Badass Dragoons of the Highlands - Turn 1 results

As the year passes, the Immortals depart from Avignon to continue their wanderings. Some depart almost immediately, others remain for nearly the entire year before moving on. Pope Clement V shuffles off this mortal coil in 1314, and another five popes come and go before Urban VI finally moves the Curia back to Rome and ends the Avignon Papacy.

Meanwhile, the Immortals continue their immortal business.

Through the long years, all of you have learned to listen for the exploits of another Immortal. Rumors of “He was gravely wounded, yet he fought on and somehow recovered,” or tavern tales that mention “Gave as good as she got and went back for more - sturdy as two oxen, she was”. You learned to hear the echoes of the all others walking through time. In any given century, things are all a-muddle, but each of you pursue the faintest of rumors: “How did she hold herself in the fight?” and “Do you know anyone that witnessed the battle?” and “Tell me more of what you saw.”

Travels of the Immortals - 14th Century (click the triangle to expand)


Rachel McGinty traveled to Bannockburn and fought for Scotland
“Bon” McEvoy traveled to Bannockburn and fought for Scotland
T.D. Himself traveled to Bannockburn and fought for England
NESSIE traveled to Bannockburn and fought for Scotland
The Ratchet traveled to Bannockburn and fought for Scotland

Groß Wilhelm traveled to Crimea
Shemp traveled to Crimea
Jane traveled to Crimea
“Hep” Burn traveled to Crimea
Red Dog traveled to Crimea
Juan traveled to Crimea
Other Pendragon traveled to Crimea
Halmar travled to Crimea

Maud d’Oilly traveled to Crécy and fought for France
Harry Farnsworth traveled to Crécy and fought for Genoa
The Three Sisters traveled to Crécy and fought for England

YOwOl traveled to Lübeck
Evelyn Wolff traveled to Lübeck

Mr. Collins traveled to Lake Poyang and fought for the Han
Bark McBarkruff traveled to Lake Poyang and fought for the Ming
Ennis traveled to Lake Poyang and fought for the Han
Mom traveled to Lake Poyang and fought for the Han

Zero Demos traveled to Kosovo and fought for Bosnia
Bag of Hammers traveled to Kosovo and fought for Bosnia
The Worker traveled to Kosovo and fought for the Ottoman Empire

Aeaba Taylor served in the court of Louis the Great
Maple Clamphoof served in the court of Louis the Great

Quick Links: Table of Contents


The Battle of Bannockburn

Rachel McGinty sizes up both T.D. Himself and The Ratchet and after a moment’s hesitation turns her attention to the enemy lines.
@CleverEmi v. @guest_account_7

Rachel McGinty (3/5) v. (3/5) T.D. Himself
      rolls tgt          tgt rolls
 miss ( 33) 40 Cau v. Nor 60 ( 61) Hit!
 Hit! ( 92) 70 Rck v. Agg 30 ( 48) Hit!
 miss ( 42) 60 Def v. Rck 40 ( 25) miss
 miss ( 27) 60 Cau v. Agg 40 (  8) miss
 Hit! ( 32) 30 Nor v. Agg 70 ( 23) miss

When the battle is over, The Ratchet and NESSIE engage in some spirited sparring.
@pogo v. @penguinchris

 The Ratchet (3/5) v. (1/5) NESSIE
      rolls tgt          tgt rolls
 Hit! ( 83) 70 Agg v. Nor 30 ( 79) Hit!
 Hit! ( 50) 40 Agg v. Cau 60 ( 14) miss
 miss ( 12) 60 Agg v. Def 40 (  4) miss
 Hit! ( 43) 40 Def v. Agg 60 ( 72) Hit!
 Hit! ( 83) 40 Nor v. Rck 60 ( 29) miss


Participates in the mortal battle, but does not find a worthy Immortal opponent in the fracas.


Crimea at the arrival of the Black Death
Events in Crimea slowly become more and more dire as the years wear on. Townspeople eye strangers with suspicion, which leads to some conflicts between travelers on the open road.

