My god, I am a terrible human being.
The next time I met someone we both started talking to each other as we looted the same building and could hear each other rustling around.
“Can you hear me?”
“Yeh.”
“No one has to die here. We can both be on our way and everything will be cool…”
“Okay, let’s go outside and put our guns away.”
“Deal.”
We met outside and we both had guns (mine still wasn’t loaded). We laughed about the stalemate and he said he knew a base we could raid which would be easier with two people, so we teamed up.
We raided the base and ran away on foot, laughing. Both of us got a shit ton of gear out of it and it was a job well done. I said I was going to log off and suggested a barbecue. He said “yeh, just come up over this hill and we will cook some meat…”
I followed him, not realising that he was heading straight into a new raid. We both died almost immediately and it took us both 45 minutes to get back to our corpses to reclaim our gear.
His gear was there, mine was not (early access). We fought our way out and while he had all of his shit, I had a wooden spear and a half loaded AK74 to show for my four hours of gameplay.
We ran up a nearby hill and finally started cooking some food. I apologised for being about to murder him, while aiming down my gunsights at his face.
“Why are you sorry?”
“[Chickening out]…ah, I just mean that I’m sorry we ended up camped out on a hillside, eating human flesh instead of doing a proper raid.”
“Ah, no worries. I think I might go to sleep now.”
At that point, I saw red and shot him twice in the chin.
He laughed as he died and said that he fully understood. We are now locked into the same server and he will be coming for me as soon as we are both logged on again. It’s on, but now I have all of the tactical gear, a shit ton of guns and more ammunition than I know what to do with.
I spent the next 20 seconds looting everything that he had and then I spent another 20 seconds pooing on his corpse. No one else could see me shitting on him but when he inevitably shoots me in the head from half a mile away as I try to run, that will be the thing that keeps me from getting dispirited.
What is wrong with me? 
