Things My House Eats

Anger
1
  • Spoons
  • Underoos
12 Likes
2
  • Socks
  • Cat toys
  • Remote controls
16 Likes
3

You really shouldn’t be feeding your house things like this. Houses have completely different dietary needs than appliances, and while these are great for the diet of dryers (and washing machines, as an occasional treat), letting a house eat them could cause digestion issues.

26 Likes
4
  • my hair clip – the one I always put my hair up with as soon as I walk in the door and which I always leave by the bathroom sink (except it moves on its own)
  • my other hair clip – the one I got as a birthday present, and that I wear outside when it gets humid… if it hasn’t disappered again.
13 Likes
5

Keys.

Shoes – only one from each pair, to taunt me.

Game discs/DVDs.

USB sticks.

12 Likes
6

Keys

Paperwork

My time

My sanity

13 Likes
7

We had an eight-place set of stainless flatware that I bought just before we were married. By the time our two kids were adolescents*, the inventory was:

  • 8 table knives
  • 8 table forks
  • 8 soup spoons
  • 8 salad forks
  • 1 teaspoon
    Why can something the size of a house only digest teaspoons?

*Not pointing fingers. I only mention this fact to give an idea of the time scale necessary for a house to eat seven spoons.

18 Likes
8

Thing my apartment doesn’t east but I wish it would:

  • dust

Seriously, why is this still a thing? I live on a busy urban street (which I love otherwise), and if I don’t dust every other day it looks like I never do it at all.

15 Likes
9
  • Slippers (no really!)
  • Books
  • Art supplies
9 Likes
10

Paintbrushes
Screwdrivers
Individual socks (only one of any pair, of course)

I wish it would eat books, they’re out of control.

12 Likes
11

That’s what your house excretes… Along with twist ties, in my case.

13 Likes
12

If you think a mere house is bad, imagine an entire research institute:

The case of the disappearing teaspoons: longitudinal cohort study of the displacement of teaspoons in an Australian research institute

14 Likes
13

Yeah… houses do that…

My disposable income

16 Likes
14

16 Likes
15

Tape Measures. They must be some tasty morsel to a house (or perhaps it eats them out of self defense)

20 Likes
16

My marriage.

9 Likes
17

Scissors and tape. I can never find scissors and tape when I need them.

10 Likes
18

Which reminds me:

Pliers (usually in the toolbox, but not always)
Screwdrivers (ditto)
USB hub

The last one is always either plugged into my computer, in the electronics drawer, or in Dimension X. Seriously, I upended and sorted through the electronics drawer twice in an hour, it wasn’t there, tried again right before I went out (in case I decided to cave in and get another one), and there it was.

9 Likes
19

My camera. But then it puts it back in the middle of the table when I’ve tired of looking for it.

6 Likes
20

My house has just eaten our tin opener. It was a good one, too.

8 Likes