@strokeybeard v. @malevolentpixy

        Juan (2/5) v. (2/5) Jane
 miss (  9) 60 Def v. Rck 40 ( 43) Hit!
 miss ( 21) 40 Nor v. Rck 60 ( 62) Hit!
 CRIT ( 99) 30 Nor v. Agg 70 ( 94) Hit!
 miss ( 19) 40 Nor v. Rck 60 ( 28) miss
 Hit! ( 71) 40 Nor v. Rck 60 ( 10) miss

@miasm v. @durhamindurham

"Hep" Burn (2/5) v. (1/5) Groß Wilhelm
 Hit! ( 68) 50 Rck v. Rck 50 ( 14) miss
 Hit! ( 45) 30 Nor v. Agg 70 ( 74) Hit!
 miss ( 39) 50 Rck v. Rck 50 ( 27) miss
 Hit! ( 94) 70 Agg v. Nor 30 ( 86) Hit!
 Hit! ( 63) 50 Rck v. Rck 50 ( 51) Hit!

@hadley v. @tobinl

Shemp (2/5) v. (1/5) Halmar
 Hit! ( 76) 30 Agg v. Rck 70 ( 44) miss
 Hit! ( 97) 40 Nor v. Rck 60 ( 87) Hit!
 Hit! ( 90) 60 Agg v. Def 40 ( 42) Hit!
 miss (  6) 30 Cau v. Def 70 ( 96) Hit!
 Hit! ( 68) 30 Agg v. Rck 70 ( 14) miss

@steampunkbanana v. @teknocholer

Red Dog (2/5) v. (3/5) Other Pendragon
 Hit! ( 31) 30 Rck v. Cau 70 ( 99) CRIT
 Hit! ( 65) 30 Rck v. Cau 70 ( 47) miss
 miss ( 18) 70 Rck v. Agg 30 ( 67) Hit!
 miss ( 22) 70 Rck v. Agg 30 ( 19) miss
 miss ( 25) 40 Agg v. Cau 60 ( 42) miss

(ETA: sloppy transcription error on my part in the last battle that was caught by an sharp-eyed and honest player. No change to the ultimate outcome, however)


The Battle of Crécy
As if things didn’t go poorly enough for the French at Crécy, it certainly didn’t help when a duel broke out when one of their infantry insulted a Genoese mercenary.

@keisterbutton v. @wisconsin_platt

Maud d'Oilly (3/5) v. (1/5) Harry Farnsworth
 Hit! ( 82) 30 Rck v. Cau 70 ( 34) miss
 Hit! ( 80) 30 Rck v. Cau 70 ( 35) miss
 CRIT (101) 30 Agg v. Rck 70 ( 81) Hit!
 miss ( 55) 70 Nor v. Def 30 ( 98) Hit!
 miss ( 26) 30 Cau v. Def 70 ( 60) miss


The Three Sisters observe the mortal battle, but fail to find a suitable Immortal opponent in the aftermath.

Lübeck at the Formation of the Hanseatic League

Drawn by the ships of the North and Baltic seas, Evelyn Wolff and YOwOl discover each other in Lübeck.

@justa_little_whinger v. @nightflyer

YOwOl (1/5) v. (3/5) Evelyn Wolff
 Hit! ( 87) 50 Cau v. Cau 50 ( 85) Hit!
 Hit! ( 79) 50 Cau v. Cau 50 ( 75) Hit!
 miss ( 11) 40 Cau v. Nor 60 ( 68) Hit!
 miss ( 15) 40 Rck v. Def 60 (  9) miss
 miss ( 52) 70 Rck v. Agg 30 ( 33) Hit!

The Battle of Lake Poyang

Rumors from the battle describe a mysterious man leaping from a Han ship to attack a stray dog. Stranger still was when the dog produced a sword with which to defend itself. Most historians discard this account as entirely unbelievable.

@david_falkayn v. @ghoti

Mr. Collins (3/5) v. (1/5) Bark McBarkruff
 Hit! ( 37) 30 Def v. Nor 70 ( 21) miss
 miss ( 57) 70 Def v. Cau 30 ( 64) Hit!
 CRIT ( 99) 40 Rck v. Def 60 ( 44) miss
 miss ( 22) 30 Nor v. Agg 70 ( 95) Hit!
 Hit! ( 87) 40 Agg v. Cau 60 ( 57) miss

A stray word leads to a difficult conflict on one of the Ming vessels, yet the two combatants somehow part on good terms.
@old v. @gwwar

Mom (2/5) v. (1/5) Ennis
 miss ( 39) 40 Rck v. Def 60 ( 71) Hit!
 Hit! ( 78) 40 Agg v. Cau 60 ( 51) miss
 miss (  4) 40 Nor v. Rck 60 ( 40) miss
 Hit! ( 74) 50 Cau v. Cau 50 ( 93) Hit!
 CRIT (102) 50 Def v. Def 50 ( 85) Hit!

