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Having successfully repelled the New Prussian fleet against all odds, a weary Weatherby turns to rebuilding and improving the colony at hand. Having repulsed the invasion in the first month due to the brave sacrifices of a number of individuals, many sentients have had the opportunity to continue working on their Final Legacy. The histories will look forward to hearing how each of you brought them to completion.
Cmdr Damerl Capstanturnbuckle
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| M.I.A. (??) | 733 | 34 | 56 | 30 | 80 | 30 | 4 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Launch with Space Dragoons
| + Success! (Successful launch from Weatherby, MIL+1)
| Legacy Progress (MIL: Serve with distinction)
| + Success! (Successful launch from Weatherby, MIL+3)
| + Minor failure! (Corvette damaged on approach, PER+2 (swearing))
| + Huge Success! (Rams bridge of the Thetis, MIL+5)
| + Overall progress 6/10
| Cmdr Damerl Capstanturnbuckle is declared M.I.A. (PLUCK+1)
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Decapoda Downs | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Rocco Capstanturnbuckle | -50 | 0 | -50 | -50 |
| Modest Apt. (rank+75) | -75 | 0 | -75 | 0 |
| Successful Patent | 358 | 358 | 0 | 0 |
| Import/Export Shares | 0 | 700 | -359 | -381 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 0£
| Income: 733£/turn
Duchess Gummibunns
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Excellent (9) | 856 | 35 | 81 | 35 | 47 | 31 | 2 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Launch with Space Dragoons
| + Success! (Successful launch from Weatherby, MIL+1)
| + Success! (Undamaged in orbital battle, MIL+1)
| Legacy Progress (FSH: Found a bean salon)
| + Success! ('Beans on a Log' becomes popular song, FSH+3)
| + Success! ('Beans on a Log' becomes a popular dish, FSH+3)
| + Overall Progress (6/10)
| LSP is injured in the bombardment!
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Lumpy Estates | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| LSP (injured) | -50 | 0 | -50 | 0 |
| Fashionable Apt. (rank+300)| -700 | 0 | -700 | 0 |
| Sandfishery Rights | 0 | 337 | -85 | -252 |
| Whipweed Farm | 381 | 654 | -273 | 0 |
| Industry Verticals (bad) | 260 | 400 | -140 | 0 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 187£
| Income: 391£/turn
Aaaakzeee St-Patrick-Hartbrooke II
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Hale & Hearty (10) | 731 | 58 | 41 | 32 | 32 | 33 | 1 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Vive la Résistance!
| + Success! (Uninjured and uncaptured, MIL+1)
| Legacy Progress (PER: Run for political office)
| + Huge success! (Hero of the Resistance, PER+5)
| + Success! (Rousing post-battle speeches, PER+3)
| + Result: Looking to be the odds-on favorite
| + Overall Progress (7/10)
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Hartbrooke Hall | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Luna Penumbra | -50 | 0 | -50 | -50 |
| Proper Apt. (rank+150) | -400 | 0 | -400 | 0 |
| Import/Export shares | 0 | 549 | -205 | -344 |
| Successful Patent | 172 | 172 | 0 | 0 |
| Municipal Bonds | 96 | 96 | 0 | 0 |
| Seryl Mine | 57 | 186 | -129 | 0 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 117£
| Income: 425£/turn
Reginald Oblongnoknees Ursulak Nock-nock Dipswitch, VII
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Death's Door (1) | 647 | 44 | 85 | 49 | 40 | 39 | 1 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Fight alongside the Space Hussars
| + You receive a severe wound in battle (Health -6)
| + You return to the land of the living (PLUCK-1, Health+1)
| Legacy Progress (FSH: Found a salon)
| + Huge success! (You have been to the Other Side and returned, FSH+6)
| + Success! (Stories of the Other Side fascinate crowds, FSH+3)
| + Result: Your salon is becoming the talk of the town
| + Overall Progress (8/10)
| Peyote Trigrammaton is injured in the bombardment!
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Pouncington Boxfort Castle | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Nanny | -75 | 0 | -75 | 0 |
| Peyote Trigrammaton (inj.) | -50 | 0 | -50 | 0 |
| Spartan Apt. (rank+50) | -75 | 0 | -75 | 0 |
| Sandfishery Rights | 0 | 175 | -50 | -125 |
| Successful Patent | 171 | 171 | 0 | 0 |
| Municipal Bonds | 129 | 129 | 0 | 0 |
| Import/Export shares | 0 | 500 | -248 | -252 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 338£
| Income: 600£/turn
Lt. Erythro Brummell (ret)
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Poor (4) | 861 | 45 | 94 | 34 | 43 | 34 | 2 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| A Very Brittanian Coup
| + Unfortunately, your clever ruse was spotted
| + Injured in the ensuing firefight (Health-6)
| + Prevented Governor and Mayor from surrendering (PLUCK+1)
| Legacy Progress (FSH: To the haut ton, &c.)
