You've Been Kidnapped

Kidnapped on The Orient Express. The team from Archer is coming to rescue me. I am going to die horribly in the crossfire, aren’t I-


I’ve been kidnapped by seven Noomi Rapaces… (Don’t watch “7 Sisters - what happened to Monday” its terrible btw) and I’m being rescued by the cast of The Walking Dead…

I dunno man, thats gonna be a hell of a fun fight…


It wasn’t in the theater, but my son and I rewatched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 a couple days ago, so thems my kidnappers. As far as TV shows go, I just finished Godless.

I hold out a fair amount of hope.


Oh good god, I’ve been watching stuff on Netflix while exercising, so by definition nothing that requires a lot of attention or thought: I’ve been kidnapped by Shawn and Guster (Psych: The Movie) and will be rescued by Jane Gloriana Villanueva (Jane the Virgin).

Yeah, I’ll be fine.


I’m assuming TV-on-DVD counts.

I’ve been doing a marathon of an old cartoon classic:

And the last movie I watched:

Considering that (in the Gargoyles universe) the Norse gods are considered to be under the sway of Oberon, and the Gargoyles have gone toe-to-toe with Oberon himself and survived, I’d have to like my chances here.

If TV-on-DVD doesn’t count… well, I can’t remember the last show I watched live, but I can’t really think of many others that would stand a decent chance of exfiltrating me from Asgard, so I suppose that’s just as well.


Them ladies would bust you out right quick!


Last movie: Doctor Strange
Last TV show: Stranger Things 2

A heck of a mashup! I suspect those scrappy kids from Hawkins might be a little out of their league in this situation, but I’ll keep my fingers crossed.


I’ll take Mary Agnes over Starlord every damn time.


I’ve been kidnapped by the young vet students from france in that movie Raw. Hopefully, the grew of Enterprise (ST: Enterprise) will be along soon to rescue me, though they might decide it fucks with the time line too much, so I’m probably going to have part of my leg eaten!


I’ve been kidnapped by (The Revenge of) The Sith. I have zero idea how The Punisher is going to save me, but at least I know he won’t give up and someone is going to get the everlovingshit beaten out of them.


Kidnapped by the characters in The Orient Express… and the characters from Broadchurch are coming to rescue me.


It’ll take a long time and a lot of red herrings, but I think they’ll finally figure out in the end that I was the killer all along…


I’ve been kidnapped by those not certain townsfolk from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I’m sure they have only want the best for me but I should be okay, the Aquabats are coming to the rescue!


I’ve been kidnapped by Edward Everett Horton, Patsy Ruth Miller and Laura La Plante (“Lonely Wives”).

And Hap and Leonard are coming to my rescue.

I’d rather stay with Edward Everett Horton, Patsy Ruth Miller and Laura La Plante, so that must mean Hap and Leonard will bumble about, fight some good ol’ boys, engage in badinage, and rescue me, making their day and ruining mine, especially if the de rigueur car chase happens after I’m retrieved.


This isn’t looking good for me. Not at all.

First off, these people have a badass train. AND

they are all murderers


Although these bitches are mad!


The last movie I saw was Rear Window, and the last TV show ST: Voyager. Janeway cares less about Prime Temporal Directives than other Starfleet captains, and certainly Tom Paris would be thrilled to have an excuse to visit the 1950s, but even if they don’t make it I’d be fine hanging out in mid-century Greenwich Village with Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly.


Okay, I’ve been kidnapped and held captive in the Green Room by evil Captain Picard and his gang of neo-nazis,

but I’m sure I’ll be rescued by Friends. (probably by accident)


I’ve been kidnapped by a group of journalists from the Boston Globe. They seem to think I can get some documents for them that have been sealed by court order. I told them I can’t help, but they won’t take no for an answer.

I thought of getting a message to some heavily-armed ladies I met in La Belle, New Mexico, but they tend to be a little trigger-happy. I don’t want a bloodbath on my conscience.

I think instead I’ll wait for the Aberystwyth police department. Once they get the missing person report they’ll track me down, and get me out of here without resorting to a hail of bullets.


I have been taken captive by the Justice League. And let me tell you, Superman’s mustache is super creepy.

Fortunately Hopper and those kids from Stranger Things will be along shortly to rescue mw.


Bah. As long as you haven’t murdered any little girls recently, the train passengers should treat you well.


Not if we’re all hostages on the same train:

Mallory: You idiots! You were supposed to rescue the hostage, not take her out in a hail of gunfire and then bury her in an avalanche! Dare I even ask who’s responsible?

(Spoilered for decades old plotline that is its own trope).


[Contentious discussion ensues where it’s revealed everyone shot me at least once† before Cheryl decided to go to the engine and pull the whistle, thus triggering the avalanche].

†Because do you really expect Archer to throw away that cultural touchstone?