FTFY.
Exit shame cube.
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Well…
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Can we start “Rump Card” to refer to the repetition of especially stupid political memes that are widely accepted in certain circles?
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The time has come for me to depart this community.
This was not a decision I came to without a great deal of thought; I’ve been going back-and-forth on it this whole week. But today, something happened that solidified my decision, and I now know that leaving is what I have to do.
The problem is that I’ve been getting in a bunch of increasingly intense arguments here, on an increasingly frequent schedule. The first, I wrote off as being someone with a grudge: once is happenstance. The second, okay, the other person and myself have mutually-exclusive visions of fighting climate change that we’re both passionate about: twice is coincidence. Three and four, though, and now I’ve been mudslinging with four different people… That’s a pattern, a troubling one, and one where I’m the common element. I’ve now been accused of misogyny, shilling for nuclear energy, gaslighting, and finally “pedantic literalism” (which, okay, guilty, but not in that case), by four different people.
That was enough to provoke reflection, on my part. The saying about “if you run into an asshole in the morning…” is a pretty good warning that the problem is me. The question was, am I leaving, or do I try to stay and figure out where I’m wrong?
So, while I was thinking this over, I’ve been logged out here, and spending time elsewhere on the Internet. One of those places is The Other Place. And I ran into this shitstorm.
If I were still willing to participate over in BB, I’d’ve been right there, getting dogpiled along Skeptic on this one, because I am in complete agreement with him that there is no such thing as an insult that only cuts one way. Visually painting a woman as a crone because you think their actions are evil equates evil with ugliness, and the fact that he got piled upon by people from here, that got accused of virtue signalling (and, let me tell you, seeing that insult show up on BB, from anyone other than a drive-by troll, flabbergasted me) by someone from here, that he got accused of being a crypto-Conway-supporter for trying to make the “insults cut both ways” argument that lies as the very heart of my philosophy of how to behave kindly…
It’s become clear that I don’t belong here. Five instances of intense, irreconcilable, passionate disagreement isn’t just a pattern, it’s a statement. And it’s entirely probable that the problem is with me, and not with the people here. That I take issue with things too quickly, that I get too emotionally invested in those arguments, that I see the worst in people and in the positions they take, that I’m less forgiving of other people’s failings than my own. That it might simply be the case that I’m everything that I — and Skeptic, who made the argument I didn’t want to log in to BB to make — have been accused of.
Whether the statement being made is that the problem is with me or not, it’s clear that this is not where I belong; it’s not where I feel safe. I came across a quote, while thinking this over, that “people who don’t share your values aren’t your friends; they’re your acquaintances.” So I guess this isn’t even where my friends are. At the very least, it’s none of those things anymore.
Be assured that the self-reflection isn’t going to end here (it’s very likely, as misanthropic as I am, that this is entirely my fault), and if I figure out a way to square the circle so that I can feel good about being here again, I may even be back someday. Don’t wait up, though: if I felt that were likely, I wouldn’t be leaving.
It’s been a blast. I sincerely wish all of you all the best, all of the kindness and love that this suffering world can spare (and especially good luck in 2020 to all of my American and British acquaintances).
Farewell,
-RM
PS - I’ve turned off notifications on PMs and replies; I’ll be watching this topic for a few days, but if you want to get word to me after that, you’ll have to go to other communities (I’m not that hard to find).
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But you’re right about insults…
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Sorry to see that @nimelennar . I hope you come back if this one feels like it might fit again.
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If you’ve turned off PMs then how will people be able to communicate alternate ways of staying in contact?
I know I will miss you.
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Good luck, dude. This board’s pun game is really going to suffer in your absence. 
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I hate it when there has been drama and I never noticed any of it.
I’d be happy to see you back at any time.
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I’m sad to see you go. How can intelligent, opinionated people interact without friction? I’ve certainly had some here. And if you see numerous cases at the same time – maybe that’s just dumb luck – maybe another year or two would go by without a problem.
I won’t argue with your decision (which would be . . . ironic? Is that the right word?) but I will miss you! And I hope you return one day.
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I’ll miss you. I’ve been moderate open on my identity, and on the off-chance you see this, you are welcome to get in touch any time.
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Pardon my lack of adequate prose, I am rather hammered. (Six double shots and two triples will do that)
I am going to miss your empathetic and insightful analysis and posts. You’ve been a community pillar and friend, even if sometimes you’ve had staggeringly terrible tastes in music (I kid: it’s my love of synthwave and dubstep that is terrible)
I know you’ve thought long and hard about this, and in the most quintessential Canadian politeness, decided that the problem was that you are not polite enough. That is not, and has never been the problem. The problem is that we live in a fucked up world ruled by dumbasses who would rather let the world burn and the masses suffer so they can loudly proclaim their fealty to the church of Ayn Rand.
As Woody Guthrie sang it:
I ain’t got no home,
I’m just a rambling round
I don’t think that you will ever find a peaceful place free from conflict or indignity because at the end of the day, people are people, and sometimes we can all be assholes.
I’m going to miss the heck outta you.
Thank you for being awesome.
In the event you do stay, remember: healthy relationships are built on time spent apart. It is always good to take breaks even from the people we love. (Because if we don’t take breaks, I might just snap over dishes not washed)
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I’m sad to see you leave. The reasons you give, though, show a lot of maturity, so I’m also proud to see that the conversations here have taken place in such a way that you are considering your role in the conflict. Taking some time away to sort this through shows a lot of maturity.
I hope to see you back again and I’m interested to see the changes when you do return.
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I certainly trust you to do the right thing, both for yourself and for everyone else. But what a sad thing that this should prove to be it. I don’t think I could properly call myself your friend or acquaintance, if we’ve never even met, and I’ve only heard what aspect of your voice comes through this medium. But it’s a sound that I will miss, and I hope you find a place you think it fits.
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I don’t know quite what to say. I do know that I’ve got Skeptic on ignore at the other place and you’ve never struck me as being anything like him. Also strongly agree with what @ChickieD said.
If it matters, the reason I ignore Skeptic is because he twice tried to tone police me in less than a week, he’s quite the gaslighter and goalpost-mover, and he’s just an arsehole. I don’t put up with that shit in real life and I’m not about to take it from an internet fuckwit.
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…then you’re either a proctologist or a sentient toilet?
*cough* sorry, sorry…
I’m only familiar with one of the examples you gave (the first), and I personally think that one looked like it was going to go badly at some point no matter what or who triggered it. You tried several times to defuse, which is more than I can say about the other party. I’d recommend not putting that into the pattern pile.
I can’t think of much else to say, except that this completely surprised me, and I hope it’s not permanent. I certainly don’t see you as combative. Text-only communication has a way of making it easy for misunderstandings to arise and feelings to be hurt without intent, however.
And I was mostly joking about flagging puns
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Ditto. Strong opinions, yes, but we all have that! You can see you are indeed valued here. Your comments are so lucid and thoughtful that I’m in awe.
And your puns are fab.
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Farewell, Aaaakzeee St-Patrick-Hartbrooke III I shall miss your company.
May we cross paths again.
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