| + Success! (Red arm slings become popular fashion items, FSH+3)
| + Success! (Inspiring a 'take charge' attitude, FSH+3)
| + Result: Brummell Mode is a thing that is spoken about
| + Overall Progress (8/10)
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Cthonington Grove | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Primus Brummell | -50 | 0 | -50 | 0 |
| Panspermia Brummell | -50 | 0 | -50 | 0 |
| Nanny | -75 | 0 | -75 | 0 |
| Proper Apt. (rank+150) | -400 | 0 | -200 | 0 |
| Import/Export shares | 0 | 565 | -187 | 0 |
| Lagoderm Ranch | 138 | 193 | -55 | 0 |
| Municipal Bonds | 120 | 120 | 0 | 0 |
| Whipweed Farm (blight) | 0 | 260 | -40 | 0 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 206£
| Income: 183£/turn
Hieronymoose Farnsworth, III
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Hale & Hearty (10) | 792 | 33 | 62 | 65 | 46 | 44 | 1 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Vive la Résistance!
| + Success! (Uninjured and uncaptured, MIL+1)
| Legacy Progress (BUS: Become a titan of the shipping business)
| + Success! (Prototype will scale in production, BUS+3)
| + Huge Success! (Just in Time shipments to the front! BUS+5)
| + Result: By Catherine, this looks like it!
| + Overall Progress (9/10)
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Abacus Racks | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Hieronimoose Farnsworth IV | -50 | 0 | -50 | -50 |
| Nanny | -75 | 0 | -75 | -75 |
| Proper Apt. (rank+150) | -400 | 0 | -400 | 0 |
| Sandfishery Rights | 0 | 240 | -93 | -147 |
| Industry Verticals | 228 | 350 | -122 | 0 |
| Import/Export shares | 0 | 500 | -157 | -343 |
| Whipweed Farm | 344 | 466 | -122 | +344 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 259£
| Income: 694£/turn
Olivier Richard Pierre Jean-Robèrt Sylvain
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Hale & Hearty (10) | 136 | 39 | 40 | 40 | 59 | 57 | 0 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Legacy Progress (MIL: Evacuate Weatherby)
| + Huge Success! (Evacuees +600)
| + Overall Progress (1550 souls rescued from Weatherby)
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| DeForest Hall (seized) | 0 | 565 | -50 | 0 |
| Printing business (seized) | 0 | 1260 | -489 | 0 |
| Municipal Bonds (seized) | 0 | 255 | 0 | 0 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 15£
| Income: 0£/turn
Cmdr William T. Piker
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Hale & Hearty (10) | 947 | 52 | 35 | 40 | 68 | 41 | 0 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Launch with Space Dragoons
| + Success! (Successful launch from Weatherby, MIL+1)
| + Success! (Undamaged in orbital battle, MIL+1)
| Legacy Progress (MIL: Path to True Citizenship through military service)
| + Success! (Cadet Liversnaps-Greyson contributes to battle, MIL+3)
| + Failure! (Poorly Cloned Crusher fails in mission, EDU+1)
| + Huge Success! (Formation planning breaks blockade, MIL+5)
| + Result: A potential shift in doctrine after all!
| + Overall Progress (7/10)
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Riker Stream Ranch | 515 | 565 | -50 | 0 |
| R. Liversnaps-Grayson Mk2 | -50 | 0 | -50 | -50 |
| Fashionable Apt. (rank+300)| -700 | 0 | -75 | 0 |
| Import/Export shares | 0 | 920 | -394 | -526 |
| Successful Patent (.NETs) | 126 | 126 | 0 | 0 |
| Industry Vert. (smelters) | 260 | 400 | -140 | 0 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 437£
| Income: 76£/turn Lady Jane
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Bad (2) | 1279 | 35 | 36 | 47 | 40 | 47 | 0 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Fight alongside the Space Hussars
| + You receive a severe wound in battle (Health -4)
| Legacy Progress (RANK: Recontextualize rank via art)
| + Success! (Near death experience offers insight, Rank+50)
| + Huge Success! (Recent events offer inspiration, Rank+100)
| + Result: Three steps forward, two steps back
| + Overall Progress (8/10)
| Mechatookage is injured in the bombardment!
| Ssskidwish is injured in the bombardment!