The Battle of Kosovo

Survivors of the slaughter tell of a pitched battle between a Bosnian mercenary and a footman fighting on the side of the Ottomans. Like the larger battle, the smaller conflict is inconclusive.
@daneel v. @manwich

Zero Demos (2/5) v. (2/5) The Worker
 Hit! ( 80) 40 Rck v. Def 60 ( 77) Hit!
 Hit! ( 73) 40 Rck v. Def 60 ( 67) Hit!
 miss ( 39) 40 Rck v. Def 60 (  6) miss
 Hit! ( 54) 40 Rck v. Def 60 ( 90) Hit!
 miss ( 38) 40 Rck v. Def 60 ( 39) miss

@dreamboatskanky Participates in the mortal battle, but does not find a worthy Immortal opponent in the fracas.

The Court of Louis the Great
Meanwhile, in the courtyard of the Castle of Diósgyőr, a score is very nearly settled between two mysterious personages on a dark and moonless night.

@eve v. @glutnix

eve (1/5) v. (1/5) Glutnix
      rolls tgt          tgt rolls
 Hit! ( 54) 40 Agg v. Cau 60 ( 23) miss
 Hit! ( 93) 70 Nor v. Def 30 ( 24) miss
 Hit! ( 46) 40 Cau v. Nor 60 ( 77) Hit!
 Hit! ( 45) 40 Agg v. Cau 60 (103) CRIT
 miss ( 62) 70 Nor v. Def 30 ( 62) Hit!

Tomorrow will bring additional narrative, private updates, and another round of travel options. In the meantime, those that battled may wish to recount what happened from their point of view. Where was the battle joined? Given that they were non-fatal, what caused the contest to be interrupted?

Tell us more about what you recall from that span of years.

(ETA: Combat reports are generated manually so reporting errors are possible. All die rolls are preserved in the calculation mechanism, so errors in stance transcription can be corrected - much to my potential chagrin, this may potentially change the outcome of a posted battle. If you have questions about a specific battle, please PM me directly and I’ll address it ASAP.)


I didn’t learn much in my first 46 years on the skin of this world, but I know this much:

Only fools bet against the sapient ungulates.


Well, Other Pendragon, you certainly can claim pride of place in this round: you were the only Immortal to suffer only one hit!

Does anyone else find it odd that the only two immortals that used the same stance for all five rounds (Zero Demos did 5 ReCKless, The Worker did 5 DEFensive) just happened to face off against one another?

Madame d’Oily appears to have stood proudly with the French. Interesting, because as a Norman, she has legitimate claim to both sides.

As for my actions against Bark McBarkruff? Purely a literary dispute. His calligraphy is terrible.

-Mr. Collins


Demos fills his glass again.

Ah, damn me. Yes, Kosovo. That takes me back.

Obviously, I was fighting against the Ottomans. Never could turn that down. Of course it was futile, eventually, but what isn’t?

I had a thought that Vuković might prove the more capable soldier out there, so I aligned myself with him rather than Prince Lazar. I though it was all going rather well, to be honest. We easily had the better of Bayezid.

Then in the midst of it, another damned immortal showed up. No idea who he was. Wouldn’t tell me his name. Didn’t even have a proper sword, just a big bit of wood. I let my Mediterranean temperament get to me a bit, perhaps fought a bit aggressively. Still, he was rather callow, and I managed to give as good as I got, and I was gaining the upper hand, when Branković abandoned the field, and Vuković didn’t have much choice but to follow him.

Ah well. One more story. I’ll tell you later what happened next time I crossed, well, whatever with, well, whoever.


