And I could have sworn I had the full album…
Anyway, great interpretation of great music.
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The vinyl records I have of Wendy Carlos are:
- Switched-On Bach (1968)
- The Well-Tempered Synthesizer (1969)
- Walter Carlos’s Clockwork Orange (1972; reissued in 1998 as A Clockwork Orange: Wendy Carlos’s Complete Original Score)
- Switched-On Bach II (1973)
- By Request (1975)
I think I bought Switched-On Bach back around 1969.
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Just a little trivia:
When I originally went overseas, I had health insurance which theoretically covered me anywhere outside the US. Before traveling I did some research as to where would be the best place to go in SE Asia if I had an important but non-emergency problem and Thailand seemed to be the best option as far as quality of care and ease of access.
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Hi y’all. I’ve been busy with a move the last little bit. We’ve moved from a pretty rough part of town to a newer, quieter subdivision near where I work, which is lovely. My mental health is improving significantly with the new environment, especially since it’s safe to walk around the neighbourhood after dark.
I’ve written a bit of a thing about discovering that trans people exist as a young egg, but I’m not sure what the best way to post it is. It’s currently sitting in a document on my Google drive, though with the way US tech is going, I think I might need a better solution for future writing. I want to publish it somewhere, but I need to figure out what the options are that aren’t supporting bigoted companies. My need to not support organizations that don’t support my existence while still doing or buying what I need to buy is pretty tiring.
Anyway, back to the writing. I hope to have it up somewhere soon and of course I’ll share the link, but it sure would be nice to get to the reason I created this topic in the first place… everything since Nov 5th has kind of derailed me on a fundamental level.
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If I might suggest Archive Of Our Own? While it was intended for fanfiction and other fictional works, it’s a non-profit.
Failing that, you could set up a blog on Dreamwidth.org - It’s queer friendly.
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For some context, I’m 53 now and my parents are 76, and they’re more or less centrist Democrat types. My Dad obviously has some latent racism and sexism by modern standards, though he will insist that he doesn’t; my Mom is very Christian and proud-to-be-an-American type (while hating Trump with a passion), but both are also willing to have their minds opened about things on occasion. My younger brother is trans, came out around 18 years ago and the family has been very supportive.
In 2011, I wrote an email to my parents talking about my gender identity. “Nonbinary” wasn’t in use yet, so I was saying I was genderfluid although that was never quite the right term. My dad laughed it off as no big deal, my mom never acknowledged the email to me at all. Though they’re always happy to see me, that has always felt super awkward and disappointing.
Last week, I sent another email. I told them I was nonbinary and explained that a bit. I asked them to use they/them pronouns, with some examples, and that I realized it would take time to adjust, but as long as they try it’ll make me happy (and Trump sad). And that I’d be happy to answer any questions.
About 23 hours later I got a text from my mom, saying “I just realized I made no answer and didn’t want you take that negatively. I’ll have some questions later.”
Last night we went over for dinner, and she apologized for “failing her first test” (she had called me “him” in a text to my spouse) and I said again, it’s okay, I know it’s going to take time. Then I told them about the passport thing. And that was really it, we went on to bitching about Trump and his cronies from there.
I was still kind of hoping for more of a message of support, but I remind myself that the whole idea is new and strange to them. So I’ll be patient and at least happy that they seem willing-ish to try.
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As the parent of a trans kid, I gotta say that I fuck it up on the regular. It’s been, wow, 5 years now, but still I will occasionally misgender/deadname. Better than I was, but still not perfect. I don’t know your parents, obviously, but that fact that they are trying and are willing to put out the effort is promising. Don’t misunderstand, what the parents go through is not at all on par with what the trans folks themselves do, but it is still hard. My wife still struggles at times mightily with “what did I do wrong” and “why do I have to give up all my memories of what she was before?” As she prepares for surgical transition, this has gotten more “in your face” than before, but we are still trying, still learning and still adjusting. It takes a lot of time and patience. But the alternative was what her bio dad did. “I picked your name, you don’t get to choose a different one, and I am not playing pretend with you. You are and always will be my son.” Yeah, they don’t talk much anymore.