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Thunder Down | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Mechaootokage (injured) | -50 | 0 | -50 | -50 |
| Fashionable Apt. (rank+300)| -700 | 0 | -700 | 0 |
| Whipweed Farm | 385 | 616 | -231 | 0 |
| Lagoderm Ranch | 483 | 794 | -311 | 0 |
| Lagoderm Ranch | 203 | 338 | -135 | 0 |
| Seryl Mine | 50 | 146 | -96 | 0 |
| Problematic Synergies | -100 | 0 | -100 | 0 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 0£
| Income: 771£/turn
Dr. Heinz Franksenketchup
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Deceased (0) | 711 | 37 | 44 | 38 | 46 | 53 | 0 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Launch with Space Dragoons
| + Success! (Successful launch from Weatherby, MIL+1)
| + Failure! (Destroyed in orbital battle)
| Legacy Progress (EDU: Create a great work of genetic engineering)
| + No Progress. R.I.P.
| + Result: Someone will need to carry on this effort
| + Overall Progress (2/10)
| Parabola Spare is injured in the bombardment!
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Castle Ponsfleischmann | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Parabola Spare | -50 | 0 | -50 | 0 |
| Oscar Franksenketchup | -50 | 0 | -50 | -50 |
| Nanny | -75 | 0 | -75 | -75 |
| Proper Apt. (rank+150) | -400 | 0 | -400 | 0 |
| Sandfishery Rights | 0 | 115 | -20 | -95 |
| Lagoderm Ranch | 113 | 133 | -20 | 0 |
| Seryl Mine | 91 | 295 | -204 | 0 |
| Whipweed Farm | 100 | 133 | -33 | 0 |
| Industry Verticals (bad) | 260 | 400 | -140 | 0 |
| Import/Export shares | 0 | 579 | -288 | -291 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 290£
| Income: 489£/turn
Elizabeth Mary Farnsworth VI
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Fair (5) | 742 | 41 | 47 | 54 | 41 | 46 | 1 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Provide medical services at the front
| + You receive a severe wound due to shrapenl (Health -5)
| Legacy Progress (BUS: Create a revolutionary new product)
| + Success! (Mild injuries quickly repaired, (BUS+3)
| + Success! (Many lives saved, BUS+3)
| + Enormous failure! (Side effects when regenerating limbs in non-Space Lizards, EDU+3)
| + Result: That branding challenge just got bigger
| + Overall Progress (9/10)
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Farnsworth Downs | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Qaaxtzl Farnsworth | -50 | 0 | -50 | -50 |
| Fashionable Apt. (rank+300)| -700 | 0 | -700 | 0 |
| Printing business (large) | 805 | 1290 | -485 | 0 |
| Whipweed Farm (blight) | 0 | 365 | -146 | 0 |
| Problematic Synergies | -150 | 0 | -75 | 0 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 0£
| Income: 405£/turn
Carcinogennifer Honeyvenom
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Deceased (0) | 1366 | 29 | 44 | 28 | 31 | 32 | 0 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Legacy Progress (RANK: \<secret\>)
| + Success! (Successful preparation, Rank+50)
| + Success! (Gained access to the Thetis, Rank+50)
| + Success! (Turned the tide of battle, Rank+50)
| + Result: Just crazy enough. But will anyone know?
| + Overall Progress (10/10)
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Dewclaw Manor | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Marmaduke Mason Honeyvenom | -50 | 0 | -50 | -50 |
| Fashionable Apt. (rank+300)| -700 | 0 | -700 | 0 |
| Successssful Patent | 223 | 223 | 0 | 0 |
| Indussstry Verticals | 240 | 433 | -193 | 0 |
| Lagoderm Ranch | 327 | 552 | -225 | 0 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 222£
| Income: 540£/turn
Julius Rothschild Karekin
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Hale & Hearty (10) | 1485 | 49 | 51 | 47 | 41 | 43 | 0 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Legacy Progress (RANK: Seek a position in the royal court)
| + Success! (Appeals are heard, RANK+50)
| + Huge Success! (Arguments are persuasive, Rank+100)
| + Huge Failure! (Weatherby not considered a 'vital colony', EDU+4)
| + Result: On short list to head Office of Colonial Affairs
| + Overall Progress (9/10)
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Waddesdon Manor | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Shmuel Wentworth Karekin | -50 | 0 | -50 | 0 |
| Nanny | -75 | 0 | -75 | 0 |
| Luxurious Apt. (rank+500) | -1200 | 0 | -1200 | 0 |
| Seryl Mine | 116 | 221 | -105 | 0 |
| Sandfishery Rights | 0 | 170 | -20 | -150 |
| Industry Verticals | 124 | 248 | -124 | 0 |
| Whipweed Farm | 510 | 678 | -168 | 0 |
| Import/Export shares | 0 | 206 | -206 | 0 |
| Barrister | -250 | 0 | -250 | 0 |
| Sandfishery Rights | 0 | 430 | -140 | -290 |
| Lagoderm Ranch | 150 | 210 | -60 | 0 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 86£
| Income: -175£/turn
Jean-Rhys Witherspoon Wilhelmina Winnifred Rodchaser née Westingham
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Good (8) | 996 | 39 | 65 | 40 | 44 | 72 | 0 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Vive la Résistance!
