I was reading Andrea Dworkin’s “Renouncing Sexual ‘Equality’”, (in Our Blood) so I’m wondering if men are wired for the male sexual model, and if heterosexual women [P.S. and of course gay men] are wired for attraction to it. If so, it may be too much to ask men to reject the male sexual model.
I didn’t say not to?
Everyone should always be polite, yes. 
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That’s a fairly good way to avoid needless strife in general, but sadly it’s not 100% foolproof.
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The problem with this and any other kind of essentialism is that human beings behave across spectrums, not in neat categories. There’s always going to be people whose behaviour doesn’t fit in the right box, and always far more of them than essentialists will acknowledge. If there weren’t, or history wouldn’t have so many incidents of harsh punishments for witchcraft or corrupting youth or whatever someone’s decided to freak out about this week.
If it were truly innate, we wouldn’t have to spend so much time working towards it and suppressing anything that didn’t fit. Not murdering people? As much as some people annoy me, I’ve never had to worry about actually killing any of them. Presenting culturally acceptable femininity? I have to worry about that all the time, and I’m cishet and generally like things deemed feminine.
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For many people, being attracted to another sex may be innate. For many other people, not being attracted and/or refusing to be available get punished. The latter doesn’t contradict the former.
For many people, phallocentrism may be innate. If so, it would be too much to those people to reject it.
I know I don’t understand men-- I would like to know what they think of Dworkin’s ideas here.
i’m a cisgendered male with a bisexual attraction. i’ve pushed boundaries since i was in high school in the 70s and i still have an occasional flair for androgyny surprising in a man with a santa beard. i think people on the whole spend way too much time and effort trying to conform to normative behaviors and there exists a subset of people which is way too big of people trying to enforce normative behaviors.
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Preach.
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thanks mel.
this is a subject close to my heart. my parents instilled in me a mental toughness from an early age to keep me centered in what i know in my heart is right or necessary. not everyone has that and i will preach when i see the strong or the privileged making an easy target of the weak. i’ve shamed two groups of students and one group of teachers over the years over issues swirling around this subject.
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For as much as many people like to spout off about ‘individualism’, there sure does seem to be a lot of compulsion to conform, and to force conformity upon others.
I say as long as you’re not harming anyone, live and let freakin’ live.
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WORD!
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Preach, part deux. In the car on the way home from Thanksgiving at in-laws, I had a long conversation with my privileged, white, male, 15-year-old about what that means for him in this world. Not to make him feel badly, but to impress upon him that the moral cost of such privilege is an imperative, a debt that must be paid. If that sounds harsh, well, I don’t want my son to ever stand quietly aside while that asshole Keith harasses someone, or worse.
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Compulsory Python
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As a not pretty girl, I totes relate.
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Excellent point.
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A long time ago in another life and province, I was QA for a manufacturing company.
The production floor was 99.99% men. Cabling or PCB was often 40-60% women, but the production floor where they assembled all things the other departments made into actual product, 99% men. Save for me, and sometimes Stacey from Repairs. All the production floor guys had their own workbenches, and they would put up the pin-up girls from FHM or GQ or whatever. Which, fine, whatever, I don’t care. Until they started putting up pin-ups of actual pornstars, some in in actual porn acts with strategic post it notes covers. Once these went up, they started making comments to me, and to Stacey. Now I’m no shrinking violet, and I can give as good as I get, even better most days. I even made one yokel leave the production floor in tears because he’d tried to get my goat and I got his instead. But Stacey? Stacey was very young, very sweet, and very innocent, and they made her cry. So I complained.
Nothing happened. I was told that Stacey needed to stand up for herself, that the pin-ups weren’t that bad, and that “boys will be boys”.
Fine.
I bought all naked Firemen calendars I could find. And Stacey and I, and any other woman we could conscript hung them EVERYWHERE. In the lunch room, in the washroom, in QA, in Parts, in shipping, everywhere a different ripped greased up and naked fireman.
3 guesses what happened?
I got called into the Production Managers office. First I got told that the guys in production had complained. Then I got told to take down my calendars. “Because the guys are upset”. So I refused, and pointed out that when I was “upset” about the pin-ups I was told to suck it up, so the guys can suck this up. Then we got a company wide memo that ALL pin-ups had to come down, including calendars.
But the only person who got reprimanded or in trouble in any way at all? Me. Because whats good for the goose is not good for the gander and never is. /sigh
Its funny that this story came to mind today…
Firemen with puppies added for context:
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The more things change…
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Humor is usually more specifically a display of social intelligence, which is a highly desirable trait in a mate of any gender.
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Yes, this.
I’m all for freedom of expression, but unless it is sex work, there’s no place for sex or sexual media in the workplace. Even if it’s sex work, there are generally guidelines and barriers you don’t cross.
One of my artist’s models, now a friend, used to be a dancer/dominatrix/centerfold and had so many horror stories about men who just couldn’t grok boundaries.
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So my ability to rattle off math puns will get me nowhere? 
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