselves.
The cause of the fight is currently unknown.
Toppings?
Peanuts.
I can definitely picture Speedy doing just that.
Florida
Had someone at work today going on about how their phone might be irradiating their balls, as well as the dangers of 5 g. Also how they protect themselves by keeping their phone in a metal case.
Because microwaves cook stuff so phones are evil.
They’re nuts in their head.
Their nuts in their head?
About 5g, I’m not sure we need to use all our microwave bandwidth to stream bullshit on youtube. That’s similar to my opinion about GMOs; I’m not worried about the garbage GMO food being worse than the garbage food Monsanto sells us normally, but no industry can survive IP consolidation without repeated bubble/waste/massive fuckery. This is our food and communication we’re talking about. So I’m not worried much about not having 5g.
Just today the announcers on the morning radio show I listen to on the way to work were trying (and failing) to discuss a boulder discovered locally which turned out to be 1 billion years old. That’s unusual around here because we have so much sedimentary rock.
Woman on radio: that’s amazing. One billion years old. They say it was left here by an iceberg during the last Ice Age.
Me, yelling at the radio in my car: Glacier. The Ice Age rock deposits here are from GLACIERS.
Woman: Can you imagine being a person on the earth when that rock was formed?
Man on radio: there weren’t any people one billion years ago.
Woman: we don’t know that
Man: Yes we do!
Me: YOU TELL HER
Man: People didn’t come along until, like, 65 million years ago
Me: NOOOOOOOOO
I swear, every time the most basic scientific event happens on this radio station, it’s like all the hosts go out of their way to not find out about it. It’s painful. In the past they’ve also tried to figure out what phase the Moon had to be in for summer solstice to happen.
ETA: I’ve since read a few articles on the event, and the geologist who was called in to study the boulder did say it would have been dropped from an iceberg. Which would have been calved from an inland glacier.
The other day I had to use a plunger to unclog a toilet. It reminded me of something from when I worked at a medical device regulatory agency. One day we got a sample of a device for helping CPR, that looks like this:
It lets you expand the chest as well as compress it. But clinical studies to prove efficacy seemed problematic: how do you get informed consent from someone whose heart had stopped? On the positive side, we found it was good for dragging a file cabinet around.
My wife referred to it as the "Plunger of Life"™, which I think is a much better name.
Oh, that’s easy… you get consent from them, and then you stop their heart.