The Story of Maple
Vol 28. Chapter 17 “Hungary for Battle”

I awoke at the change of the second night watch, Just formalities for this glorified holiday home they call a castle. Being a guest here is not something I enjoy. But within minutes I sensed another of my kind. Not a moose-kin like my friendly host (a secret druid for the province, appointed by the Governor by letter), but another yet long without death.

I got dressed, grabbed Mooseblade and stalked the halls quietly without candlelight. They were on the other side of the castle, circling counterclockwise like I was. I converged on the courtyard, but kept myself to the shadows

“What quarrel do you have with me? Or perhaps is it my head you seek?” A reply was given in words, of more than one sort.

The battle was quiet, and yet fierce and vocabulous. I failed to land my first two volleys while taking many hits. I landed a hit, and then a mighty blow! A wealth of whispered wordplay wizardry whipped between us while we wielded our weapons wickedly.

One more hit on me and I my head would be on a golden platter. So close to the end, and like so many attempts on my life, an alarm was raised and we were forced to flee. I returned to the guest quarters before the servants were sent to check on me. My opponent retreated out beyond the castle grounds.

I saw her weapon – a… writing stylus? “Mightier than the sword”? I’m not so certain this was the case… but the swordplay was on par with the wordplay… I look forward to a future skirmish with her again…



The ghost people are not good with death. As they fall to this sickness, they fight amongst themselves as though that will make it stop. They pile their dead in the streets instead of keeping them well away from those who still live. They cry to their god who still seems too overwhelmed to do anything about it.

Then he appears. I sense his presence as a feeling in my spine that twins the constant sound in my ears, as the god of escape and early warnings comes to my aid, despite the fact I can no longer remember their names.

The blade he holds seems barely worthy of the name: too flimsy to properly cut through anything other than the thinnest of vines. But it’s fast and stings when he gets in a couple of lucky strikes. But mine cuts deep as well, letting him know I am no easy prey.

Some god intervenes before we can decide a victor, however, though I am not yet sure which. Perhaps we are meant to meet again, or perhaps our gods have other ideas. Mine do not say.


Zvadravo, Nessie, ‘well met’ as I think you say. You surprised me at Bannockburn, it’s been long since anyone walked away from a fight with me. Good fun smashing heads that was! Maybe we meet again, and I bring something more than my pipe. Squashing English roaches. Probably a Scot or two to! Ha!

A drink to you, Živjeli!





Maud’s Recollection of Battle of Crécy

Les Français ont perdu la bataille, mais la confusion régnait.

La pluie est tombée comme le vin d’un tonnelet split. The bruit rolled in across the fog, the cruel, crawling fog. My ears, I could not bear it! The shouts, cries, a cacophony of languages. An infernal boom to tear the skies!

“Madame, the battle has come to us,” my host cried. “No time for even a hasty fortification. You must hide before the belligerents find you.” He took my hand and together we made egress through the rear. When we reached the gate, which was slow to open, every time I wiped water from my veil the onslaught grew larger and louder.

“Mon Dieu! The churlish maggot-pies have surprised us! Bonne madame, I must fetch my crossbow. I fear I imperiled you. Yet I cannot leave you.”

“I see our predicament. Mayhap the Rosbifs have evolved since the last time I saw them and know better than to hit a lady. Let us leave it to God. I have made my peace. Go then, and thank you.” I ducked, my hat and its scarves damnably caught in the portcullis. Blinded, I was wrenched away by a mailed hand.

“Have mercy on a poor lady!” I cried. My hat fell away into the mud, I unsheathed my Dandy Burdock to pick it up and accidentally hit someone, judging from the yell. Someone tried to grab my sword from my hands, I would not have it. The blade sliced. People kept getting in the way of my fetching my hat! I was pressed against the stone wall. I screamed.

“Lady, if you stop screaming, I will get your hat for you!” a man cried. “That is if I have any limbs left. STOP BATTLING ME!” I could not see, could barely breathe with metal upon metal pressing me in. I felt something warm and sticky pour from my arm, then I grew weak, faint and cold. A body fell on me. I last heard a gurgle, “Mother of Mercy, is this the end of Harry?” before the darkness took me in like a mother’s love.


My arrival at the Imperio Orientalis was initially unappreciated, but the profundity of my erudition made a suitable impression on the right kind of people. As the 200,000 Ming sailors set sail, my command of the Analects got me command of a Ming ship.