| + Success! (Uninjured and uncaptured, MIL+1)
| Scholar provides useful observations (EDU+2)
| Legacy Progress (EDU: Make an astounding academic discovery)
| + Success! (Peer review promising, EDU+3)
| + Huge Success! (Conference presentation celebrated, EDU+5)
| + Result: Just need to publish the work...
| + Overall Progress (9/10)
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Coulibri Island | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Talulah Westingham-Flowers | -50 | 0 | -50 | 0 |
| Aldous Westingham-Flowers | -50 | 0 | -50 | -50 |
| Nanny | -75 | 0 | -75 | 0 |
| Scholar | -100 | 0 | -100 | 0 |
| Fashionable Apt. (rank+300)| -700 | 0 | -700 | 0 |
| W.U. Distinguished Prof. | 472 | 533 | -61 | 0 |
| Import/Export shares | 0 | 767 | -321 | 0 |
| Sandfishery Rights | 0 | 404 | -162 | -242 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: -3£
| Income: -3£/turn
Eudaemonia Betalinda Ponsonby-Britt
+-Health-------------+-RANK-+-PER-+-FSH-+-BUS-+-MIL-+-EDU-+PLUCK+
| Lost in Action(??) | 671 | 51 | 51 | 43 | 51 | 43 | 0 |
+--------------------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
| Fight alongside the Space Hussars
| + Lead countercharge against New Prussian cannon (MIL+8)
| + Presumed Lost in Action
| Legacy Progress (PER: Education & Employment for Citizen Pretenders)
| + Result: The cause has been taken up by future generations
| + Overall Progress (4/10)
| Weatherby War Bonds have paid a handsome final yield
+--- Holdings ---------------+---Net---+-Income-+-Upkeep-+Change+
| Bedlams Bower | 500 | 550 | -50 | 0 |
| Euphrosynia Bonsonby-Britt | -50 | 0 | -50 | 0 |
| Jeremiah Bonsonby-Britt | -50 | 0 | -50 | -50 |
| Proper Apt. (rank+150) | -400 | 0 | -400 | 0 |
| Printing business (small) | 138 | 180 | -42 | 0 |
| Successful Patent | 225 | 225 | 0 | 0 |
| Industry Verticals | 200 | 400 | -200 | 0 |
+----------------------------+---------+--------+--------+------+
| Purse: 6317£
| Income: 563£/turn
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volleyed and thundered;
Stormed at with laser and shell,
While lagoderm and hero fell.
They that had fought so well
Came through the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of hell,
All that was left of them.
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honour the charge they made!
Hello Weatherby,
You might recognize my voice and face as those of your Ambassador, known as Carcinogennifer Honeyvenom of Dewclaw Manor. The first thing you should know about me is that as you hear or read these words, I am most assuredly dead, either at the beaks and talons of New Prussian torturers bent on obtaining strategic intelligence which I do not possess, or, if fortune and justice smile upon us, as a result of the bomb I am delivering to Admiral Pandora of the New Prussian Weltraumflotte.
The second thing you should know is that the first thing affords me a certain liberty to discuss matters about which I have not been entirely truthful of late. I have, to be frank, been a poor fit into Weatherbean society since my arrival. Oh, you’d never realize it, since my chameleonic nature permits me to blend in fairly inconspicuously wherever I go. But it’s true: I have slept poorly, when at all, since my arrival, and I have itched at every social stricture, rankled at every custom, and only managed to get through the day without being cast out of polite society entirely by tightly gritting my teeth and putting on the performances demanded by Weatherbean society… and a bravura performance it has been! I enjoy a very high rank, I have served with distinction as your Ambassador, and no door is closed to me.
But this is not because I am an especially clever Space Lizard (although that certainly didn’t hurt). It is because of unearned privilege.
I do not know how long I have to relate this story before I am seized by the Admiral’s agents, so I’ll be as uncharacteristically brief as I can be. I am not a Good Citizen. In part because, as you will soon discover, I am not a True Citizen at all, but mostly because I am simply not a good person. Space Lizards are infamously cold-blooded, calculating, selfish, ruthless, cunning, well-hung, and interested mainly in long-term profit. They can be reliable partners in all sorts of chaotic adventures, if there’s a solid likelihood of a decent payout at the end of it all. They won’t betray you for a short-term spacebuck; that’s an amphibian trick like Don Mondo used to pull. If we turn against you, you’ll know you’ve earned it. But charity is an alien concept to the Space Lizard. I just had to look it up again, and I’m afraid I still don’t get it.
