Ahhhhh! They have to do this! Especially since that crazy Tunt owns a freaking railroad line!
“I didn’t realise the Tunt railroad empire included foreign holdings.”
“Yeah, my grandfather bought the line just before World War I started so he could profiteer from supplying the Turks, as a cover-up for his opium smuggling. Something like that. It’s all this complex old-timey business stuff.”
So last movie…
I would be captured and ‘forced to surf in Bali’ by the surfers from Endless Summer II.
And like @KeisterButton Hap And Leonard would come to my rescue where I would be all "what the fuck is wrong with you?? I am in Bali, surfing and having a great time you stupid hicks’
Thor and Hulk took me, Superman-Gunslinger-Horse-Whisperer Roy Goode is on the job. I anticipate some kind of deal kinda deal to win out. Pretty sure Hulk and Thor are Republicans in that universe.
I’ve been kidnapped by Valkyrie and forced to fight in the gladiator arena on Sakaar. I’m not brave enough to be the next Doug, but I’m also unlikely to survive even one fight.
It’s a good thing I’m going to be rescued by Steven Universe and Connie Maheswaran. Unless half-watching a show that my spouse was watching counts, in which case it’s going to be Rat from Juni Taisen. Either way should work out pretty well.
A friend just mentioned he’d watched Pitch Black for the first time in a while. When I asked his last TV show, portentiously, he said Punisher. When I explained, he laughed, “That would be awesome, 'cause it’d be in space! They should make that! … Glad I didn’t watch Kimmi Schmidt just yet.”
I’ve been kidnapped by the yakuza (Brother by Takeshi Kitano) but the Punisher is on his way to rescue me.
It’ll be over in seconds but I’ll definitely be moved by the poignant, noble inevitability of Takeshi’s death.
IT’S ALMOST TWO DECADES OLD AND HE DIES IN LITERALLY EVERY MOVIE HE HAS EVER BEEN IN.
Despite the comedy, I would not want to tangle with Kimmy Schmidt. She’s very good at strategy.
As with Hulk and Thor, I would hope for a peaceful resolution. Possibly the transfer of a prototype pink battlesuit for taking this cuul frood off Vin’s hands in exchange for the location of Ubercorp X’s stash of… macguffin bullshit.
I’m actually feeling better about my chances now, because I watched the episode where a crack team of real estate lawyers help Crazy Ex-Girlfriend get to Josh’s phone before her wrongly sent text gets to him. She has resources.
Decided to revive this for kicks.
Kidnapped by: Drew and Gru from Despicable Me 3
(Watched as part of a family movie in the park.)
Rescued by: Inspector Barnaby from Midsomer Murders.
Chances: After much hemming and hawing, discovered sucessfully in a lair under a thatched cottage.
There are some weird parallels here…
Kidnapped by The Incredibles (2).
Rescued by Maigret (BBC police drama set in Paris, with Rowan Atkinson).
Chances: Not a snowball’s chance in Hell. Maigret takes too long to figure things out, and doesn’t collaborate well.
Question to @Chaz1 : any chance you saw Despicable Me 3 in Gill Park on Chicago’s north side last Thursday evening? Or is there some conspiracy to show that particular movie in parks all over the country at the same time?
Kidnapped by Ariel. Doc McStuffins is mounting a rescue?
Having a kid makes this weird.
Kidnapped by the characters in The Incredibles 2 (seen in a double-feature with Ant Man and the Wasp, wheee), and the characters from The Expanse are coming to rescue me.
I mean, if the protomolocule is on my side, the superpowers are really going to have a rough time of it. Especially if it gets hold of their DNA and starts assimilating it. But if that ends up leading to the extinction of our section of the galaxy, that’s not going to be much comfort…
Don’t need the protomolecule just send Amos, Bobbie or peaches.
I’m have a feeling even MCRN combat armor would have a tough time standing up to Jack-Jack. Avasarala might be able to pull off some motherly wisdom to buy some time, but she’d probably end up being called out for being such a potty-mouth. 
Now, on the other hand, if we kept to just the villains of one doing the kidnapping and the heroes of the other doing the rescuing… then it’s still a close call, because the villains in Incredibles 2 are actually pretty darn competent, all things considered.
I’ll play again. 
Kidnapped by Michael Douglas as D-Fens in Falling Down (oh boy), rescue attempt by the ladies of GLOW. I’d say the chances are good because those girls are crafty, he would be completely befuddled and caught off guard by it, and most importantly there’d be a really cool 80’s montage soundtrack.
I need to wait a while to play again as I have the same scenario.
My irregular viewing habits have led to a pretty neato situation.
I am kidnapped by the Na’vi, the RDA, and the avatars of Avatar.
The hosts and QA of Westworld mount my (apparently unbelievably expen$ive) rescue.
I wouldn’t think much of my chances, though now I have nightmares of being carried over the shoulder of Ed Harris, except he has no face and keeps saying “Draw!” in Yul Brynner’s voice.
Just happenstance, I found surprising that Despicable Me 3 was one of the highest grossing animated movies of all time. It felt like eating warm tapioca: pleasant, but not very filling.
I have been kidnapped by the team from Solo
I will be rescued by Richie, Eddie, Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog from Bottom.
I plan on surviving by emulating Patty Hearst, because I have no chance otherwise.