Hell yes!
12 Likes
Funny: I learned it as New Relationship Ecstasy!
6 Likes
That’s very interesting.
The sex one is assigned at birth.
determines how one constructs a gender identity.
“Females” are more interested in physical attraction.
while “Males” are more interested in the signifiers associated with gendered expression.
3 Likes
There was a brief bit where I was trying to figure out how you came to that conclusion, then I saw it! Wow, I’ve never noticed that color correspondence, although I’m pretty sure that’s not what the creators of the graphic were trying to imply. I do think that they were trying to avoid the trope of male => blue, female => pink, but I can certainly see how having the same colors on the graphic for different concepts could actually lead someone to that idea.
8 Likes
unless i’m missing it in going through the thread, i don’t see much mention of bisexuality. at risk of oversharing, i am a bisexual cis-male. while i was single i had a few dating relationships with cis-women which didn’t last very long; a somewhat longer but unconsummated relationship with a cis-man; and a brief, very physical, relationship with a trans-woman. most of these relationships were ended by mutual agreement. about a year after i had returned to texas from a couple of years in colorado i met and eventually married a cis-woman with whom i have spent the past 19 years exploring life and each other.
i have had people tell me that bisexuality is a front to cover my true homosexuality, i’ve had people tell me that i “need to make up my mind what team” i’m playing for, i’ve had people tell me that my long term, monogamous relationship with my wife “proves” i’m straight. i find those statements fatuous and wrong-headed. simply because i respect my wife’s desire for exclusivity in our marriage does not mean that i do not or cannot appreciate the physical attractiveness of the universe of gender.
i wonder if some of the low esteem i see for bisexuality is related to the fact that, prior to this point in our recent history, to fully express one’s bisexuality one would have to be in a triangular relationship, an open marriage, or as a secret relationship hidden from the other partner. now the possibility exists for serial monogamy with partners of any gender. i wonder how long it will be before that will be as well accepted as multiple marriages and divorces are among the straight set?
21 Likes
Correct. Overall in society, there is little to no mention of bisexuality. I don’t see any in this thread, but there is some over here:
I have never understood this mindset. Instead of accepting that people might be any sexual orientation, we’ve basically come to an understanding that people who aren’t straight are gay, and gay means gay men first, lesbians second but only if they’re extremely stereotypical, and the garbage bin taxonomy of everybody else dead last. I could go on and on about how the LGBT movement needs to be more accepting, and more intersectional, but I won’t, because I feel I’ve been doing that a lot lately.
And why all the hatred toward bisexual people? I’ve never understood that. Not fitting in, sure, because there is no real bucket for bisexuals currently, but I’ve never understood how gay people treat bisexual people as the enemy and how straight people say bisexual people don’t even exist. I guess it all comes down to insecurity.
Do you think that’s really true, or just how it’s talked about?
7 Likes
That, and some gay men are married to their beards for a long, long time before they come out (if ever). I know of one marriage that lasted over 25 years and produced two kids. It ended when the youngest kid moved out of the house and the husband came out. The wife had had no idea, but after the initial shock they worked things out, and last I heard ex-husband, ex-wife, and ex-husband’s new partner were all living under the same roof, much to the outage of the church they still attended.
In cases like that I always wonder if the person isn’t actually bi, but what the hell do I know.
12 Likes
I identified as bisexual for many years, but more recently I’ve been calling myself pansexual, if only because of my own gender identity. I’ve been actively having sex with partners of any gender since I was 12, so about 35 years now. (Yeah, I started way too young!) I quite assure anyone who questions it, that my identity is very real and I don’t need to “pick a side.”
I propose to those who suggest that you’re straight because you are “only” with a single partner in a heterosexual pairing that by that logic, a person who is not partnered with anyone is obviously asexual. Association with others can be a component of one’s identity, but ultimately, the core is from self-identification.
15 Likes
Purely from biological and genetic considerations, as well as my own experiences, I would have thought that exclusive homosexuality would not be that common among men. Among women I don’t know, and it’s not something I’ve ever felt able to discuss with lesbian friends.
6 Likes
In most cases, I neither fully know or care what someone’s sexual orientation is. I never assume that someone who’s in a relationship with someone of one gender is only attracted to that one gender.
8 Likes
The ex-husband used to work with a relative of mine; they were work friends. When I was a kid I was taken there for visits because it was a nice, safe, Christian house to go to. I used to get warmed to not swear and be more… placid I guess you’d say. My siblings and I weren’t allowed to tease each other or banter (by our relative, not by anyone who lived there). It was kind of like visiting the Flanders from The Simpsons.
The coming-out caused a huge scandal. I remember when my siblings and I were told, we all basically blinked once and said, “Okay, not surprised.” But we got to hear about it for months.
8 Likes
It gets even weirder than that on TV, where often anyone who doesn’t have a body in the 1% most masculine / feminine is coded queer
13 Likes
That’s pretty much the house I grew up in, and visit when I go home for holidays. Mandatory church, swearing absolutely forbidden (even “dang” was off limits as it was too close to a bad word), no teasing, no fighting, no R-rated movies allowed. And friends wonder why I don’t have open conversations about sexuality with my parents. Gosh, I can’t imagine.
I’ve been told that not coming out in a big way to my family is a big point of shame that I should feel guilt about, that I’m denying myself freedom or some such thing. Honestly, I’m just not convinced it’s at all worth it.
16 Likes
Performing your life to someone else’s standard is tedious, to say the least, no matter how well meaning.
15 Likes
It’s your life and your privacy. You should absolutely come out to your family if that is what you want/need to do. It’s not anyone’s business to shame you one way or another. Those people shaming you don’t have to live with the fall out.
9 Likes
I take it you mean ugly, pretty lesbians are there for the benefit of men #cognativedissonance
8 Likes
What do you mean exactly?
This (in general) is not something I notice. I don’t often rank people on their perceived masculinity or femininity irrespective of other attributes…
2 Likes
Are you saying you never came out to your family, as in they think you’re straight? Or is it more a matter of your sexual orientation being an elephant in the room that nobody ever discusses?
Having to come out is the same deal as having to stay in the closet. It’s just the flip side of that coin.
Nobody has to come out. Just because someone’s out of the closet with some people, or even most people, doesn’t mean they have to be out to everybody. Unfortunately, that sometimes includes blood relatives. I have a good friend who found that out the hard way. As a middle-aged adult. In the 2010s. 
7 Likes
I mean fat butch women who drive pickup trucks and play contact sports.
Otherwise, they’re there to titillate the men /s
2 Likes
It’s more that relationships and sex and things are just never talked about in my family. They’ve never asked me about any relationship I’ve been in or seemed remotely curious; their take on everyone’s private life is that it’s no business of theirs. If I announced I had a girlfriend or announced I had a boyfriend, either way, they’d be happy because I was happy. But me simply saying “Hey guys, I know I’m in my mid-40s but just so you know, I think either men or women are potential partners” seems like an entirely weird and selfish thing to do.
10 Likes