Your Bartlebot will attest to the fact that I was one of a party of two upon arrival on Weatherby. Our citizenships were assigned randomly, as is the weird-ass custom: Carcinogennifer Honeyvenom was the respectable Tea Sea, and Ssskidwish was her Sea Pea ward. And thus we entered polite society, and thus we began to pursue our mission to unmake it.
For we were not mere colonizers from Britannia Prime. We infiltrated the colony for the express purpose of profiting off the revolutionary forces roiling underneath the surface of society. We knew, in fact, what is well-known to most Sea Peas: Weatherby may be a fairly rich colony of Her Majesty’s, but all its riches flow into the pockets of an undeserving minority: the so-called “True Citizens” which any other world would denounce as aristocratic, bourgeois, perfumed pantywaists.
It is a poisonous system, and its toxins are addictive. Let me tell you how I know.
As I said, when we arrived here, we were two. Ms Honeyvenom was the TC nom de guerre adopted by Lieutenant Gilligan, late of the IMV Carcinogic Denture. Her ward Ssskidwish was, in actuality, Captain Ssskipper of that same vessel. I, the Lizard speaking to you now, am in fact Captain Ssskipper. Which means that, according to the laws and customs of Weatherby, I am Ssskidwish. So why am I masquerading as Ambassador Honeyvenom?
You may have noticed that you haven’t seen us two together in some time. In fact it has been nearly a year, since last July, when we failed to attend each other’s wedding feast. The Ambassador had just returned from her first visit to the New Prussian homeworld, having decided, against my better advice, to pursue a course of… well, she referred to it as “self-interested co-operation” with the New Prussians, but you and I would rather call it what it was: appeasement. We quarreled, I emerged the victor, and I adopted her persona and dress, and served her for my wedding dinner. Where, after all, did I find the ingredients for this repast?
Course 1 30 Fried Squawmate Scale Crisps, lightly salted
Course 2 50 Autotomized Skink Tail, fresh and wriggling
Course 3 30 Parietal eye and Komodo venom soup
Course 4 70 Sauteed Jacobson’s organ, fluffed with cloacal aioli
Course 5 80 Dewclaws-on-a-Stick, dusted with powdered sugar
Course 6 400 Ice-cold bottle of “Ol’ Lizard’s Blood” root beer, poured over ice cream
You warm-blooded mammals (and the more sentimental of you arthropods) may consider this a cold and cruel act, but I assure you, it was the only proper outcome by Reptiloid ethics. Lieutenant Gilligan was my sister’s favorite egg, and I held him in the highest regard. But, as I alluded earlier, Weatherbean society is poisonous to those who benefit most from it. As a duly-stamped True Citizen, the newly-minted Carsssy rose rapidly in society’s ranks, getting the fashionable apartment and rubbing elbows with the trendy and powerful, while I, her lowly Sea Pea ward, toiled day and night to keep the actual gears of our endeavors turning.
And at what cost did this society shower its largesse upon the True Citizenry? Let us ask the sandfish, whom we ate and grew fat upon, without ever asking them in their own language what they thought about the matter. Let us ask the late Ensign Walleye Crusher, who was murthered most foully and viciously for attempting to make that very inquiry of the sandfish. Let us ask the fugitive Olivier Sylvain, either driven to crime or framed for the same by social forces demanded by our excuse for a society.
I could see revolution on the rise, and though Gilligan and I had arrived with the mission to profit off just such a phenomenon… I confess I had grown roots here, in Weatherby, on Weatherby, of Weatherby. Gilligan was lost to the blindness and raw ambition demanded of the True Citizens; I could not get him back. But his ill-considered work needed to be undone, and only I could undo it. I donned the Ambassador’s guise in the fervent hope of revisiting the New Prussian foe, determining its abilities and resources, and sowing as much disinformation in its direction as I could. So far, it hasn’t worked as well as I’d have liked, but they haven’t killed me yet, so I still hold out some hope.
To maintain my access in order to continue this ruse, I needed to be both Ssskidwish and Carsssy. I wed two different people: Melisande Copse, wife of the Ambassador, and Lady Jane, my own cyborganic bride. I loved them both, as both are genuinely lovable, and I love our children as well. These people have become my newfound roots. I only wish it were possible for me to live long enough to see them thrive and grow old in happiness and peace, here on Weatherby. Our home.
