Slow down a little, genius - I’m merely gifted
A Grumpy xmas
Christmas clothes make you look frumpy
Fa la la la la la la la No.
‘Tis the season to be grumpy
Fa la la la la la la la No.
Don me now with gay apparel
Fa la la la la la la la No.
and I’ll drown you in a barrel
Fa la la la la la la la No.
I’m ignoring all before us
Fa la la la la la la la No.
Strike the mouse and join the chaos
Fa la la la la la la la No.
Don’t follow me 'cause it’s stalking
Fa la la la la la la la No.
Shut up, jerk, and no more talking
Fa la la la la la la la No.
Fast away this old year passes
Fa la la la la la la la No.
Shame it won’t take all the asses
Fa la la la la la la la No.
Bitterly we drink together
Fa la la la la la la la No.
B***h about the wind and weather
Fa la la la la la la la No.
Fa la la la la la la la NO.
-MerelyGifted
I have to go with Walt Kelly’s version, “Deck Us All With Boston Charlie”:
Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an’ Kalamazoo!
Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!
Don’t we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don’t love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly wolly cracker ‘n’ too-da-loo!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope Cantaloupe, ‘lope with you!
Hunky Dory’s pop is lolly,
Gaggin’ on the wagon, Willy, folly go through!
Chollie’s collie barks at Barrow,
Harum scarum five alarm bung-a-loo!
Dunk us all in bowls of barley,
Hinky dinky dink an’ polly voo!
Chilly Filly’s name is Chollie,
Chollie Filly’s jolly chilly view halloo!
Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Double-bubble, toyland trouble! Woof, woof, woof!
Tizzy seas on melon collie!
Dibble-dabble, scribble-scrabble! Goof, goof, goof!
I may or may not have posted an earlier version of this last year. I only work on it around this time of year, but I have yet to finish it. If anyone has any suggestions . . .
A Visit From Late Edmund
With apologies from Clement Clarke Moore since it’s such a hackneyed poem
'Twas the morning of Christmas, when all through the flat
Not a creature was stirring, not even a rat.
The contract was taped to the furnace with care,
In hopes the repairman soon would be there.
The furnace was out; it had been seven days.
I was freezing, hungover, and in a malaise.
I’d had lots of beer, in fact quite a packet
My head throbbing in pain when there arose such a racket.
I looked at the clock, it said only three.
I thought to myself who on earth could it be?
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters, threw up with a splash.
Out in the driveway, a thunderous truck,
With a muffler broken. I said “What the fuck?”
My watering eyes observed a foul treat,
The truck was emblazoned “Ned’s Plumbing and Heat”
With a grimy old driver, his face wrinkled and red
I yelled with a grimace, “You’re stinking late, Ned!”
He shrugged at the furnace, his curses they came,
Then he farted and shouted, called tools out by name:
"Now, pipe wrench! now, pliers! now spanner and auger!
On, hacksaw! on, holesaw! on, thread tape and grinder!
•
•
With a rub of my gold card and smirk on his face
Of the funds in my bank he left not a trace.
to be continued or finished or something
Our serial hider (daughter) came over to decorate cookies. She was busy when we weren’t looking.
This started last year with ducks and bunnies, when she left and we were sanitizing stuff we started finding tiny Jesus’s everywhere.
We found 5 but she says there are 25 to go. Jesus under glass was our favorite so far.
Reason 786 why we love her.
And normally she steals Jesus if we put him in the manger before Christmas but this time she just turned him around to let us know.
Tracking down “Year without a Santa Claus” to the exact year of the events
Now this oldie from Sing Along with MAD keeps coming to mind, along with “Christmas Bills” 
:
Went to the Christkindl market in Aurora IL today. It was crowded but not nearly as crammed as the Chicago market. We went to dinner afterwards at the Aurora Roundhouse which is a restaurant and brewery built into the old rail roundhouse at the Aurora train station.
Anyway to make a short story long the Metra Christmas train pulled into the station right as we were leaving. Here’s the fam.
Pro tip: go when it’s particularly cold or rainy. Also, weekday daytime closer to Christmas, when many workers are already out of the Loop for the holidays.
Fun fact, my children used to sing German Christmas carols there every year when they were in school!
I hope they were also gifted eye and ear protection 
Hey, I’m no Walt Kelly!
It’s fabulous, dawling! Bravo!
This years Christmas message from the Uachtaran na hEireann:
Seems like he’s been a nice president for Ireland these past… 14 years? Seems to make sense to have a poet leading the Irish Defense forces!
