“Check your medical records”
That assumes I have a set of my medical records. Who has that sort of thing? I used to have fragmentary records of specific treatments from specific doctors in the past few years. But I never had any set going back to before my chronic illness.
I now have less fucks to give than ever before. And I have all the words to describe why, but currently I don’t possess the ability to use them rationally.
Addendum: I do have some, as follows: I want to die because I’m tired of living in a cycle of poverty and depression.
So sorry. Please be kind to yourself.
As @kxkvi said, be kind to yourself. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Your brain might lie to you and say you’re not worth it, or try to make you feel ashamed, but you are worth it and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. We care about you.
I feel as though anything I would ask for would be too much to ask for.
Feel free to ask! If we don’t have what you need, maybe we can brainstorm a way to get it for you.
If nothing else, we can–and do-- listen and commiserate, and offer our best wishes and love.
This, so this. Also, this:
“When you are nearing the end of your rope, tie a knot and just keep hanging, and remember there ain’t nobody bad…like you.” – The Electrifying Mojo.
Hang on, please. You are not in this alone.
I hang on for my son and my cat, basically. I suck at this enduring-the-slings-and-arrows crap. And I’m tired.
Thank you. It does mean a lot to me.
Trust me, I understand. There have been days where just about all that got me through was knowing that my dad needed me, my dog needed me, my bird needed me…
But I try to remember, we aren’t alone. It’s still hard, I get it. I wish I had better to say, some sort of answer, but I’m still trying to work it out myself.
I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY. I’ve not had anything remotely resembling a recharging experience away from home since before my mother died in 2016.
Students sending me documents via sharepoint, which I can never seem to access…
Maybe a day at the beach or at a nearby Metropark? I don’t remember, there might be a fee. If a local college has a nature trail, that might be nice too. I’ve tried to get out in the sun a little more the last couple of days, and it helps, a little bit.
Yeah, there’s still fees, and if you get the enhanced driver’s license you get to go to 'em all for free. No, I need to get out of Michigan. I’d even settle for…Ohio.
AND THE GAS COMPANY’S GETTING READY TO TEAR UP ACCESS TO THE MAIN DRAG FROM MY STREET HAHAHAHAHA!
Whelp, I know nothing about Ohio, so I can’t help there. And much sympathies about the road work-- I hope they get it done quickly!
I finally turned my students loose to work with real data at the command line, and it is a shitshow. Holy fuckballs. No one has listened to a single thing I said all year or read any of the documentation I wrote.
I hate to read that. Not even one person?
THE SAGA CONTINUES (or how I learned to laugh, cry, and type at the same time!):
My lawn needs mowing. I have bi-lateral carpal tunnel syndrome. I did it last year, after I was diagnosed that winter. The mower is electric with a cord (I think it’s been two or three years since I’ve cut a cord), which nobody but I use any more. I’m facing a shut-off notice for my electricity, and I can’t afford to pay someone to do it.
I also have an old push-mower. But the ground under the grass is uneven - I’ve already broken one push-mower on it. My son has allergies, and non-drowsy OTCs don’t work on him.
So what do I do? I’m ready to further alienate myself from my neighbors by putting up a sign: “WlLL COOK DINNER TO HAVE LAWN MOWED. INQUIRE WITHIN”. However, they’d have to bring their own fixings, lol.
We do software heavy work, and they keep coming to me with mistakes like not telling the software where the data lives. Just really stuff they should have worked out by now, and if they haven’t, they have extensive docs.
WTF. I’m really hating myself over this.
Oh don’t, please - hate them, not you. I know, it’s bad and unhealthy to hate oneself; though I still SIGH continue to do it. So who am I to tell you not to do it, lol?
Actually, me I don’t exactly hate; I hate my current life situation and am very disappointed in myself that I can’t figure a way to fix it.
Lucy, you know I’d do it without a thought if I were there.