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Yeah, I can appreciate that. I realized this would put some stress on them and that was part of why I held off. But I feel like I needed to get it out there.
We all took quite a while before we got my brother’s pronouns consistently right, especially where it comes to memories of him from before. Since he lives halfway across the US, most of what I had was those memories, rather than his continual presence to remind me. It took a few holiday visits before I was better at it.
In my intrusive thoughts as I contemplated talking to them, I was a little worried about a well-meaning but misguided “you’ll always be my son” thing. I also don’t want to point out to them when they hurt me even accidentally. I guess in some ways, things can’t not be at least a little awkward.
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That’s a fairly heavy thing for your wife to put on herself, are you guys talking to a therapist? I think it would help you process these kinds of thoughts and feelings.
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We’re not, which is especially ironic considering what I do for a living! If this doesn’t pass pretty quickly, I will bring it up. She had a very bad experience in her first marriage with a therapist who basically told her that the fact her husband was cheating on her was because she wasn’t giving him “what a man needs.” She is not terribly open to the idea of going back to one again.
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Totally understand, bad mental health professionals do an immense amount of harm. And beyond that sometimes its just they might not be a good fit for a particular person and their problems, and that can result in the person seeking help to lose some of that momentum of wanting to talk to someone. I myself have struggled with seeking professional help because of bad experiences i’ve heard from friends.
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Not sure if this vid has been shared here yet:
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I understand this. I’m trans myself and still get my non-binary kid’s pronouns wrong occasionally. They came out to me when they were 7 and have just turned 10, and while they accept they/she pronouns, I strongly suspect the latter is mainly because they don’t want to have to deal with people misgendering them, which happens continually at school and in their extra-curriculars. I try to be one of the people in their life who gets it right all the time.
I also experience some of this myself from my dad. He’s supportive but doesn’t really try that hard to get things right, since he doesn’t really pay any attention to anything that’s not his businesses or his girlfriend (who I’ve determined is likely a crypto-TERF - she likes to deadname me, misgender me, and say stuff like ‘lad’ when being condescending to me, which happens a lot).
At one point he said he was going to use my deadname and he/him for stuff from my past and Anna and she/her for now, and was surprised when I had a problem with that. I did explain it and he understood that wasn’t it after some discussion.
I get that it’s hard to refactor your perception of someone like that, though. I mean, I’ve had trouble with it with my kid and I’d known them for 7 years at that point, he knew me as ‘that guy’ for 43. So I have given him a lot of grace. However, since that discussion, I had to stop seeing him when his gf is around, cause she would always do something to refer to me incorrectly and he just follows her lead. Now I only really see him when she’s not around, which is about every 2 months when we go for lunch. My relationship with him has become low-contact, essentially, because every time I see him I leave feeling like shit.
I know a lot of trans people these days, and people who have a good relationship with their parents are very few and far between. Some have horrible stories, but many are like me. Their parents just couldn’t figure it out and so they pull away. That’s why it’s important to really make the effort to get things right.
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I know several nonbinary people now, and I have to admit that getting the pronouns right takes a conscious effort on my part. Most of them present more feminine or masculine, depending on the person, and if I don’t watch myself, my brain wants to use the traditional pronoun that matches their presentation. Also, I’ve mentioned this before, but I know one nonbinary trans-masculine person who, on Zoom, has their pronouns listed as “woman/boy” and I really don’t know what to do with that. They’re older, and I suspect they mean that’s their gender identity, rather than their pronouns, but I don’t know, and it’s one of those “it’s been too long and at this point, I’m afraid to ask” situations.
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This really hurts but i understand. I haven’t even told my parents about my sexual preferences (i could get into it but this thread isn’t about me), i’m not trans but if i was i know it would become a thing because my parents are so set in their old school ways. I wish you and your kid all the love in the world.
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