Netflix is crap anyway.
My DVD collection is also crap, but at least it’s my crap.
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This is why I’m always careful to select the right fonts, letter by letter, from various newspapers/magazines.
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Have those halcyon days of ransom notes passed us by?
To be honest, I’d never print a ransom note out (cf - Reality WInter and the No Good Printout of Doom) but would I be tempted to do a literal cut n paste job? Not bloody likely.
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There’s all sorts of options these days…
But better to send it as an anonymous email from a php script from a compromised host.
…not that I’ve thought about that.
…crap.
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I will always find you
That’s a OUaT catchphrase, isn’t it? It’s been a few years.
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Image transcript
Anonymous
081616Tue122409 No699763279
>be fat
>go to /fit/ and find a solution
>main problem is i eat like a dumpster
>apparently things with loads of fiber is going to save my filthy soul
>“Fiber is digested slowly leaving you feeling full longer and helps with digestion”
>go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars
>the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast lunch and a lot of snacks
>i dont shit that day
>next day i fiber myself up even more
>i dont shit that day either
>fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon
>can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore
>i dont shit the third day
>i dont shit the fourth day
>thefinaldaydawns.mp3
>i have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way
>the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me
>it’s whistling
>just a thin continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin
>no sound other than the whistling hiss
>suddenly stops
>the hole is plugged
>SOS
>this shit is so solid it feels like i’m giving anal birth to Dwayne “The rock” Johnson
>hang on to the shower curtain and pray
>the rock is shot out of my asshole at mach speed
>my entire ass is covered in toilet water
>now the fun begins
>a fart that could do more damage to the ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting shit bullets out of me
>solid and prefectly round nuggets
>the smell is killing me
>blacking out
>the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks
>iwasntevenin’nam.jpeg
>my guts are yelling in german
>sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly
>most of the shit isn’t even digested at this point
>just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat
>after an hour it finally seems to be over
>im shivering and crying
>both legs collapse as i try to stand up
>my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet
>gondorcallsforaid.rar
>shakily wipe my ass
>completely clean
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I will be disappointed if…
… doesn’t become a thing.
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Reminds me of:
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Inigo’s Guide to Networking Success
Is it bad(?) that my first thought on reading this (and subconsciously seeing a numbered list below) was along the lines of:
- SYN
- SYN, ACK
- ACK
- FIN, ACK
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Good reviews of bad restaurants are the best. Especially when the bad restaurant is catering to the money to burn crowd (or at least those who think they are).
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Some people are definitely looking forward to Captain Marvel movie.
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