From my ship I proudly displayed

As the navies closed, the more numerous and nimble Ming vessels easily out-maneuvered the Han tower ships. I held my ship back, hoping to chronicle the great event. The Han tower ships, chained together together in a ragged line, made an impressive yet disorderly sight. One Han tower ship in particuar was a disgrace, displaying the banner :


The worst, sloppiest calligraphy I had ever seen displayed! This dreck was a revival of Confucius? My DOG could make better brush strokes! I ordered my ship to close, so I could tutor this errant scholar and improve his ways.

I could not get close enough for the misguided scholar to hear my emendations, so I jumped on board with my largest calligraphy brush. As I tried to make the required corrections, a dog with a Gaelic accent appeared and tried to correct my corrections – with a sword!!!

We went back and forth – me with my calligraphy brush, he “editing” with his sword, until that poor silk banner was nearly destroyed.

The Han sailors, entranced by our scholarly exchange, missed the Ming fireship closing on their tower ship and abandoned their vessel in a panic as their ship ignited.

Bark McBarkruff @ghoti fled his burning ship. Watching that execrable penmanship go up in flames, I finally discerned the character that miserable scholar was trying to make:


— Mr Collins
Mr Collins FULL


I was quietly going about my business leaving the house of my latest conquest by the window when a sharp metal disc thudded into the window frame next to my head, taking some hair and a small chunk of ear with it. It couldn’t have been the husband as he had just come in through the front door, hence the need to defenestrate myself.

I scrambled to my feet to find a handsome woman standing in the alley with a number of farmyard tools at her disposal, looking angry. I was sure I hadn’t bedded her, so it must be retribution for someone else’s good time she was seeking. Daughter? Sister? Mother? An academic appraisal of the statistical likelihood of any particular incident being the cause of this jealousy and/or revenge would have to wait as she screamed , and attacked me with a machete.

Having made a rather hurried exit she had caught me with my trousers down, quite literally, and I took several blows from her blade before I was able to pull them up and free my sword, severing the tendons in her wrist as I did so. Rather than retreating she picked up the machete in her other hand and continued her reckless attack. The combination of her off hand and my skilful bladework allowed me to disengage gracefully without further damage (to me, at any rate) and leave the scene, as the husband and his guards came running out.

I led them a merry chase through Sevastopol that night, only having to kill one or two of them, and ended the evening with a pretty little nurse and a surprisingly good bottle of wine to tend to my wounds.

I still haven’t worked out who that other woman was or why she attacked me, though.


Well, you wouldn’t believe what happened at Woolworth’s today… Harold, are you listening? Good! I went there to pick up some knitting needles that they had on sale. Donna’s baby shower is next month and I want to knit her a little blanket for the baby. I’m thinking of something with a cherry blossom theme. Won’t that be cute? As I went back to the notions section, I saw Mr. Han and Mr. Ming arguing over who got to use the men’s room. A dreadful display, really. Anyhow, that’s how I thought of the idea for the cherry blossoms on the blanket, but that’s not what was so outlandish.

I found the knitting needles, but there were only two of the “on sale” ones left. And just as I was about to pick them up, Mrs. Ennis bumped into me and tried to grab them. Can you imagine? Harold, are you still listening? Yes, well, she got one and I got the other and do you know, she tried to poke me with hers? Well, I have never been so outraged in my life, so I pretended to reach for a pincushion, and I poked her right in her fat arm. Do you know that woman used to be so pretty, a very, very, very long time ago. She likes Bundt cake an awful lot though. Well, she poked me right back if you can imagine that. A few more back-and-forths and I lost my grip and my needle dropped and rolled under the shelf. Well, we both acted like nothing happened, and I told her you were looking forward to seeing Mr. Ennis at your regular Wednesday poker game, and she said today was enough poking for one week. I don’t know what that was supposed to mean. Can you imagine all that? Well, if Mr. Ennis is at poker, you need to win at least 2 dollars off of him, which is what I would have saved on those knitting needles.

Mr. Ming and Mr. Han? Oh yes, they solved their little quarrel. Who got to use the bathroom? Oh, well dear, Han shat first.


Of course he did. Mr Ming is Greed-y.


You’re a tricky devil.