But that is not possible. The only way they will be able to survive at all, let alone know a moment’s peace or happiness, is for me to die. I am the only one with potential access to the Admiral of the New Prussian Fleet, and if I can get close enough to him… I have secreted a bomb on my person, a piece of ordnance powerful enough to disable his flagship and sow enough chaos in his fleet operations to give our own Hussars and Dragoons a better fighting chance in this struggle. I do this because Weatherby deserves to survive, not as it has been, as a two-tiered society of Haves and Have-Nots, but as a free and just society, wherein any given individual, no matter how lowly of birth or unfortunate of Bartlebot-assignment, has the chance to take from the world every cent they can wring from it. Such is the Space Lizard dream: profits for all, unfair advantage to none who don’t actually earn it. And let this be the Weatherbean dream as well.
Ask Her Majesty and I think she’ll agree.
Toward this end, I, Captain Ssskipper of the Carcinogenic Denture, die an unremarked and unremarkable death. Let my grave be an uncharted swath of space in Weatherbean orbit, where my glowing embers shall be blown within hours from now. Ssskipper is a profiteer, a charlatan, a cannibal, a fraud, and a rude sonofabitch with an irritable cloaca. Nobody needs him around anymore.
But let Ambassador Honeyvenom be remembered, for her selfless sacrifice to Her Majesty’s colony of Weatherby. The times are hard, and the sky above Weatherby is currently darkened by the New Prussian fleet. But after hearing these words, go outside, hold your heads high, and look to the stars. And if you see a bright flash where the darkness is densest, take heart. For that light is Ambassador Honeyvenom’s final gift to Weatherby. That light signals the turn of the tide. Remember: after Pandora, there is… Hope.
Let there be Light.
Flatus Ad Aquilae!
[To anyone who is not out celebrating victory, who is still tuned in, the radio comes to life again at noon.]
Before I begin, let us take a moment of silence, for all of the souls lost in our battle with New Prussia.
[One minute passes.]
My dear friends, this is the Voice of Weatherby, bringing a message of victory.
The New Prussians have been defeated by our loyal forces, the traitors to Weatherby have been outed and caught. The list of dead and injured is long, far too long, but be proud of yourselves: it would have been much, much longer if we hadn’t all stood together and supported one another. We won this war together, as one people, and that’s how we must continue.
I’ve tried to be a voice of unity and support, of encouragement and hope, of patriotism and incitement to action. And through all of that, I have kept my identity a secret from you, because it’s not my voice that matters. The only voice that has ever had power over you is your own, and, despite what certain papers have said, it was your voice that saved those lives; all I have done is help you to hear it a little better, and speak it a little louder.
So, this is my last broadcast, because I’m passing the title onto each of you: you are now each the Voice of Weatherby, as you have been all along. Keep alive the spirit of coming together as a community, to fight those ills that plague us. Listen to that Voice inside you that paints a better tomorrow, and speak it as loud as you can.
This is one Voice among the many, signing off.
Long live Weatherby, and long live the Queen.
[There is one last burst of static, and the channel goes silent for good.]
The figure in the room crumples the paper that he has been reading from and tosses it into the waste paper basket with the rest of the scripts he has written and read from. There is a flash of light as a match bursts into flame, and then smoke as the paper in the bin catches fire. All records of the Resistance are to be destroyed; several of the records smuggled to him were done so illegally, and he will not risk his sources being discovered and punished for their deeds.
He hopes his latest message will fill the empty hole he is leaving in the leadership of Weatherby. He can still do good works in public, but there’s no way for him to have such reach again. Nor would he want it, really; he’s worn out, exhausted from the irrational but persistent fear that the tiniest change in word choice might result in a death, or even be the margin between victory and defeat.
His wife comes into the room, bearing an object he’s been joking about for months. It really was only a joke, but gazing at what she’s brought him, he supposes a little catharsis can’t hurt, and it brings some sincerity to his final message. Taking the cricket bat, he smashes the microphone, the encoder, the transmitter, and the rest of it into oblivion, destroying once and for all his identity as the sole Voice of Weatherby…
…And becoming, once again, Aaaakzeee St-Patrick-Hartbrooke III, and no more the Voice of Weatherby than anyone else who has now been bequeathed the title. With a gasp of relief, he discards the battered piece of wood and collapses back onto the bench, wincing as the strewn-around bits of metal dig into his skin, then once again as Madeline climbs onto his back and makes them dig in deeper.
“So, it’s done?” she asks, throwing her arms around his neck. “The war is won, and it’s time for a vacation?”
“Sadly, my love, it is not. We must still rebuild, and I hear it told that the City of Weatherby needs a new Mayor.” He raises his hand up to stroke her face. “The war, indeed, has been won, and now we must secure the peace.”
She pulls her head away from him, silent for a moment. “So I lose you again, already? Today?”
