I’ll admit that, if people like my work, it’s nice, but what matters is that I like my work (or at least think that I can make something of it). If others don’t care for it, and I know that I’ve accomplished most of what I’ve set out to do, then “Wir können warten” (as Liszt said about his late works). If I haven’t accomplished most of what I set out to do, then my audience can’t tell me something I don’t know.
That’s not to say that I am content with any of my work. I’m a perfectionist, but I’m never going to achieve perfection - no one does, not even Bach or Mozart. That is what makes this calling interesting.
By the way, after a certain age, say 30, starting a piece is always messy, even for experienced composers - this is patience work, and it doesn’t happen overnight. (Older composers, even beginning ones, usually have fairly subtle tastes that they try to exercise - “inspiration” isn’t quite as straightforward as in their youth.)
If you want, PM me your sketch, and we’ll see what you can do to start moulding it into a workable piece (although I won’t be able to get to it for a couple of days - need to help my translation partner with her thesis proposal).
Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you at least had the chance to let us know and hang out with us a bit before hanging up the meat suit more permanently. I’ve never had much fear of what might happen, eventually, but maybe a few more lottery tickets in the meantime.
I have used five of nine already. Two in one year. That isn’t great. So, I have voluntarily crossed going to the soil off the list; being a useless drone off the list; and being devoid of a purpose off the list.
