I ate my son’s chocolate Easter bunny today. Sat in front of the TV with a container of peanut butter and broke the bunny in to bite-sized bits before spreading it on.
I’m a monster.
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Kids eat too much sugar. You were just taking a chocolate bullet for the little guy’s well being. 
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wow, this was not nearly the level of pathos I was expecting from the title.
eh, you’re a dad. you did a dad thing. when he’s grown, you’ll both crack up thinking back on it.
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He must NEVER KNOW
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I guess there’s no sense in pretending anymore.
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Like none of us parents never dig into our kids’ Halloween haul?
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I bought my son one of those 1lb Hershey bars awhile ago, don’t even remember why. I think it was just to see his eyes light up that there were candy bars that big. I have now replaced it twice. 
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You are a great parent. And an awful parent.
PS you must end the post with “I’m a monster” 
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In a sitcom there would be further, more terrible lies on top of this lie to make the whole situation more laughtastic. I feel this is the best approach. Just tell him his sister ate it.
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all you gotta do is buy a replacement bunny before he notices. win/win!
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Yes. Yes you are.
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My son is fourteen, and I’m sure I have done many, many monstrous things since he was born. The only one I can think of now was really just an act of self-preservation: “The furby? No, I haven’t seen it.” (Don’t look on the top shelf in the closet, don’t look on the top shelf in the closet.)
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You monster.
(my son is only three years old and I’m already hiding particularly noisy or annoying toys)
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I’ve often thought about breaking open noisy toys and soldering a resistor between the speaker and control board.
Then I get lazy and either a. take the battery out (sorry! we don’t have any more of those…) or b. throw the toy away (sorry! no idea where that toy went!)
I’m a monster.
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Layers of tape over sound holes.
No, not the childrens' sound holes. You monsters.
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Just noticed my mouthwash bottle from this morning.
Yes, before my first coffee, I’m (apparently) a monster.
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I like Scrappy Doo. The original cartoons were great and all, but Fred and Daphne were boring (Velma was okay though). But what I really wanted was more Scooby and Shaggy. That’s where the laughs were, and with Scrappy that’s what you got.
I know it’s hip to hate on him, but I really like Scrappy and for that, I am a monster.
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I’m sorry but I might need to disable your account or something.
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I don’t like chocolate.
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I left the house for an hour. According to my cat, this is a monstrous, agitating act. He learns he is in the house with my kid, and makes a circuit of trotting in and out of the main-level rooms of the house, meowing his anxiety. “Oh Bastet, you mean I’m left here with YOU? Help me find her!”
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