With a laugh, he reaches behind himself and pulls her down in front of him. “No, my love, not today, or even tomorrow. Today, we celebrate, or rest, or take Luna to a park in safety… Today is a day to put away our worries and cares, and enjoy the peace, and prosperity, and life and health that God has blessed us with.”
The two draw into an embrace, and he rests her head on hers, as they consider what the future has in store, for the next few days, and for the long-term. After a prolonged silence, the Taaa’keee rises from the bench, and speaks.
“And, for the record, you will never lose me. I may loan myself out to certain causes from time to time, but, God willing, I will always return, for as long as you will have me.”
Madeline smiles up at him for a moment, and then punches him in the shoulder and glares, though mirth dances in her eyes. “Will you quit it with the sappy speeches, already. You’re not the Voice of Weatherby anymore!”
The Space Griffin grows pensive. “You are right… You are now the voice of Weatherby! I expect sappy speeches every day at noon from now on. Rousing speeches about patriotism, and civic duty, and…”
As the two climb the stairs out of the church sub-basement, certain of their place in God’s grace, of success in their endeavours, and of a long and happy future together as a family, a few final sparks flare out from the wastebasket, and glow together on the floor for a prolonged moment before finally being extinguished.
Eating one’s spawn mates for an appetizer? sure.
But serving your own ward as the main course?
Hard core, Sssskiper, Hard. Core.
What a wonderful idea. I can’t wait until Jules returns…
Meanwhile, on Britannia Prime,
“Lord Grey, thank you for making time from your busy day with Her Majesty’s Loyal opposition to have Tea with me.”
"Of course. The events on Weatherby are most interesting, whatever the Colonial Office says about Weatherby’ being ‘non-essential’. And Jules, drop the formality and call me Charles. You always have. "
“Briefly, The Seas Peas did most of the fighting and dying while New Britannia’s Finest polished their brass. Weatherby’s political future will be determined by them, not Tory hardliners in Parliament.”
“And our Queen?”
“The Queen remains a source of unity, so long as she remains ‘above the fray’ and un-associated with any particular policy.”
“So what are you telling me, Jules.”
“The Whig moment has arrived. Support the Charlottestown Conference. Stand with human dignity. Recognize the political evolution occurring on Weatherby.”
“I don’t know. We Whigs are divided into two factions.”
"If you don’t act soon, Weaterhby will be gone. Weatherbeans triumphed over Plague, Blight, and the New Prussian Navy on their own. If the idea of Full Independence takes root, they’re confident they will triumph again. "
"Excellent. Exactly what I wanted to hear. This is moment to unify the Party, assume the majority and suggest the Torie’s step aside to be the “loyal opposition.”
Would those good sentients at Charlottestown be willing to consider this Declaration my colleagues are introducing to parliament soon?"
“I am certain. By the way, this is excellent tea, Charles. May I suggest adding a touch of Bergamont? They just might make you an Earl for that.”
Various pamphlets and small press operations watch trends among the Weatherbean elite much more closely. These records will provide invaluable detail to future historians looking to understand the events that happened here.
Ronaldo’s Journal of Letters and Oratory - A distinguished guide to Weatherby’s finest practitioners of writing and speaking.
| Player | PER |
|---|---|
| @nimelennar | 58 |
| @nightflyer | 51 |
| @fintastic | 50 |
| @David_Falkayn | 49 |
| @daneel | 45 |
Ms. Applethwaite’s Almanac - Your trusted source for the very latest news and gossip amongst the socialites
| Player | FSH |
|---|---|
| @daneel | 94 |
| @ghoti | 85 |
| @gwwar | 81 |
| @mrmonkey | 65 |
| @wisconsin_platt | 62 |
The Weatherby Street Journal - The definitive guide to commercial dealings, economic trends, and all matters of business.
| Player | BUS |
|---|---|
| @wisconsin_platt | 65 |
| @hadley | 54 |
| @ghoti | 49 |
| @penguinchris | 47 |
| @David_Falkayn | 47 |
Pro Victoria Weatherby - A pamphlet dedicated to following the actions of our decorated veterans.
| Player | MIL |
|---|---|
| @pogo | 80 |
| @fintastic | 68 |
| @MalevolentPixy | 59 |
| @nightflyer | 51 |
| @ghoti | 49 |
Distinguished Thinkers of Weatherby - An academic journal showcasing novel, stimulating work by the greatest minds that Weatherby has to offer.
| Player | EDU |
|---|---|
| @mrmonkey | 72 |
| @MalevolentPixy | 57 |
| @old | 53 |
| @penguinchris | 47 |
| @hadley | 46 |
Burke’s Pan-Species Galactic Peerage & Gentry, Weatherby Edition - The definitive source for untangling Weatherby’s byzantine social structure.
| Player | RANK |
|---|---|
| @David_Falkayn | 1485 |
| @donald_petersen | 1366 |
| @penguinchris | 1279 |
| @mrmonkey | 996 |
| @fintastic | 947 |
Scowfield’s Fortuna Cinque - A special-interest pamphlet that ranks Weatherby’s wealthiest households
| Player | Gross |
|---|---|
| @penguinchris | 1671 |
| @David_Falkayn | 1450 |
| @hadley | 1355 |
| @donald_petersen | 1340 |
| @mrmonkey | 1264 |
“You must learn some of my philosophy. Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.”
