The Trans Experience

Applause GIFs | Tenor

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 I’m gonna wait until I’m not on a work computer to look that one up. :wink:

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Oh, it’s safe for work, at least as long as your workplace doesn’t object to you playing novelty songs. It is rather silly, though.

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So one of the things I created this topic for was to share writing. I’ve been doing it but I’m like really bad at sharing stuff I make. I have a few things I hope to post over the next little bit, but here’s a list of stuff I’ve noticed in retrospect were signs of being trans over the years.

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Several of those for me, too. Also:

  • I was really fascinated with something my mom told me as a kid about angels not having a gender.
  • I wanted to be a mermaid. I also recall pretending to be Mary in the Christmas tale, and my mom trying to explain why neither of those were on the table.
  • My imaginary friends as a kid were women. Older than me, wise and kind and graceful.
  • My first childhood friend was a girl, but a tomboy
 probably more masculine than I was tbh.
  • Princess Leia was obviously cooler than Luke or Han. (But R2 was the best
)
  • I didn’t like talking tough and playing rough.
  • I have always thought boys were gross and crude and weird. (But then, I thought that girls had a different kind of cruelty and I was nearly as intimidated by them as boys, in general.)
  • I was always shy, emotionally sensitive, prone to crying. As a kid I was especially bad at holding it back.
  • I have always had the “inatttentive” and hyperfocus ADHD traits that used to stereotypically be associated with girls, but not the “hyperactivity” and acting out that was associated with ADHD in boys at the time. So I wasn’t diagnosed. Instead the psychologist said I had poor self-esteem and physical coordination and wanted me to take karate lessons. I didn’t want to take karate lessons.
  • I was (and still am) way more modest about my body than most people. I don’t even like going around without a shirt in my own house.
  • My dad’s creepy ogling of women really bugged me.
  • I had several dreams about having an androgynous body and wearing layers of clothes that Western society would read as vaguely feminine. And one dream about being both of a pair of twins, a boy and a girl, simultaneously (living in the wilderness, hunting monsters, guided by a magical talking longbow
 it was rad).
  • I wrote in a journal as a young teen that I had both male and female aspects in my mind – almost “Two-Spirit” if that weren’t specifically Native American reserved terminology that was coined a few years later. But I had no clue at the time what trans people even were, much less a concept of the gender binary or that androgyny could be something other than a fashionable 80s look that I couldn’t pull off. I had internalized homophobia too, although that was quickly cured when I met some openly queer folks who were awesome.
  • One of my reactions to my younger sibling coming out as lesbian (originally) was mild jealousy. Later when he came out as a trans man it was just “oh, that makes sense” and “if he feels comfortable coming out to my parents maybe I can say something now.” (But I was still figuring out what the “something” was.)
  • When I started getting into paganism I was always more interested in the goddesses and feminine spirits than gods or masculine spirits, and also in tricksters who gender swapped. And I never much liked the Gardnerian, gender essentialist stuff.
  • Later when I became Kemetic Orthodox, the deities that claimed me were all female – and the main one also has both bigender and transfem aspects. My religious practice feels like it affirms my gender identity.
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I would read the hell out of that book!

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It’s interesting for me to read yours and @AnnaPhylaxis thoughts, feelings, and experiences that were signs of your trans-ness. There’s overlap on some of the items, but with caveats. I haven’t experienced gender dysphoria so those aspects aren’t applicable to me. But there’s a much deeper conversation there about neurodivergence, and how that can relate to gender and sexual expressions. My main takeaway is that even I, someone who was born as, and identifies as a man, can still relate to your experiences is something that I think is cool. We might be quite different but we also have a lot more in common than meets the eye.

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I actually haven’t experienced dysphoria either, at least not as it’s usually presented. (If I had the choice, I’d want to have a sort of “neutral” look where merely a change of clothes could make the difference between how people read me.) That contributed to my confusion for quite some time – that my assigned gender at birth wasn’t right but I didn’t feel “trapped in the wrong body” either.

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I didn’t think I was experiencing dysphoria but then I came out and suddenly I realized what that low-grade sense of dissatisfaction with life and the treatment-resistant depression I’d been in for the better part of 30 years was. Dysphoria. :sob:

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:: sends everyone in this thread a giant fluffy hug and a BLÅHAJ emotional support shark ::

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I have no idea what that is, but it sounds cool.

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I am so out of the loop on such things anymore. I’m getting old. I never used to be out of the loop.

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There’s so many niche Internet communities, each with their own in-jokes and memes, I would say it’s expected that some of us are finding out about this shark just now. I think that’s ok :grin: honestly it doesn’t make me feel old or disconnected, I’m always happy to learn about what weird things others are up to (as long as it’s well intentioned).

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Here’s mine. :smiley:

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Helpin’ with the next album?

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That might be one of the most trans coded pictures I’ve ever seen
 :laughing:

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This shark knows frickin laser beams are more efficient when not head-mounted.

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