Domination of time and space: Controls household space (e.g., monopolizes TV or seating), prioritizes own time over others’.
Overwhelming repetition: Repeats arguments or demands until the partner gives in.
Forced intimacy: Pushes for affection or sex without consent or mutual desire.
Male logic supremacy: Dismisses emotions; insists only “logical” arguments are valid.
Seizing/releasing control: Makes unilateral decisions or withdraws responsibility at will.
Forced pardoning: Demands forgiveness or uses apologies to reset conflict without resolution.
2. Chauvinism in Crisis Situations
Hypercontrol/criticism: Increases scrutiny when the partner becomes more independent.
Fake help: Offers support in words, but not in actions.
Passive resistance/distance: Withdraws emotionally or physically to discourage partner’s empowerment.
“Come what may”: Withholds effort to change or engage, hoping the partner will give up.
Criticism of communication: Invalidates partner’s requests by focusing on how they were expressed.
Avoiding discussion: Refuses to acknowledge or discuss concerns.
Promise-keeping for gain: Makes superficial changes or empty promises to end complaints.
Martyrdom: Plays the victim to avoid accountability.
Time-wasting: Stalls change or discussions (“I need time,” “Let’s see.”)
Inducing pity: Uses self-neglect, illness, or threats of self-harm to elicit sympathy and retain power.
3. Covert Everyday Male Chauvinism
Silence: Uses lack of communication as control (ignores, refuses to explain).
Manipulative moods: Gets angry or moody to avoid closeness or responsibility.
Rationed availability: Withholds appreciation, affection, or help.
Invading intimacy with outsiders: Fills private time with guests, hobbies, or distractions.
Defensive-attacking communication: Uses blame to shut down discussions.
Lying/misleading: Omits or distorts facts to avoid accountability.
Fake negotiation: Pretends to compromise but keeps control.
Ceremonial presence: Appears involved (e.g., at events) but disengaged in practice.
Undermining authority: Belittles partner’s opinions or intelligence.
Not acknowledging contributions: Ignores or downplays partner’s efforts.
Outsider collusion: Turns family/friends against the partner.
Micro-terrorism: Publicly shames or mocks the partner.
4. Utilitarian Everyday Male Chauvinism
Avoidance of housework: Contributes nothing, little, or only when it benefits him.
Includes: fake or strategic cooperation, disappearing during shared tasks.
Exploitation of care roles:
Takes emotional/physical care as a given.
Expects help with “men’s work” without reciprocation.
Claims sole rights to major decisions (e.g., signing authority).
These behaviors are usually systematic, subtle, and normalized, making them difficult to recognize individually but powerful when viewed as patterns of control and dominance.
let me throw some fuel on the fire that is the discourse about boys getting laid!!! current-day manopshere content is not good at getting boys laid and that’s an effect of the incentives at play. you cannot build an audience of resentful little virgins if you succeed at helping them to have sex
They are right. At the same time, I feel like maybe we do need to care about the poor little white men being lonely. Because white cis straight men are the ones who are so likely to take their anger out on others. The mass shooters. The acid attackers and stabbers. The motorists ramming into crowds. The men randomly attacking women in the streets.
I feel like we have to try to fix this because the safety of everyone else is at stake if we don’t.
It does. And I’m not sure there is any fixing the adults anyway. Can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
Any efforts in this direction should probably focus on boys and, for good measure, everyone else. Social emotional education in all schools and no barriers to therapy. We would all be better off if all children received that kind of education and support.
Yeah, appeasing the terrorists is a waste of time. Rather we should be trying to cut off the lonely straight white kid to Nazi pipeline. And as it happens I think the key lessons there are also the exact same ones that need to be taught for the benefit of gay kids, girls, and black kids…the problem is they were never really addressed in a meaningful way for anyone. In a society that actually values kindness everyone benefits. So much of ours is built around dominance and conformity instead, and it doesn’t actually leave anyone happy.
I am not interested in appeasing the terrorists, I am interested in removing the supply of new terrorists. You do not do that by assuming that all potential members may as well already be members, and should be treated as if they are already members, and the precautionary principle demands that you treat them as if they were all the worst members just in case they are, because that excluded middle slippery slope bullshit is what leads to hospitals being bombed with no civilian casualties because those infants were Hamas members.
Incels can fuck off into the sun and die. If we treat all tween and teenage boys as presumptive incels in training, then we’ll basically push them towards being so. (Some will probably drift that way anyway, and if they do, then that’s a choice.) If, however, we support those boys and teach them instead to be functional human beings with dignity and agency, then we stop them from being incels.
I agree, the youth should be given all of the resources and aid they need to navigate life and society and become good, well-rounded human beings.
was more the focus of my post. These guys tend to be lonely because they’re assholes. It would be nice if we could prevent them from getting that way because it’s doubly hard to reach them once they are.
Absolutely. Maybe “fix” isn’t the right word. We need to care and pay attention to this issue because of the danger these men pose. The adults peddling this shit, and the Nazi shit that comes along with it, should be treated with suspicion. Their websites and chat rooms should be shut down the same way governments go after websites and chat rooms for ISIS.
Absolutely true. But they are the ones who need to fix themselves, I’d say. This whole ass society was built to cater and support them, and far too many of them have a fucking meltdown (along the lines of what you’re talking about) when asked to give the tiniest shit about the rest of us… How we can change that for them? I don’t know that we can, other than keep pointing it out to them and talking about that.
I don’t know that’s what @kii meant, though… I can see how it could be read that way.
Indeed!
exactly… sadly, the nazis are in power now and are working to shut down any efforts along those lines (ie, taking over education).
That makes sense to me. Intervene when and where we can, too, but at the end of the day, adult men have to be the ones who make the change. It’s one thing I appreciate FD Signifier, as he’s made that a core aspect of his content, that he’s seeking to talk about toxic masculinity as it intersects with being a Black man in a racist society.
Yeah the way I see it is more like maybe if we hold them reasonably and appropriately accountable in the first place they’ll have to stop and some of them might even learn to understand why.