- Jane Clawsten, Pincers and Pinchability
Much has been done and much remains to be done. Damage from the orbital bombardment to repair, elections will need to be called to replace both the Mayor and the Governor, and putting the commercial spaceport to rights.
And more immediately: tending to the injured and paying respects to the dead.
New Prussia gravely miscalculated the pluck and reserve of this small colony, and the Battle for Weatherby would prove to be a turning point for the system. With heady talk of independence and True Citizenship for all in the air, anything is possible. In the meantime, it is badminton season once again. Perhaps it is also time to put these weighty matters aside for just a moment and indulge in some light hearted amusements as well.
[GM Note: I’ll take a brief moment here to mention that it’s also time to kick off voting for the Players’ Choice Awards - in which we cast votes for any number of categories. Please PM me up to three candidates for each category, ranked from ‘best’ to ‘slightly less best’. The categories are:
[Votes will be collected through Sun Jun 10 and posted with the closing of the Epilogue.]
[Long live Weatherby, and long live the Queen.]
Hieron reached over and turned off the wireless. Whomever had been the faceless voice on the the otherside had done a bang up job.
While it was good to be sleeping in his own bed, on his estate, he knew once time had dulled the sharp edges, he’d look back on his time in the resistance fondly, albeit privately.
The boilersuit had been more comfortable, he did have to admit as he adjusted his cravat.
Business now turned to rebuilding Weatherby. He’d used what pull he had to be a member of the spaceport rebuilding project. Not that anyone thought him out of place, but he was not going to let the opportunity to help shape a modern spaceport slip by. A modern spaceport with a built to spec space for his UPS ships. The transmodal container system was going to cut freight handling down at least 56% and financiers were starting to take note.
But before that fortune rolls in, we needed a spaceport.
“Heading out, dear?” asked Lizzy from the doorway.
“Yes, yes. I need to check on a few of the holdings. I have an informal pre-meeting with some of the other Tee-Cee…er. Excuse me. With some of the others at Levithan’s about the space port. I need to drop by The Concern and see how the possibility of including Sandfish into the curriculum can be handled.”
“Okay, then. Do you mind if we tag along? I have some shopping to do and I want to see if the cleaners are finished with the apartment.”
"How resourceful, of you. The apartment was much further down on my list. But it would be good to be back in the city with all that is going on.
Hieron opted for the Phaeton. The weather was gorgeous and it would give him time with the family.
“I know you were helping the resistance.” Lizzy broke the silence after a few minutes “Promise me you weren’t out on the front lines.”
Hieron smirked at the thought of him manning a gun emplacement. “Mostly, we were an unofficial Quartermaster Corp. We would position materials and occasionally pilfer the enemies stores to help the real heros who fought.”
“So you weren’t in any real danger then?”
“Of course not.” lied Hieronymoose.
Hieron went on to tell a politely sanitized version of his time in the resistance. Every so often reminding Lizzy she must never speak of it. Those days were over.
He brought the tale to an end as they pulled up to the boarded up Fishery.
“Why are we here, dearest? I thought you’d have disposed of this place now that the Fisheries are all out of business.”
“Just checking on what good businessmen call, ‘Plan B’, my sweet.”
The fishery would be a writeoff on paper. Too far from anywhere to be useful warehousing now that Sandfish were no longer on the menu. But being out of the way had some advantages.
Lizzy tried to peak through the windows, but the storm shutters were all firmly in place.
Hieron unlocked the outside door of the foyer and swung the door open and motioned the Lizzy and Quatro inside.
Someone who had worked here before would probably notice the new security camera and reinforced door.
And the retinal scanner.
The door swung open into the front office. Quatro squished up his nose at the smell, but only quietly complained. They all walked to the door that opened into the old processing and warehousing space and flicked on the lights.
Neatly parked where the old cannery line once stood was a New Prussian Fast Attack Craft. The Prussian livery had been stripped off and it was in the process of being repainted.
“Remember how I said sometimes we’d plunder the enemies’ supply lines. Well, some day’s hauls were better than others.”
Lizzy’s eyes were huge and her mouth agape.
“Let me tell you a story of your late Father-in-Law. Hieronymoose Farnsworth the Second…”
