I proposed a Limerick Thread
They replied “are you out of your head?”
It’s often not funny
Altogether too punny
At least, that’s what everyone said.
My effort pales into comparison with one of my all-time favorite limericks:
There was a young woman named Bright,
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
Okay, here’s one that will fit both in this thread and the mathematical jokes one:
A woman in liquor production
Owns a still of exquisite construction.
The alcohol boils
Through magnetic coils.
She says that it’s “proof by induction.”
Years ago I proposed, in its stead,
an Iambic Pentameter thread!
I found it quite amusing
Till momentum was losing,
And now I do fear it’s quite dead.
Another classic:
From the depths of the crypt at St Giles
came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar “Good Gracious!
has Father Ignatius
forgotten the bishop has piles?”
Clearly they saved the best for last
Colbert last night said “Trump started his last term as a joke and ended a tragedy. Now he’s starting his second term a tragedy. How will he end it ? A limerick?”
“There once was a man who was orange…
Damn it!”
I watched that.
Good stuff.
But I also have always wondered why orange is supposedly an impossible rhyme?
Perhaps it’s the accent.
Here goes:
There once was a menace of orange
Whose every word led him to unhinge
The people have spoken
The country is broken
But nowt we can’t fix with a syringe
They might actually disagree! It’s the last one in the Addenda section, and it’s classified for the “Chamber of Horrors” chapter, which concerns itself with especially tortured rhymes, abused meter, and sheer groanworthiness.
#1,613:
There was a young man in Schenectady,
And he found it quite hard to erect, said he,
Till he took an injection
For deficient erection,
Which in just the desired way effected he!
A mathematician confided
That a Möbius strip is one-sided.
And you’ll get quite a laugh
If you cut it in half
For it stays in one piece when divided.
A mathematician named Klein
Thought the Möbius strip was divine.
And he said if you glue
The edges of two
You’ll get a weird bottle like mine.
There once was a man named Carnot
Whose logic was able to show
That with work source proficient
There’s none so efficient
As an engine that simply won’t go.
There once was a poet named Jenny
Whose limericks weren’t worth a penny.
In technique they were sound
But somehow she found
That whenever she tried to write any
…She always wrote one line too many.
By coincidence, I am working on a project (for work) where I would like to use a funny but work-safe limerick. I was able to find this one, but it’s not fantastic.
Does anyone have a better, funny, work safe, limerick? If it had to do with old people (complimentary) or the medical field, that would be even better.
There was a young lady of Cork
Whose Pa made a fortune in pork
He bought for his daughter
A tutor who taught her
To balance green peas on her fork
Are we talking “old folk’s home”, “medical suppliers”, what else?
Throw some key words our way.
Yeah, old folks home is basically it, but mostly for staff. I’m thinking if it’s funny enough they might be able to tell the residents for a giggle. Sorry, I’m used to be extremely vague online, but I doubt that’ll doxx me. LOL
Bear in mind, it’s ten pm over here, and I am outside of a beer or two, so please bear that in mind when you read the following effort:
In the home there’s a young nurse called Amy
Her skills would put one to shamy
The ol’ folk have found
That having her around
Has increased their level of in-famy
Hope you like it.
eta: added a hyphen
This is possibly the most amazing limerick I have ever encountered.
This is read as follows:
In the retirement home it is said
That some folks are loathe to leave bed
The staff grouse and complain
But the residents’ refrain
Is “I’m sorry have you seen what we’re fed?!”
Sally Smith she remains quite spry
She gets about in the blink of an eye
The staff tries to corral her
But she laughs at their failure
Wishing them better luck on the next try
The bingo hall had grown quite boring
The participants they all wound up snoring
Until the day when
The drag queens all stopped in
And now bingo is once again roaring
I really should stop with this mess
But my work now causes me distress
This thread has distracted
And adversely impacted
My completion of professional process
And that, fellow gentle creatures, is what we in the know call “fucking poetry”.
Seriously, nicely done.
Thank you, thank you…I credit Bill Kurtis and Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me for my skills, including both the debatable rhymes and inconsistencies in the meter! And I credit the fact that I really don’t want to finish these reports for everything else about the post.
My grandson’s not known for his purity,
And he lounges in total obscurity.
He needs a new job,
That lazy young slob,
For he’s spent all my social security.
